Okay even though it was depressy and sad, it was beautiful. I loved the flow of it. You know how usually I would be all woried about you when you wrote these kinds of things? Not this time my crazy fickled funion. I guess I'm just learning and understanding more eh? You did beautifully with this one. =) Mandy

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

wowzers lol you sure know how to leave your reader speechless
i wish i had read the original. i want to compare it. this was amazing by the way!
those last lines were absolutely brilliant... they are echoing in my mind XD

very beautiful from start to finish - though sad - incredibly beautiful ^^

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

I think this is the very fist time you've knocked me out of my seat. You were right, I didn't understand everything. But I think that NOT understanding part of it, made it all the more good. It created more of a mystery...or suspense because you didn't quite know what was happening. Kind of like a short panic. And that short panic I felt, made me feel like that person in the dark corner, waiting for death and darkness.
This poem has touched me so much more than it may seem. You've really taken the subject of death, and depression to a whole new WONDERFUL level. You've really dug deeper into the heart and soul of the people we write about (mainly ourselves). What I've seen in some poetry are beautiful words and phrases like the ones you've put here, hidden away behind metaphors and similes. But you've unburied them, and brought them to our eyes so that we can REALLY SEE what's going on. And I loved the sentence at the end:

Without a sound,
I will disappear…

Because everyone knows…

Feathers fall silently…


Oh god Lionheart, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get this out of my head. You've have created one of the best pieces of work on this site, and in my head. I've never read a piece like this. You are so talented:) Don't lose this voice that you have, because this voice....people around you everywhere, will listen to that voice.
Once again I loved it:)

Posted: Jul 17, 2008

Our sister is right, you'd think this poem would have us worrying about you. But I'm not. I do love it and it leaves me breathless. She is learning more, and you are growing :)

~DarkFairy~

Posted: Jul 17, 2008

Lionheart, it was true I couldn't understand some things, but many I could. You have just completely just... I don't even know. It's left me speechless, I love it. Yes it was sad and dark and opened up old memories but I think that is what makes you such a great writer. You can give perfect illustrations and I can see the person who is hurting or I think of old memories and in ways it heals me, but enough of my rambling. This was beautiful and I think it is my favorite work from you so far.

Love Always,
Erin

Posted: Jul 24, 2008

I would not be completely honest if I said I understood every bit of this poem. HOWEVER... what I DO know is sufficient. It makes sense that some lines don't make sense because in the end no one will ever be able to completely understand you. It always is a pleasure to read your poetry and though I have not read your earlier pieces, I know you've improved becuase it's difficult to imagine someone as talented as you has always been that way. People can only get better through pratice and your level of writing shows me you HAVE been improving. After all, I believe people can never get worse, only better.

Another thing that must be said on my part, forgive me, but this is not an absolute favorite of what I've read from you. Don't think imprudently of me, I have not yet explained. You see, this piece shows maturity, and though I agree with Zoe about the disinterment of the metaphors, I believe your better poems were those that didn't give it all away.I don't know exactly how to say what I'm trying to say without it being taken in the wrong way, so I'm not going to say it at all. Every comment above, I found has some truth to what I think of the poem, yet there's something else I need to say and I just don't know how to put it.

This was my favorite part of the poem;

A knife cannot cut me,
A gun cannot shoot me,
A flame cannot burn me…

But I will fall…

Without a sound,
I will disappear…

Because everyone knows…
Feathers fall silently…


Ha! I've got it! Okay, so here's what I've been trying to say:

I think your poem could've conveyed what you were trying just as well if you used fewer words. For me, the poem just seemed to carry on, and the more I kept reading, the more I felt it was going nowhere. In the end it did go somewhere! Don't get me wrong, but at first it didn't seem like it was. I felt like you were going deeper and deeper into description, it kind of threw me off.
Oh dear! I hope that doesn't sound too harsh. I would absolutely abhor myself if it does. Again, I apologize. :(

I did enjoy it, in case you were wondering. How could I not? :) You are amazing!

Posted: Jul 25, 2008

Hi honey!
(eating a critical sandwich...good/bad/good)(covered the first good with hi honey)(k).

Ok. I don't understand a screeching feather at all Lionheart. at all! what the heck is wrong with me! I've read this so many times and I'm just not reaching your plane. How odd of me and you.

I still like you.

Posted: Jul 26, 2008

What I like about this poem is that in some parts you seem all tough and resilient and some parts you seem really depressed. Um. I do NOT like that you seem depressed. But I like how you show different emotions, and you portray them just in your choice of words rather than saying "I am depressed" or "I am tough" or whatever.

I really liked it and it's very disturbing, but I'm ok with disturbing. The last stanza is by far the best and really poetic and thought provoking and made me think of a lot of death scenes in movies, you know where everything goes in slow motion and goes silent? Well...on that happy note I need to go so toodles!

Posted: Jul 28, 2008

hi! lionheart. the poem is as light and as endearing as a feather. let ur thoughts fly. and let the dust settle down. lol. ;-)

Posted: Jul 29, 2008

ookei!!! *searching for for words to comment*:P
*****still searching*****
hmm...i think i got few of 'em:P

I so totally LOVED it!!^_^
From MY point of view you have actually expressed a lot of emotions together. And i think that's the best part. And i wont say i didn't understand it, because i also feel kindda the same way at times(i.e: from what i understood..haha!!:P)And i saw it like a movie*short movie* while i read it. L.O.V.E.D. it!!!

And the last lines...*waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa* TOTALLY AWESOME!!XD

Take care Lionheart! ^_^

Posted: Aug 5, 2008

ok i can't believe it! THAT POEM LITERALLY BROUGHT TEARS IN MY EYES! WOW! ur writing is really good! oh! i luved how u wrapped the whole thing up by saying that feathers fall silently! btw i got the response for ur challenge up ....

Posted: Aug 16, 2008