October 21, 1963
I don't belong here. Why did they dump me here? I hate this room. Every room in this fucking mental ward has three white walls and one green wall. Even in my room. One fucking green wall. I don't know how my parents locked me in here. I'm twenty-four. How did they force me in here? I serious do not belong here. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. I'm not crazy, I just hated my life. I hate even more now that I've been dumped here. Shit. The warden is coming. I have to go.
The warden walks over to me as I hide my journal under my pillow. She's in her forties, maybe around forty-five. She's tall whit long blonde hair that she pulls back into a pony tail. I'm pretty sure if she wore some makeup she would look prettier. She grabs my arm and pulls me off the bed. I've been here for about a week and I haven't left my room. I don't want to be here. I don't need to be here. She pretty much drags me by my arm into day room. I don't know why it's called the day room. It's terrible. There are two small windows that only show you the places you can't go. We aren't allowed outside. There are three recliners and a couch. In front of them is an old television set with bunny ear on top. It only three channels. There's a group of people surrounding the TV. On the other side of the room are two tables. Each table has four chairs. The warden shoves me into the room and leaves. I sit down at one of the tables. I cross my arms and watch everyone in the room. There are no men on this floor. They separate the men and women. They don't want us having sex and reproducing mentally screw up children. They don't want any of us to breed.
A nurse reenters the room with another woman. There are two nurses following behind her. She's holding the woman by her arm. The nurse throws her down in a chair at the other table. She has short choppy blonde hair and is wearing men's clothing. She is smiling but it's not a happy smile. It's more like an evil smile.
"It's good to be back!" She exclaims while falling into the chair. She spins around in the chair. "Woo!" The warden walks over to her. She reaches her hand out and stops the chair from spinning. The warden forces the woman to look at her. "Hi warden." She says.
"Val!" She snaps back.
"Your name is Valerie and you are a woman. You will act like it!" The warden demands. I wonder why she's here. She seems like a total sociopath. I really want to talk to her. I feel like I could relate to her.
"It's funny you think I'm scared of you." She flashes another smile at the warden. That evil sociopathic smile.
"If you ever try to escape again I will lock you in solitary!" Valerie/Val begins to laugh. It's such an evil laugh.
"Empty threats warden." She says while still smiling and slightly laughing. The warden slaps her.
"FUCKING BITCH!" She yells while jumping out of the chair at the warden. They both fall to the ground. It takes three nurses to pull her off the warden.
"TAKE HER TO SOLITARY!" The warden screams. Everyone is looking over to them. The three nurses drag Valerie/Val out of the room as she screams and calls the warden every name she can think of. The warden whips her head around at us and everyone looks away. Some woman walks up to me and sits down next to me.
"Hi!" She says a little too enthusiastically.
"Hi." My voice is flat.
"I'm Nancy!" There is so much enthusiasm in her voice. It's starting to bother me. She seems too happy to be in a place like this. There has to be a really good reason why she's here. Maybe she's here because she's too happy. Is that possible? Can they lock you up in a mental ward if you're too happy? She just stares at me. She's waiting for me to respond, to tell her my name. I really wish the warden would've just left me in my room.
"Who was that girl?" I ask. I really want to know more about her.
"That's Val." Another girl says. She walks away from the TV and over to me. She sits down next to Nancy. "She's a lesbian."
"A lesbian?" I've never met a lesbian before. That kind of thing isn't talked about. I didn't know they locked them up in mental wards. Guess you learn something new every day. How do you help someone become straight? Is it possible to bring them back? This place is so fucking confusing. The other woman nods.
"The warden hates her. She's always trying to escape." I need to talk to her. Maybe she can help get me out of here.
"So, she's here because she's a lesbian?"
"She's also a violent sociopath." I whip my head around to see another woman behind me. Everyone keeps walking up to me. It's like they think this is some meet and greet picnic.
"Who are you people?" I would really like to know who I'm talking to.
"I'm Diane." The woman sitting next to Nancy says.
"I'm Robin." The other woman says. "Who are you?" I pause. I don't want these freaks to know my name but they told me theirs. I guess I have no choice but to tell them.