Hey , I know I said I wouldn’t message you again until I knew I was over you well the internet taught me something today; I will never truly ‘be over you’ my brain will just be able to “hide” those feelings from me. The human brain and heart don’t usually communicate so that’s why it takes people so long to “forget” the feelings they have or had for another person. I understand a lot more about myself now than I did how many minutes/hours/days/years ago.
Andrew I am trying to be truthful with you because lying to you got me into this mess in the first place. You were the first guy I have ever trust completely, you were the first guy I fell for, the first guy that liked me back (even though I didn’t know it at the time), you were the first guy I lied to so I could hide my feelings, you were the first person I always went to as a kid. You were and always will be the light that kept me standing. But for my sake I have to say good bye. Our friendship was a good thing from the past that but is should have stayed there in the past. I am not saying that I regret seeing you that was one of the best days I had had in forever. My life has been kind of dark as of late.
Friday May 3rd 2012, is the day I will remember as the day that helped me become more of me. I have opened up a lot more cried more tears then I thought I had, said a lot of things I probably should not have said, and I learned more than I ever thought I could.
I am sorry that I am acting weird, that’s what happens when you grow up I guess. I can’t go back in time and I can’t change what I have said or done but I can choice what I will do in the here and now. I didn’t want to ever admit this to you (and hell you won’t see this until I die and someone asks you: did you, know anything about this) but I love (or loved whichever is the proper term if you ever see this) you. There is said it…or typed it. I love(d) you Andrew Jepersin too bad I will never be able to say this out loud.
I loved spending time with you because you always protected me, even when I was a little brat. You always looked out for me and kept me safe, like a guardian angel that everyone can see. You kept me strong and helped build part of my character today. You have quiet the imagination when we were younger and you always made up the weirdest of games. I looked up to you then and I look up to you now.
May 5th 2013