I never thought I'd self harm

I felt ugly and fat,

Unworthy of life.

I was never good enough,

Never free from my thoughts.

I was able to resist the knife.

At least in the beginning.

I was a happy child,

I had friends, and a supportive family.

Then came middle school,

And everything changed.

I was picked on and harrassed,

My friends left me to fend for myself.

I had never felt so alone,

So unwanted.

What had I done wrong?

Why were they calling me all these names?

Slut, Retard, Ugly, Fat.

Is this how the world saw me?

I looked in the mirror, studying my reflection closely.

I was hideous.

I hurt so much I was numb.

The pain made me feel alive,

Made me feel whole again.

Each cut I made drowned out the voices calling names,

I could finally breathe.

But the feeling didn't last,

The voices always returned with a vengeance.

So I would cut deeper, and deeper until I began to feel dizzy.

I cried myself to sleep, silently begging the taunting to stop.

It never did.

I needed help, but was too ashamed to ask.

What would my parents think?

My schoolmates already thought I was pathetic,

Why give them the knowledge to hurt me?

I stared long and hard at the irritated scars.

Was I worth it?

I thought about my life,

About my future and school.

I hated the other students,

I wanted them to suffer as much as I did.

Were they worth it?

I thought about the sadness my family would feel,

And found I couldn't do it.

I refused to hurt my family like that.

There was still a chance for revenge.

After all, the best revenge I could give my tormentors was to live a long and happy life.

I'd be damned if I let those bullies win.

I'll face them for as long as I need to overcome my insecurities.

Because while they have the support of superficial friends;

I have the support of an amazing family.