I'm driving. I don't know where I'm going but I'm just driving. The driver side window is rolled all the way down and the cool night air feels really good. I grab a hair tie out of the middle console and at the stop light, I pull my hair back.
My cell phone is sitting the passenger seat and I keep grabbing hoping for some kind of sign on what to do. It's almost like I think that if he texts or calls me then I should go with him but if she doesn't then I should let it go.
It's really quite in this car and I can't take it anymore. I hit the radio and music starts to play. Are you serious? It's country music. I forgot that the last time I listened to music in this car I was with Teddie and that this is her CD. I start to listen to the words and just drive.
"I can't live without you baby." I hear the female vocalist sing. I glance over to the radio and put my hand over my mouth. Don't cry. Don't cry. I take a deep breath and raggedly let it out. This song is me and him.
"FUCK!" I yell while slamming my hands against the steering wheel. What is wrong with me? Why am I running away from the best thing to ever happen to me? I swear that the singer is talking about me. I feel tears start in my eyes and I try hard to hold them back. I again slam my hands against the steering wheel. How is it that out of all the songs on this CD this is the one to play?
I keep replaying that night over and over again in my head. Why did I let him leave? Why did I make him leave?
Tears start to stream down my face and I realize that I can't live without him. He is the one for me. He's sweet and romantic and loving and all of these things Thomas never was. I'm in love with him. I'm completely in love with him.
"Okay." I say while looking up. "I get it." I know where I'm going now. I have to go see him. I have to be with him. I'm starting to speed. I just want to get there.
I pull into his driveway as the song ends. I shut off the car and sit there for a second. I need to pull myself together a little bit. I take a deep breath and play those lyrics over in my head. I can't live without you.