Karen didn’t know what had gotten into Seth, but when he called her and told her that he needed to, in his words, “Get incredibly fucked up” that night, she didn’t question it. He was already tipsy by the time she got to his apartment twenty minutes after he had called her, and considering that he had an open bottle of Jack Daniel’s with him when she picked him up, Seth was going to have one hell of a hangover the next day.
When they got to the bar that Seth told her to go to, the rest of his friends were already there. Karen saw Pete, Zeke, and Billy all sitting at a table in the corner. As they were walking, Karen saw that Seth was already getting to the point where he was having difficulty navigating a crowded bar area, so she grabbed his hand to lead him around.
“Holy fuck, Karen,” Pete said in greeting, getting up to help out on Seth’s other side. Throwing his arm under one of Seth’s shoulders, he continued, “What the fuck did you do to him?”
“Hey, don’t blame me,” Karen said quickly. “He was like this when I picked him up.”
“It’s not a bid deal,” Seth said, slurring his words a bit as they came out of his mouth. “I just needed a driver. I’m going to get totally shit faced wasted tonight.”
“Well all right, buddy,” Pete said, sitting Seth down at the bar table that Zeke and Billy had been holding down, waiting for Seth and Karen to show up. Looking over at the two men, Pete said easily, “Looks like we’re going to get shit faced tonight, boys!”
“Sounds like a plan to me!” Zeke agreed easily, setting his cell phone down on the table once more. Turning to the nearest waitress, he ordered, “Can I get four shots over here, please?”
“Sure thing, sweetie,” the girl told him, touching his arm.
Karen almost laughed - Zeke was one of the gayest men she had ever met. If the waitress thought that touching him would get him turned on so he would tip her better, she was going to be sorely disappointed. In fact, Zeke was the most careful with his money - out of all of them. Pete was a lavish tipper (usually). Especially if he liked the waitress and thought that he could get lucky with her. Billy liked to put what money he was going to tip on the table the first thing when he sat down. Whenever the waitress did something he liked, he would add to it. If she did something that annoyed him, angered him, or disgusted him, he would take money away. Though, his money had not been on the table at first when Karen and Seth had shown up, meaning that he hadn’t been planning on drinking tonight. However, seeing the state of inebriation that Seth was currently enjoying (and would later be regretting horribly), he took out a wad of dollar bills and got ready to start keeping track.
Shaking her head, Karen asked a waitress for a glass of water, and asked, “Are Will and Emi going to be joining us tonight?”
“I texted them when I saw what state Seth was in,” Zeke said easily. “Will said they would be here within twenty minutes.”
“They? So, the Mrs. is coming then?” Billy asked.
“Yes, Emi is coming,” Zeke nodded.
“To the Mrs!” Billy said, lifting a shot glass that had just been delivered to their table.
All the men lifted their shot glass together and affirmed, “To the Mrs!”
“So, Seth,” Pete began, taking a slow drink from the Corona that was sitting in front of him. “Why the drinking spree tonight?”
“Just had to do it,” Seth said, his eyes seeming to focus in and out. “It’s been a bad day.”
Pete said, “Ah,” but looked to Karen for more of an explanation.
Shrugging, Karen said, “That’s all I could get out of him. He called me about forty minutes ago and said he needed a driver because he wanted to get fucked up tonight. He seemed fine at work, so it must have been something that happened after he got off. But I couldn’t draw it out of him, whatever it was. He might be too gone to truly remember what it was by this point, though.”
“Well, how about you hear Pete’s story of how his weekend went?” Zeke asked, turning his attention back to his cell phone. “That’s a pretty entertaining story.”
“Oh?” Karen asked, taking a drink from her glass of ice water. “Did you have another ‘conquest’ this weekend, Pete?”
Grinning wickedly at her, Pete shook his head, then held up his left hand. There were three fingers being held up, and to confirm, he said slyly, “Three.”
“Three?” Karen asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Three as in three different conquests, three as in you conquested three different women, or three as in you conquested three women at once?”
“Sort of both . . . ” Pete said with a sick smile. “One conquest to start off, then later that night, two different conquests at the same time.”
