Wave, Read, then die in the Night

I only wish I could speak the words that are pounding in my brain,
When I can't but I need to, I'm just going so insane
I see you every other day, and there's so much to say
To you, I'm just a person, I'm just a robot,
I've no feelings. So I tell you there's nothing on my mind
What I hate is how I have to lie. I just say, "I'm okay."
When I know I'm not, everyone's got a question I answer
a lot. "You okay? How are you?" "I'm okay"
Here's the truth-
I've never felt so torn apart,
I tell myself it's you I don't need,
but what hurts the most is your company,
I guess that I just love this pain,
'Cause I stay and I wait and I wait and wait
but you never ever show and when you do, I'm not here
It's like I can hear you in my ear, say you don't love me
But you always come back
'Cause I'm so lonely
All I want is to have you back
I get so jealous when you're not with me
How I hate all these feelings,
What're you doing to me?
I wish I could get the courage to tell you,
That I'm better off without you-
But no, you make it so hard to breathe
And you know, but you just suffacate me.
I try, believe me I try. So hard, to say,
"Leave me alone today."
And I know how much you say you love me, you
need me, you can't be without me
But you still push me away
Everyday.
You tell me "You cry, I cry"
But how come these tears are still alone
If so, you never show yours, they've got a home?
I put a fake smile on for the show
when I know you won't watch,
You're just a passerby
thinking "Oh she's fine. No need to say hi"
And I start to wonder if our tears bring us closer
then I realize I'm still crying and you're still so far away
So, no, maybe one day- I will finally be the one in my dreams
who stands up and this I will read.
Saying, "This is dedicated to you. I've always loved you. Goodbye."
Wave, read, then die in the night.