14th September, 2011
It was raining heavily. Clouds were hiding the beautiful light hearted sunrays and there was no sign of colors in the grey tinted sky. It felt sad, really sad when I looked at them…those big black cloud hiding every small beauty of nature….it was afternoon but it felt like night. It felt as if there will be no more happiness, like laughter and smiles would never come back on earth, and everybody will be sad forever. People will take birth in sadness, live in sadness and die because of sadness. A least it felt the same way to me. Maybe, I was sad. I, Johanna Paul, age 29, status: single (I broke up few hours ago). By now you people know the reason why I was sad, but no this was just a part of my sadness, just a part of me. I was sad because I was stuck here in the waiting room of a small suburban station without umbrella. Generally I would have enjoyed rains, I always do that but today was different. I was i no mood to enjoy anything. I was lonely and alone. Maybe this sadness would gulp me and the person sitting beside and maybe everybody around me.
Few hours ago I was in my college campus thinking about him, james the love of my life but discussing about latest trends with my girlfriends. I was upset because we quarreled last night. I was sure this was going to be fine. I love him after all. I know possessivness is a sweet part of relationship but we were far from that now. It has almost been two years for our relationship. We were past this trust factor, rather I thought that way. i got a phone call. It was Vicky. My best-friend. James (my boyfriend, X-boyfriend) was also his friend. Vicky asked me to meet him. Funny even he broke up today. I laughed at the thought. I went to console him in the classroom where he use to sit and cry whenever he was sad. The class room was at the far end of the corridor. I was busy consoling him when I got a call from James and all I heard was "I am breaking up". The phone was disconnected, the conversation was incomplete and so was I. Was that a joke?? Was he kidding?? But then he was not really bad at humor. The earth started spinning, stomach churning, head spinning. Oh, I so much hate this feeling. And here I was in this classroom standing in front of a guy. Who was this guy??? What is he babbling about? Can't he stop? I can't hear him. Why isn't this beep sound stopping?? Why I feel I must find a place to puke?
I stood up, ran through the corridor all the way to the auditorium to find a place to sit quietly but there was none. Why was everybody staring at me? Am I looking ugly or stupid?? I then decided that it doesn't matters after all. May be I should get off the campus so that everybody would stop staring at me. I should go home. No matter what my mom say. And so I came to the station. And I was still blank about why this has happened to me, only me on the face of the earth. Where did I go wrong? Why was rain not stopping? Throughout the way I was in a mist with a deja-vu feeling. But I should stop this. Maybe I look stupid. That was the reason everybody is staring at me. I somehow didn't like this feeling so I decided I should go home not waiting for the rain to stop. It was weird. I was late. I don't know where the time evaporated. Even the ticket checker didn't asked me for ticket when I boarded the train. It was as if everybody was making a place for me to walk and to stand in this crowded suburban station. Do these people know that I just now had a break up or was it just my feeling??? Whatever it was I didn't liked it so I came out of the station and started walking towards my house. My house was a bungalow in the heart of the city. But my locality was quite silent. Just a cute suburban bungalow number sixty-five. Or was that fifty-six?? It's bad, why am I forgetting where my house is? Am I that dumb? Now a day I forget things…or maybe it is because I am under a trauma. Which house number do I live in? Maybe I should check my college id-card. That's perfect…..where is it. Mmmmmm got it. It's 56. Hush…
Johanna knocked the door of her house and waited for someone to open the door. Expecting her mother. She was sad and she desperately needed a hug. She rang the doorbell again and again only to find that there was nobody opening it. Then she remembered that she had the key. So she took out the key and opened. When she entered she found a old-women doing something near the dining table. She was Johanna's old grandmother. Her short, fragile, thin body was looking more devastating as the days passed. Grandma Danny was deaf due to age so there was no chance she could have heard a door bell. Johanna rubbed her eyes so that her grandma should not come to know that she cried. Grandma will surely be disturbed. Johanna dumped her bag in one corner of the house. Went near granny and touched he shoulders. Grandma Danny was women who learned the importance of touch when she started turning deaf. Danny knew it was Johanna. Without turning towards her Danny started talking to her.
"Oh dear, you came finally. Where was u? Everybody was worried. As if my weak ears would hear your reply…funny isn't it? Now tell me would you like to have something baby?"
With these words Danny turned to Johanna to see what her reply would be….and stood still when she saw Johanna. Johanna could see the shock on her dumbstruck face but was in no mood to talk or discuss anything. She acted that she wants a sleep and without another word turned towards her bedroom. She wanted rest. A long rest. Maybe she would feel better when she wakes up. Maybe even James will regret what he said…saying that she entered her bedroom. Only to see her disorganized furniture, clothes and towels lying here and there. The left wall of the room was full of shelves and books. At one of its corner was her computer plus study table. All the rooms of the wall were painted elegant cream except the front wall where her big photo was framed. It was brown in color. And the light colored frame looked perfect. Every time she entered her room she would proudly look at the room because she herself designed it. But not today. She locked the door so that nobody can now enter without permission. She undressed herself and jumped on the bed for a stress-free nap. She lay down just looking at the ceiling and the fan moving. She wanted to cry but she was tired. Really tired. Maybe she should look in the mirror and wash her face. But she had no power to wake up and to go till the bathroom. Laying here on this bed was comforting. As if she was sleeping after many hours. She could hear the insects making voices. Those voices were so lonely. She has heard this noise before. During night time. When the sun sets and there is no rain. Maybe the rain has stopped. Is it that late??? I am really late to reach home I guess. Granny will surely tell momma. But I will apologize for being late. I will….