The Silver Temptress

I’m depressed without a cause

Never knew why, don’t know how

Misery just flocks to me

Because I’m both drawn to the dark and to the misery

I like being secretive

I’m not so nice

Before you cross me, you’d better think twice

Of the hurt and the fucking pain

I put myself through

So what will I be able to do to you?

I’ve become my own jailer,

My own skilled tormentor

I know my weak spots,

And my subconscious tortures me with them

With the notion of love

I’ve had enough

But I cannot stop,

Because I’m a misery chick

No one will ever love me

Tame me

Make me human

Because I’m broken

Dead inside

So why don’t I look like that on the outside?

It’s because I‘m evil

Threatening

Doesn’t hesitate to hurt

I’m so sickening

Tortured,

That’s how I feel

But I’m doing this to myself

I am an evil angel

Who only destroys herself

It’s a mystery how I’m not dead already

Because I’m a ticking bomb

Waiting to detonate

Too many scars on my wrists

Too many suicide attempts

I’m all withered up inside

Losing the battle for my soul

In the haze of all the drugs I take

Too many mental problems to be truly sane

They try to make me happy

But I cannot be

When the destroyer is myself

And my savior is someone else

But why would he touch this evil angel?

Can’t even stand to live without all of the pills she takes

She’s addicted to them, now

And soon they’ll stop working

What will I do then?

I know

I’ll resort to my old ways

Opening the scars

Trying to be perfect

Letting my fingers grasp the silver temptress

Its sharp edge is better than feeling despair

Instead of hate

It loves me

And I’m letting it rule me

Because I cannot stop

She’s been everywhere

On my arms, legs, back

You may think me crazed

But you can cry, I cannot

So my angst leaves me from my wrists

Crying red droplets on the floor

I don’t allow myself to feel anything but the cold of the tempting blade

The stinging cut

The sharp pain

Then the endorphins being released

Making pleasure out of my pain

That’s all I care about

That’s all I ever want

My silver temptress

Breaking down my resolve

I always say I’ll stop

I always try

But the pain is just too pleasing

It’s euphoric

All I’ll ever need…

So why do I long for something else?

I know that inside my evil heart

There’s something more,

A longing of some sorts

But what do I need, except my silver temptress?