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Hard Time For Me

Poetry By: deminiles

Been going through a rough time needed to get it all out, my feelings about alotta things, dont judge.

Submitted:Mar 30, 2011    Reads: 58    Comments: 1    Likes: 2   

My heads pounding, so many things are going through my head
The tears won't stop falling
I don't know what to do
I try and try and always fail
I don't know whether to give up
Life is so boring; the tears turn black from my makeup
I can't stand it, I can't stand anything
I'm always upset about something
I can never just plainly be happy
There's always something wrong
I always let my mind get in the way of things
Blocking what's going to happen next
I'm always in the way of something
Always in trouble
I can never do anything right
I'm always messing up, I'm not that good person I want to be
I have changed so much and I want to go back but
Its to late way to late to go back
I want to rewind time, but its literally impossible
I swear I've tried, it doesn't work,
I feel as if I keep going backwards because I give up
And go back to where I was before
I don't want to be that person that people looked at
Saying she did this or she did that
Not even giving me a chance
Life is too short for all this to happen
That's why I'm scared, so I try hard enough
To get it all in, in one step at a time
I feel so sad, so hurt
I need something anything
Just to help me get through this
help me change
Nothings easy for me, it use to be
But I changed completely
Im a stranger more to myself
But to everyone as well
I look in the mirror I don't see
Demereace Marie Niles
I see a stranger, someone who
Use to have everything
Still does, but I don't see it
People say it's easy to change yeah
But what about the people around me
Who saw me, when I was a stranger
They can't accept that I had changed right away
I don't blame them
I could go on forever about how I feel
About how I've changed but I run out of words to say
My eyes are swollen from the tears
That I had cried for almost 2 & half hours
My head hurts from thinking to much
I swear I burst into a million pieces
Confessing everything
I have nothing to loose
People bug into my life
Prying it open with everything they have
Well I try and force it to close
But of course me being gullible and weak
It opens
Before it was hard so say no,
Only because I worried to much
About what people think
I only do things out of frustration
Trying to fit in,
But I never seem to realize
That it wasn't what people thought
That I worried about it was always what I wanted
Them to see out of me, I just wanted to impress
No one should try to impress,
Be them selves
That's hard to do sometimes
Because you never want someone
To know the full out real you
Then they know all the secrets
And all the things that can hurt you
I was wrong
Not everyone is out there to hurt you,
And I felt I had to impress every one
And if I didn't, I felt left out once again
If I was myself from the start
I wouldn't of had this problem
If I stayed away from drugs, and
Assholes, I wouldn't be here,
He brought me back to who I was,
Back to where I felt I belonged
Of course it takes some time to get there
But it's worth it in the long run
I usually had given up halfway through
Then went back to what I was doing before
Not even giving myself a chance to change
Because I didn't give myself enough time
To think it through
I cried to my step mom like I had never cried
To anyone ever in my life,
I needed someone
I told her I felt horrible
Like a bad person
Of course she said I wasn't,
But she said I had a conscious
That it's good that I feel horrible
But I don't want to feel horrible
In the end I guess things will get better,
I will get back to who I am, eventually
Even though it'll take almost forever
I realized it's not about everyone liking you,
Even though it feels great, it's about how you
Lead you're life, you won't get any where
Going the opposite way, but going forwards
Is always better then going backwards
Because going backwards
You can't see where you're going


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