Goodbye but why-101 flash fiction

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Poem By: Nita Eads
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Tags: death, sorrow, flash fiction 101, tragedy, good-bye

This is a dediction to two very close friends of mine. It is also my first attempt at flash fiction. View table of contents...

Submitted: Sep 20, 2008 Reads: 58 Comments: 6 Likes: 3

An argument, a moment of rage she opened the door and threw herself out. As she hit the ground it was all over. She felt pain, anger and suffering. Now she didn’t have to hear his angry words anymore. She didn’t have to deal with any of it anymore

But she forgot about everyone else. She forgot about her girls and her two sisters. She forgot about parents. All the people she’s left behind because she couldn’t deal with the arguing or pain. People left to sit and grieve for her. Pain that can’t be erased because they don’t know: why?

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Comments:

Classy Peach

Hokay...this is pure beauty.
However you should not have to tell the reader, in your introduction, what the theme is. The reader needs to feel the theme when they read the last sentence. So, step back and read it like you have no clue of the background info until you've read the last line that reveals what the flash is about.

I hate to take away from the the sheer emotion and heart wrenching story and the wonderful way you've written. THis is actually quite poetic rather than 101'd. BUt, it still is a flash.

I hope you are alright and hold your pen close over the next while as everyone begins healing. What a horror Nita. Absolute sadness. My sincere sympathy to the whole realm of people involved.

Look forward to your writing as always.

Posted: Sep 20, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you. I just got suddenly inspired after I got the phone call. I am glad for the advice.

Classy Peach

Reading again, I actually thought this was about a teenager, just due to your intro. But it is actually an adult with children.

Soft sigh.

Posted: Sep 20, 2008

Author Comment:

Unfortunantly yes.

Urja

Goodness, Nita! That was intense. Very well written. However, I agree with Peach that it will work better if you remove the theme from the intro - the piece itself says it all, and says it so eloquently.

Posted: Sep 20, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you for reading.

Richard Elliott

A moving and intense piece about what's left behind. Lots of emotion coming from those two paragraphs. Take care and, as Peach says, do hold your pen close as you begin to heal ~ Richard

Posted: Sep 21, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you for reading. Like I said. I hate soliciting, but she said you did really good at 101s. I appreciate the insight.

Marathongman

Excellent

Pain that can’t be erased because they don’t know: why?

Fantastic line

Posted: Sep 27, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks for reading. I have never tried flash fiction before now.

Nixie

Blimey Nita, that was very well done! Flash fiction is usually easy for me but I would find it hard establish and ending like that! It's sad but just perfect! ~ Nixie

Posted: Oct 16, 2008