“You are a sick mother-fucker, Pete,” Seth laughed. All of the men at the table raised their glasses of their respective drinks and agreed. They seemed to always do that, but Karen wasn’t entirely sure why they did it. If she had to guess though, she had a sick feeling that it was because he had fucked a mother at some point . . . Pete did seem attracted to the older women . . . and he was a sick, sick man. She was pretty sure that he would have no qualms of fucking a mom. Even if she was much older than he was. However, she kept that thought to herself, and just took another sip of water.
“So what’s the story, Pete?” Seth asked, attempting to actually pay attention at that point. “Let’s hear how you spent your weekend.”
Karen waved the waitress over and ordered a basket of fries. She knew that eventually, she would have to force Seth to eat something, maybe she could get it in early while he was listening to his friend tell about his weekend adventures.
“Ok, well, you know the strip club that is next to Big Daddy’s, right?” he asked, looking to Seth for confirmation that he could still in fact remember the location of one of Pete’s usual hangout spots. When Seth nodded, he continued, “Well, I went in Saturday night. I tried to get Zeke and Billy to join me, but of course, they said ‘no’ so I had to go by myself. Anyway, I show up alone, with a fistful of bills, ready for a good time. So I sit down, and start watching this blonde chick, who seemed kind of pretty, and I am enjoying the show. She must have seen something in me, because she started making moves toward me.”
She probably saw the wad of cash in your hand and figured, ‘eh, this will be an easy fifty bucks for a half hour show’ Karen thought. Again, though, she kept that thought to herself and instead, took another sip from her glass of ice water.
“Now I know what you’re thinking,” Pete said, holding up his hand, “I bet she gives that come hither look to all the men that she sees. But I’m telling you, she didn’t. She only had eyes for me. So anyway, like I said, she is dancing and giving me all sorts of looks, I mean, she was practically begging me to take her in the back.”
The back that Pete was referring to was the back of the strip club, not the back of the stripper (although, honestly, he had taken plenty of girls that way, too). Again, Karen was pretty sure that this girl’s interest was strictly based on the amount of money that Pete was flashing in his pants. It most likely had nothing to do with how she truly felt. Taking another sip, though, Karen once again kept that thought to herself.
“So I take her to the back, and she starts giving me my private dance. And she is working it, you know, she didn’t move fast like most girls do when they get to give a private dance. This girl knew how to move, do you know that I’m saying? By the time she was down to just one itty bitty red thong, I only had another twenty dollars. She didn’t care, though. We fucked long and good. She even gave me her fucking number.”
Again, Karen did not think that meant that this stripper actually cared for Pete. In all likelihood, she knew that Pete was a generous donor. If she were a stripper, Karen thought that she would fuck a guy too, if he was going to pay a wad of cash for it (and that was one of many reasons that Karen was not in fact a stripper).
“So you used up all of your money on the first girl,” Seth asked, mindlessly taking a handful of fries.
Oh good, Karen thought, with a small smile. Keep eating, Seth - you’ll be so much more thankful tomorrow if you do.
“How’d you only manage to spend fifty dollars if you were able to get three women?”
“Well, duh, stupid - I went to the ATM.”
Oh God . . . Karen thought. The ATM at the strip club had something like a twenty dollar “handling” fee for every exchange made there. Please tell me that you did not use the ATM in the strip club.
“There’s an ATM in the strip club?” Seth asked.
Karen handed him another fry (which he took). If Seth was forgetting that there was an ATM in the strip club, she needed to get him to eat more. Flagging down another waitress, she ordered another basket of fries and an order of chicken strips.
“Of course there’s an ATM at the strip club,” Pete laughed. “We need to work on your beer tolerance, my friend - you are falling fast.”
For once, Karen and Pete were in full agreement on that.
“Ok, smart ass,” Seth slurred. “So how much did you take out?”
“Enough that he had to get a personal loan this morning,” Zeke said drily, taking a sip from his own bottle of booze.
“Hey hey hey,” Pete stammered, “I have excellent credit. Getting the loan was no problem.”
