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I Am the Police State

Poetry By: Patricia McGurk Martin

I Am the Police State is about the impact of a police state relationship on a young girl/woman in her personal life, with the harrowing implications of a societal permission to abuse reflected in her father's treatment of her. She tries to escape the sense of entrapment and an actual prison her father is creating through her ongoing efforts for autonomy and independence in her life. Her efforts don't seem to add up to real freedom, however.

Submitted:Jun 23, 2014    Reads: 81    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   

I Am the Police State

© 2009 Patricia McGurk Martin

I am the police state you never imagined

encompassing your perspective in every dark alley

I WAIT FOR YOU as you run,

your heart beating with a terror

that I increasingly and methodically induce

Flashing bright lights overtake you with

The siren call of fascist male authority

Your slender gazelle legs only animal prey

Hunted in the night everywhere you move

Your free will itself is negated

Every choice you consider

Rendered null and invalid like a cheap coin

Meaningless currency through my constant dominion

Over you

Your boca mouth your boca raton was a gift of mine

Don't you recall you never owned your teeth

I did

I am the police state

your childish tiny teeth likes pearlzs

are in my black gloved hand

as I wait for you to enter the bear trap again

to surrender your legs to me AS I RELEASE YOU

I will never let go of your beating heart

I will never let go of you.

In the office I wait for you as you begin your day

Switching on your computer I lie like a phantom

under the technical shadows, concealed with my authority

your every mouse move your every letter or number touched

is underscored revealed on a mirror image reality

I am looking at you

Screaming your name on your innocent screen I warn you

Of your security transgressions against the state

I track your cell phone calls while listening in

as the employer you trust

and the father you never knew

Sometimes I withhold your paychecks for good reason

I watch you as you pick up your scattered pennies

On the floor as I know you will

Spend them to get away from me

I am the actual police and can arrest you in the office

I am the police state and I WILL OVERTAKE YOU

Your journey will never lead you away from me

At home I have set out our slim white wooden chair

You remember our white chair with slats, don't you?

Telling you ordering you to lose the weight that

Makes sitting in this chair so tight and uncomfortable

For our much too well-rounded young hips and thighs

not like a boy's slim hips more ideal than yours

You will eat only jello for one week but you can pick the flavor

Darling daughter, red or yellow jello? Which will suffice?

You will eat the jello until the weight is gone

and we will be free again!

You will sit comfortably in the white wooden chair

You WILL do this I demand I order you to do it



I am under your feet as you walk and I am over your head

Looking down and around through internet surveillance

I can see you as you relax

I wait like a cat in the black night and may appear

in the bright blue sky of dawn as a friend

Passing you in a crowd unseen

Expecting you to know me when the time arrives

No matter that I have not spoken to you over the years

You must know me because I am the police state

I am the policeman and I am the police state

I am every sinner you ever knew I am every thought

you ever discarded like rumpled pieces of paper

in forgotten trash cans along the way

I have collected your insights even your throwaways

and wait to find a way

To harm you

To love you

To harm you again like before

I am the silver SS guard

The Matador you know and desire

With silver taps on my black shoes, desiree

While I love you wearing my silver black gestapo hat

My black leather gloves folded on the table

My creased brown slacks or black with a brown belt

My businessman's tan briefcase full of unfinished work

I glance quickly in your innocent eyes full of fear

As I stride aggressively through our locked door

holding the only set of keys

that the father threw to the daughter

My black raincoat is well-fitted on my frame

And swirls around me like an impending storm

A terrifying wind tunnel with leaves blowing upwards

Strangling vines adorn the cloth of my coat

A black madonna speaks in a whisper

While the sewing kit has real colored thread and buttons

A nascent ray of the sunlight unvarnished that shone once

I polish the silver shoes of reality with my shoeman's shoeshine cloth

unwanted imagery for women disappears through fair metaphors

as I confidently snap my sparkling leather gloves

for another cloudy day as the Police State

an ambiguous at best reality denied

It was a circumfit joining of the pipe organ

the pipes themselves

were the organ's organs

and were playing the organ

the coffins were tight and unfitting of my personage

I choked until I ran closely with the wind the away wind

I simply flew away as an unknown witch not a famous one

In the sixties-style folk song in which I simply died as a singer

the studio didn't like my work

but who cares about their despair?

the beauty of it is I am free from the ignominy

although it was an origination of the excised metaphor

of a spider's head

they forced me to choose an insect

my father said the SS was never my reference

adding I am the police state

and I will rise from my grave to avenge Patricia

my own order as my child

I ask how the hell did the death's head come to be my reference?

but isn't a daughter always the father's own order

his beloved child

his legacy

and his hope?


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