If my hand hadn't slipped

As I picked up the knife?

Would everything be better?

Would we be all right?

If I hadn't said my prayers

Before I chose to cut

Would I be a Satanist?

Would I still be called a slut?

If someone was there to help me

To tell me "everything will be fine"

Would I run to the nearest blade?

Would I give all my blood just to hide the light?

If the blood hadn't scared me

As it flooded out of my wrist

Would I have stopped hurting myself?

Would I finally want to end this?

If the scars hadn't spelled a name

Then would I have a reason

To watch the crimson beauty flow

Bloody season after season?

If I had stopped this bloody reign

Would the name not hurt as much?

Hearing the voice that broke my heart

Avoiding the freeze of his once-loving touch

If the blood hadn't taken my soul

Would there be anything left to hope for?

Would I be smart enough to figure out

That there's no after without a before?

If I had listened to myself

And stopped this masochistic reign

Would I have found a home in heaven

And finally ended all this pain?

****

"No, I wouldn't have.

I'm happy now living where I can belong

And love isn't something you need to fight so hard for.

This is home. My home. God's home. Our home...

And home is where you're loved and cared about

Just because. No negotiations, no bargains, no "One thing to ask for"

No demands, no cheats, no lies, no gloats, no threats...Just love.

Love is all we know here-Just like innocence before it is corrupted.

All we know here is how to love.

Right here where I am now.

Because I chose to BLEED......."