This is going to be my frist journal in this notebook. I have about two other notebooks used as my journals, but my journals I write always end up in other notebooks and its hard to keep track of all those journals,notebooks and special if you have siblings because they always thinks it's right to go through my stuff. It's already hard enough that my parents don't trust me and it hurts alot. My friends aka G.R.H and Jennie don't like my parents. They think that my mom and dad should treat me farely and nice. Like thats ever going to happen, they always say the wrong I have done, then the good things I do. Yeah I may not be perfect and be born on satins hour, also on a friday the thirteenth. When I have kids of my own. I am going to try so hard not to act like my own parents. I'm going to give my kids courage and whole alot of things. That my own parents never did for me. Yeah I still love them and all, but its really hard to do so. They thought bringing me to a therapist would help my "Problems". The therapist helped me, but in a different way lets say. Shes really nice and all, but she can't be anything like my nanny. My nanny was the best and now shes long gone. I would never forget my golden birthday that I had with her and the last day I saw her before she was creamated. Now thats all left of her is her ashes, underground, cememtary, the chruch unkown. She died in april and it was about in the middle. That saturday night I found out about her death. I was the only one out of a family of mine. That cried over her death and the tears kept coming and I made sure they didn't see or tell that I was crying my eyes out. I was only in seventh grade, when she left. I seen, heard of many deaths of loved ones. Sue was different when her death came. Just writing this down about her is making me cry. Sue willis was her name and she was the greatest of the great nannie I have ever known or seen. Actually she was my frist and last nanny. She gave me courage, taught me how to fight back of what I believed in. The one thing she gave me and my parents wouldn't give me was true love. She may have taught me how to cook, bake, sew, crouche (thinks that how you spell it, but some way of knitting), and many thingd. That my own parents didn't have "Time" for. They were always "Busy" and didn't have "Time" for me. After Sue's death, everything went into total disatour.My friends turned their backs on me. Practically gave me hell, the teasing got wrost and I was going back into the past and even though it's the present. The only two friends I practically had left was G.R.H and Jennie. I got ignored and my teachers were yelling at me for no reason, okay there was kinda a reason and that reason was me not paying attention very well in class. I told them why and there reactions were the same. They didn't care and why would they care. Their the teachers, I am a student and I have no right of saying anything. I know my journal is very long and got carried away again. So I'm going to be done for today.
July , 2 , 2011