Wish upon a falling star

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Poem By: nuttyz
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Tags: night, falling-star, wish, true

nevertheless...stil wishd upon the falling star...it might actually come true this time? View table of contents...

Submitted: Jul 10, 2008 Reads: 39 Comments: 2 Likes: 1

The night is stunning
I looked up at the sky
Glittered with stars

The moon being the spotlight
Shining all over the place
Making the whole, so enticing

Falling star grabbed my attention
Wishes upon which come true
Heard people say so

I so doubt on it
For my wishes on it
Never came true...

Nevertheless...still wished upon it
Who knows what might happen
It might actually come true this time....

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Comments:

Anna Therese

An ethereal sweet and hopeful poem.
Think about words that may not add to the meaning of your poems and can therefore be discarded? It will then flow much more easily and pack a greater punch. Please tell me if I am overdoing this critique - I only mean it to be helpful because it detracts from your finshed product. Words like "which", "just" even "absolutely" may not be needed? Take them out and see how it feels?
This is a free style poem that works very well. Keep writing.

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

yeah!! it does look much better without those words.
And i so not think you're over doing the critique...:P. It's actually helping me to get new ideas and ways to write poems in a much better way! And i really appreciate that! XD
Will change it soon!

Take care and thanks!

nuttyz~