Life can be so suicidal sometimes, honestly it's not worth living. My name is Jarid Munich and im 16 years old. You know my sister always told me that writing out how I really felt might help but what the fuck does she know. Point blank such a fucking cliche shes like head of the cheer leading team and she goes out with the star quarter back and he makes my life a living hell. I go to storeway high school. The worst schools of all time they say and to be honest I believe it since we are like on the news every bloody friday. This is like way in the united kingdom, please I wish I could go to the united states but who has the money for that these days. You'd think that coming from Essex, London that were are all rich, well you thought wrong. For all I know I could be living in a trailer right now but I guess I got lucky eh. Well to be honest the most traumatizing thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life was watching my dad bang the next door neighbor but it wasn't just any neighbor, she was a girl I went to school with and on top of that she was 15. I watched him bang the fuck out her on the kitchen table and then in the bedroom. At first I wanted to take pictures and then tape it but I then realized that my father wasn't banging her at all but was raping her. Yeah he was raping her but for some reason the fact that he was raping her didn't phase me, it was actually a turn on. I like the fact of seeing a man handle a women like that or a man just handling anything aggressively. When I was younger I had found a box way in the basement in a locked door that seemed as if it were solid shut. I loosened the screws on the side and took it down that way. I hadn't really payed that door any attention but I went in and saw a bunch of video tapes on this worn out old shelf and put one of the tapes in the VCR that had been hooked up in the room already. When it came on I saw a women tied up in leather strings and handcuffed to the bed getting whipped by this man in a mask. She had that ball and gag thing in her mouth and from there on it was torture. But anyways the more and more I watched him throw force into her like that made me look at a man the way I had never seen them before. The sweat coming down his face on to his chest, the veins coming out of his neck, the muscles that popped up every time he made a move. Even though this man was my dad he made me have a whole new meaning for sexuality. That maybe it can be open like maybe it was possible for me to see a man that way. I wasn't taught anything really about the birds and the B's and even liking anyone in that way but at this time my father was making me feel kind of...horny I guess. This tingly feeling inside my body, this sexual crave for someone to be over me, doing the same things as he were with that little girl, someone grabbing me with full force, smashing me down on to some sheets, turning me around and fucking me hard and covering my mouth, making me scream in enjoyment. I mean for a little boy you have to admit I have a great imagination or should I say fantasy.
Anytime anything goes wrong in my life I like any other kid write it down in my little journal. You know honestly after that bitch of a sister of mine told me that writing in a journal was a smooth kick for getting feelings out I actually started to like it and now im enrolling myself into creative writing and journalist classes at my school but anyways enough about that fucking writing already. So back to me and my midlife crises. So.....storeway high school, so many things happen there that my eyes just cant conceive actually im lying I can. With all those bastards and fucking idiots....oh my god just thinking about those fucking blokes on all those teams ugh....I don't even know what to say. Well I have a small group of friends. I'm not like my sister, im not easy to get along with. I honestly don't like socializing with people, I don't like to talk and mingle and hang out like she would. I don't believe in labels but in school all the fucking jocks call me a fag. They only say this because they have an I.Q of a dog with a stick up its ass. When I go to school I really barely talk to my sister. I honestly act like I don't know her because shes such a slut. I mean with her you might as well call her number if you want a good time. But yeah I have a small group of friends, four in counting. See theres Tophe; hes more of an emo kind of a guy I know I know it's a type of genre but he looks really emotional. Hes always dying his hair and eyebrows the same kind of color, has piercings all over I mean waste down if you get me. Next theres Eden; hes the blond of my group and wheres there a blond theres blue eyes included. Yeah hes more of the intellectual not the bimbo dummy I suppose you would say the typical blond would be. Hes very well uptight and dresses like preppy. The stupid khaki shorts and the button up long sleeves with some type of criss cross design on his shirts. Then we have Mireal whose more on the dark path pretty much gothic. Sometimes I think this is why him and tophe have a closer friend ship then me and him but who cares. Mireal is very well emotional and has pitch black hair and always wears dark colors with his eyeliner and black lipstick and silver rings on his finger, and last is Singapore but we just call him pore most of the time. Hes just that laid back type of guy well not too laid back when hes drinking and smoking all the time, you need bud go to him. Hes the brunette with pretty hazel eyes and just wears tight t-shits and skinny jeans all the time, he has more of the skater look well he skateboards a lot to let all of his feelings go. I can understand for him since hes an only child and his mother and father are never home. I call that the rich kid syndrome. Oh yeah and me well im very cocky, you see im more of a Narcissist. I choose those I want to be around and don't communicate with the rest. I do sometimes feel like the lord dropped an angel for some reason because none of these ass tards should be walking on the same ground as me. I'm a red head with piercing green eyes that change depending on the season. I am skinny. I'm not athletic and I am not anorexic either, im just right. I wear what ever I feel, I go for all styles. I only have my two ears pierced nothing out of the norm but lately and weirdly I've been wanting to try on makeup and my mothers heels for some reason. I know random thought but I have. Yeah these are all my friends and I've been friends with them since well I cant say I did meet them all at different times.