Okay I don't know what to do anymore, I just want to fall asleep and wake up. :( I'm going threw alot right now and I have no one to talk to and I hate myself badly right now too. *sighs* Ugh, I'll tell you what I mean
1) I'm in love with someone who might not even like me back and everytime I see his face I cant speak I'll get so close and then nothig come out. :( and my mom doesnt like me to be near guys cause shes scared I might fall in love and they will break my heart, even though that happened already with this one guy who I still see and I don't want to see anymore. and I like logans friend to and I think there best friends! so now I'm like heart broken! :(
2) I feel like I've killed my dad. :( Cause when he was sick I was a freakin lazyass I wouldnt want to do anything and I always thought he would make it so I didnt do much and now I reget it and I cant sleep at night cause when he was alive he use to come into my room and look out my window cause he would get to cold to go outside, so now everytime I go to bed I see him walking in, even though its not him im just seeing things. and I was there when he died (not joking) and I keep having it repay in my head and I feel like crying but no tears come out. :(
3) I'm angry at my mom cause when my dad was alive (same day he died) he was trying really hard to stay but my mom took off this thing that helps him breath off of him and she kept saying, "its okay dear its time to go" and I've been pissed off ever since like I'm angry that she did that I feel like he couldve made it but when she did that oh my god I wanted to sceam. :(
4) My brother, Josh, has been an ass lately just cause of his girlfriend is going to try out for American Idol and hes gonna miss her and I dont know what to do! I just feel like sceaming at him but I dont blame him either. :(
5) Even though my grandma died 3 years ago I feel like I killed her too and I just want to kill myself because of that, and the day she died was the day I forgot to pray for her (she had cancer like my dad) and I feel like that and I hate it and I just dont know what to do. :(
6) I'm having thoughts of dying and being able to be away from everything and I badly want to die like if I could have anything in the world it would me to die. :(
7) I dont want to go to school next year (it will be my first year going. ive been home schooled my whole life.) I feel like im gonna have to go back to 6 grade cause we got WAYYY behide when my dad died. and I just dont want to deal with assholes and bitchs in school. :(
Even though these might not be big things, they are to me, I have much more thing I wanna write and I just want to lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling cause I just wanna die.
Sorry. I just had to write all this you can read and commet or whatever I just had to get this out of me.