It still amazed Karen that Pete had good enough credit that he could walk into a bank that morning and get a loan on the same day. How could he do that? Was it because he knew someone on the inside? Karen had good credit, but she had been denied for every loan she ever tried to get. Every single one.
“You got a personal loan to make up for how much you spent this weekend?” Seth gasped, seeming to sober up a bit at the sheer insanity of what Pete had just said.
“Yeah,” Pete shrugged, taking another long drink from his Corona.
“So, how much did you spend, how much did you take out, and how much was the personal loan for?” Seth asked again.
“I spent somewhere around five or six hundred dollars,” Pete said.
Karen literally had to swallow the amount of spit that she was about to let fly from her mouth after that response. Five or six hundred dollars??!? Is he fucking insane? She knew that Pete was very . . . What was the word . . . liberal with his money, especially when it came down to his extra-curricular activities, but still. Five or six hundred dollars? No wonder he had to get a fucking loan. He had bills he had to pay just like her, and if she had spent five or six hundred dollars this past weekend, she would be needing a personal loan, too.
“Holy fuck, Pete,” Billy gasped. “Five or six hundred dollars? I think that is more than my bus pass for the next three years.”
Billy didn’t have a driver’s license. So, when he said his “bus pass” he literally meant the pass he paid to ride the buss anywhere he needed to go (other than when one of his friends picked him up and carted him around, like Zeke had probably done tonight). Billy was working on getting his driver’s license. Karen was pretty sure that he had his learner’s permit at the moment, so sometimes Billy would offer to drive one of them around for the day (because he had to perform something like 200 hours of behind the wheel supervised driving or something). According to Seth, Billy was actually a pretty good driver. Although, growing up with parents as strict as Billy’s were, that wasn’t that big of a surprise.
“So if you had to get a loan, Pete,” Zeke asked mildly, turning his attention for the briefest of moments away from his cell phone, “how much did you have to get a loan for?”
“Two thousand dollars.”
“No!” all of the men exclaimed, a mixture of shock and horror on their faces.
Fuck me, Pete, Karen thought. How the fuck are you still able to afford things like food, electricity, and indoor plumbing after all of your weekend cash sprees?
“Yep,” Pete shrugged, taking another drink. “That’s the God’s honest truth. You know I would’t lie to you guys.”
Pete wouldn’t lie to anybody. He was even more honest than Karen was. The only person that rivaled Pete in the honest category was Will. And that got him in trouble quite often with Emi.
“Well, anyway, so I went to the ATM outside of the strip joint, and I took out another four hundred dollars.”
Oh my, Karen thought, taking a drink of water before handing Seth another handful of fries. Once again, he took them without arguing. Good boy, she thought, amused. Maybe your hangover won’t kill you tomorrow.
“And pray tell what did you do with the four hundred dollars, Pete?” Billy asked, tipping his head back in amusement.
“Ah, that?” Pete asked in a soft voice. “Two women. Same time. It was well worth going into debt for.”
“Two women?” Billy gasped.
“Did it start that way or did you have to coax them?” Zeke asked, only giving maybe a quarter of his attention to Pete; he seemed more preoccupied with whatever was on his iPhone screen.
“Fuck, I didn’t have to do anything,” Pete said, his voice rising in excitement. “They asked me if they could do it.”
Was he displaying his giant wad of cash? Karen wondered, slightly bemused and disgusted at the same time. She imagined that anytime he displayed his thick bundle of bills that a woman would probably do anything to get it. Sometimes during college, Karen kind of wished that she had been a hooker for a while. If it weren’t for the fact that prostitutes often got killed, Karen may have tried it for a while. After all, she really did enjoy having sex. Sex had always been a fun calorie-burner for her . . . ever since she was seventeen.
“So, what did you do to them?” Seth asked, actually taking a handful of fries and eating them without Karen having to tell him to do it. “Or, what did they do to you?”
The waitress brought the order of chicken strips and fries to their table, Karen mouthed a quick ‘Thank you” to the girl, and the girl smiled appreciatively back at her.
“Well, look, to be honest, I didn’t actually intend to make it the threesome that it turned into. It was originally just me and the blonde girl. But then, fuck, I don’t know why, but another chick, a brunette, came over and started grinding on me, too. At first, it was just a lap-dance, but then, the girls got kind of carried away.”
