
Random First Lines: My jeans are torn,My converse are wornThere’s grass in my hair,I don’t know how to share I can... : Poetry » Read
This is a dediction to two very close friends of mine. It is also my first attempt at flash fiction. View table of contents...
Submitted: Sep 20, 2008 Reads: 58 Comments: 6 Likes: 3
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Hokay...this is pure beauty.
However you should not have to tell the reader, in your introduction, what the theme is. The reader needs to feel the theme when they read the last sentence. So, step back and read it like you have no clue of the background info until you've read the last line that reveals what the flash is about.
I hate to take away from the the sheer emotion and heart wrenching story and the wonderful way you've written. THis is actually quite poetic rather than 101'd. BUt, it still is a flash.
I hope you are alright and hold your pen close over the next while as everyone begins healing. What a horror Nita. Absolute sadness. My sincere sympathy to the whole realm of people involved.
Look forward to your writing as always.
Posted: Sep 20, 2008
Reading again, I actually thought this was about a teenager, just due to your intro. But it is actually an adult with children.
Soft sigh.
Posted: Sep 20, 2008
Goodness, Nita! That was intense. Very well written. However, I agree with Peach that it will work better if you remove the theme from the intro - the piece itself says it all, and says it so eloquently.
Posted: Sep 20, 2008
A moving and intense piece about what's left behind. Lots of emotion coming from those two paragraphs. Take care and, as Peach says, do hold your pen close as you begin to heal ~ Richard
Posted: Sep 21, 2008
Excellent
Pain that can’t be erased because they don’t know: why?
Fantastic line
Posted: Sep 27, 2008
Blimey Nita, that was very well done! Flash fiction is usually easy for me but I would find it hard establish and ending like that! It's sad but just perfect! ~ Nixie
Posted: Oct 16, 2008
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Other writing by Nita Eads Anderson Prep (Part I) Through the Mirror Anderson Prep (Part 2) Amderson Prep (Part 3) Anderson Prep (Part 4) More..
Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.