I was a lonely kid
A feeling of competition always in my head
Competing for the attention of my parents
Who loved Stephen more than they did me.
So I got better grades,
And smiled with pride,
Report card in hand,
Until I realized they were nowhere in sight.
My brother had taken everything away from me again.
It was his college graduation they’d be at,
And they’d be gone for a while,
So I took out a knife,
And started cutting down my forearm,
When I heard my parents come home.
Staggering, in a haze of pleasure-pain,
I closed the door,
Waited for myself to die.
But they kicked the door open,
The door I was too weak to lock,
And found me sitting there ,
In a pool of my own blood.
They rushed me to the hospital,
Bleeding arm bound tight with gauze,
As they tried to keep me awake for what seemed like forever.
But the hospital was close,
And they took me away,
Put more blood in my system,
And called it a day.
Mother came and kissed me goodnight, Dad just looked away,
And Stephen sat there with a smug look on his face.
He’d get me to do the impossible, I’d admit,
As I got out of the cold hospital bed,
And took the needle out of my arm,
He somehow knew,
And tried to make me stop.
But I shrugged away,
And locked myself in the bathroom.
Placing a bloody handprint on the wall,
I dragged the needle down my arm,
When the security burst through the door,
And buckled me down to the hospital bed.
I kicked and fought,
Because all I wanted was mother’s love,
And instead, I got nothing.