Karen really loved the fact that Pete categorized having a threesome as “getting carried away” as opposed to an immoral act. Not that Karen could say that it was an immoral act . . . because that would men that she was damning herself to a life in hell, because she too had taken place in a threesome back in college (just once), but hell, that’s what all of the girls did, right?
“You really want to know?” Pete laughed, taking another drink.
“YES!” Seth, Zeke, and Billy said loudly.
That didn’t surprise Karen, either. All three of them had always lived vicariously through Pete. Really, though, how could they not? Pete was the “fun” one. The categorically wild once that always seemed to have the best stories. Though Karen did not often get to hear the tales of his conquests (as she was rarely with the guys when they dragged a story out of Pete), the few times that she wad been around to hear about the girl, it had been highly entertaining (as mush as she hated to admit that, it didn’t make it any less true).
“Ok, like I said, it started off the way any strip ease starts off. She was moving and grooving and when she got down to just her bra, her thong, and her high heels . . . man, I really loved those high heels . . . anyway, like I said, she stripped for me and she was dancing and teasing me the way that a girl is supposed to and then, all of a sudden, another girl shows up. I swear to God - I mean it guys, I will place my hand on any holy book you want me to and I’ll tell you the same thing, the second girl asked me if it would be ok to team up with blonde.”
It really killed Karen that Seth was listening so raptly to Pete’s tale. It didn’t surprise her, but still, couldn’t the guy see that she liked him? And if he could see that (which he really should have been able to do), then why was he listening so eagerly to Pete’s lame story about how he did three women in one night (and two at the same time)? Leaning back, Karen gave a long sigh and thought, Well, gee, when you put it that way, who the hell wouldn’t be listening so attentively right now?
“All right, let’s say I am buying your story about how you got two strippers at once,” Zeke said slowly, once again setting down his cell phone so that he could look Pete straight in the eye. “That still doesn’t really explain why they slept with you.”
“I’m Pete fucking Chase,” Pete said loudly. “That’s all the fucking reason they need to sleep with me.”
“Does it really count as ‘sleeping together’ if you aren’t actually sleeping together?” Billy asked, posing him an inquiring look.
“Yes it fucking counts as sleeping together!” Pete argued fiercely. “You think I would have notched my belt three times if it didn’t fucking count as sleeping together?”
Yes, Karen thought without a second of hesitation. If my pencil sharpener had a skirt, I’d be worried that he would try to fuck that.
“Ok, so you slept with them . . . what, at the same time?” Billy asked.
Karen just shook her head. Of all of the men that were friends with Seth, Billy was the most innocent. Karen wasn’t sure if he had ever had a girlfriend . . . or boyfriend . . . she really didn’t know what his preference was when it came down to sexual partners. Did Billy ever even have a sexual partner? Sure, they were all in their mid-twenties, but she wasn’t sure that Billy had ever gone that route. For all she knew, he hadn’t even kissed a girl yet . . . And that was something that even Zeke couldn’t claim to his name. He was gay and he had kissed a girl. It was only one kiss, as he knew right then that he was gay, but one kiss was all she was asking for.
“Billy, Billy, Billy,” Pete shook his head. “You need to get laid, man. Yes - I slept with two of them at the same time.”
“But, how does that work, exactly . . . you only have one penis . . . I’m assuming?”
“Oh no, Billy,” Karen laughed. “He has at least three penises.”
“Too true,” Pete laughed, holding up his glass in a toast to Karen.
“Ok, beyond the penises,” Zeke said, trying to get the boys back on the original subject, “it doesn’t really matter how many penises Pete has. My question is, how much did you pay them? I’m thinking they only did all of this shit because you were paying them. And, to go a step further, I assume that you were paying them extremely well.”
“Well,” Pete said with an elaborate shrug, “say what you want on if it was expensive or not. But I did have to get a loan to help ensure that I would have enough money to live on.”
“If you were paying attention about five minutes ago, Zeke,” Seth said, taking a bite of a chicken strip, “you would know that he spent five or six hundred dollars this weekend.”