chapter 1 - Never the beginning, Always the End
I knew my life would come crashing down on me when I ran away. When my mum died in a car crash. When my dad went physcho. I never believed I could return to a more...humanae, state. Never believed I could ever live again. But I did and I am. When I was alone and so close to becoming my dad, to going completely and utterly mad, they took me in. Welcomed me with open arms (if they had any) like I was anyother cub. Adopted me like I was one of their own. No prejudice. No differences (even though we have many i.e. I'm human) they seemed to consider but just placed them aside as if they were completely irrelevant to my life now. So true...so true. The wolves. So true. So true to me and to themselves. To everything.
The canopy of the large oak trees shaded me from the feeble English sunlight. The same sunlight I had been used to for so long now it was almost too conventional. The same pitiful sunlight I bathed in every single summer. Now, everyone knows Kielder Forest, the largest forest in England but hidden deep within it's depths is a place nobody goes. 'Somewhere only we know' as Keane would say (or sing). We like to call it the 'natura scrinium' latin for 'nature shrine'. Nobody goes here because of the rumors that the dead live here and that anyone who enters never comes out again. Most likely the wolves got them because since I came here noone has even bothered or possibly even considered coming inside our 'natura scrinium'
The slightest breeze ran through my golden hair blowing, gleaming like in those adverts where they've either had far too much surgery or have been seriously computer edited. So fake. Unrealistic. This, my life, wasn't however. Strange that before the wolves saved me from myself I had thought my life was over but in comparison to now I had no home, no family and yet since I was four my life had been the best it ever could have been. But deep in my heart that was a lie, I did have a family and home because the wolves are, always have been and always will be. As I wrote in my diary - full of every single secret I have ever kept - the soft grass I was sat on blew in the slight breeze just as my hair had brushing delicately against my battered and bruised legs. It calmed me even though I was already, completely content, happy. I lay down allowing it to work it's magic on the rest of my body. My face. My arms. My waist. Like the carressing of the wolves fur when they circled me brushing against me the day they found me. Saved me. I remember it like it was yesterday.
In the distance I sensed movement. I shut the book, my senses becoming sharp and defined. My head snapped up, my neck outstreched searching for the source. A meerkat searching for danger. I was just in time too because from all sides the wolves approached. Bounding through the forest's field, my favourite place since I was found by them stumbling aimlessly in the haunting darkness nighttime used to bring me when I was younger. I'm not afraid any more, as a matter of fact I haven't been for a while. The wolves taught me that. I shouldn't be afraid. There are worse things than night to be feared.
They can't talk to me, not exactly. It is more to do with body language, at least it used to be. Now, I can tell what they are saying just from their howls and whimpers. Cries and moans. Spending thirteen years living with them, things...change. Okay, it's not an easy language to decipher but thriteen years is long enough to learn any kind. The alpha male of the pack, Brutus, reached me first, circling me, their way of greeting another pack member like a human would shake hands or hug even. He rubbed against me and I reached out and let my hand sink into his deep black coat. There were flecks of white covering his body always reminding me of stars in a midnight sky. They respect me. Once they found me they brought me up with their mysterious ways. Took care of me as if I were one of their own, even though I wasn't. Now the tables have turned, I'm like their mother. I take care of them if they are ill or injured. I earned their respect but for some reason I was welcomed into thier hearts way before that. When I was four. Even if they are animals they can't be any less human, in my heart.
Gruff, the second largest, greeted me then. Circling. Rubbing his deep brown, almost maroon, coat against my skin. Once again I let my hand sink into the soft, undercoat of his fur. One by one they approached and followed the same procedure. It was a sign of repect, honor but most importantly, love. I loved them like I would any human family. They loved me right back. Maria the only female (apart from me) in the pack was next. Always recognisable by the brown patch of fur around her left eye, seemingly like a puppy, but apart from that a completely grey coat. Eamon with his beautiful, pearly white coat is the youngest in our pack. Warren with his chocolate and grey coat. Zac and his lighter shade of brown. Fallon with fur so black, even deeper than Brutus, that it looked almost a metallic blue. And last but certainly not least, Caden who I believe to have the most tentative relationship with. As he came forward to meet me, before he rubbed against me, his huge head bowed. Caden was always, even though it is the job of the alpha, keeping everyone in line. Being the middle age of the group it was his job to 'finish the greeting' if you like. I knew it was just procedure but when he bowed to me it was filled with so much more than just that simple movement. I returned his bow.
Slowly, carefully, he stepped up to where I sat in the grass. The warmth of his touch spreading through my body I let my hand stroak the surface of his brown-y-ish coat. Sometimes I believe he had the colour of every wolf in our pack, all blended to make a whole new colour no one, not even I, could describe. Unlike I had done for the others I leant into Caden. Snuggling my face in his fur. I swear I felt him shiver. Sitting down beside me he let his head lie on my lap and tail circle my back. Curling his body around me almost intimately. I breathed in the familiar, musty scent of him. As I lay down my head I wondered when I would ever feel this happy again. I also wondered why I heard the sound of gunfire for the first time in my life from only a mile or so away...