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irritation is very poetic. View table of contents...
Submitted: Mar 8, 2008 Reads: 50 Comments: 6 Likes: 2
It's like a car crash in a closed area
As the debris backfires to the middle.
Fireworks illuminate this show of turmoil, while it becomes as bright
as bright as the sun.
And all the while
The beautiful Ballet dancers
are tumbling over the thoughts
With razor sharp knives to replace their delicate feet.
it is a show for the masses.
It plays everytime we all have weight on our shoulders.
Tickets are being sold.
Don't miss your chance.
To see the show on your shoulders.
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True its all on our shoulders
Posted: Mar 8, 2008
"that replace the delicate" I'd reword it to say "to replace their delicate"
Um, the imagery was amazing, if mildly disturbing, but the ending was a bit overplayed. I'd shorten it up a bit. You never cease to amaze me, Darling. You come up with the coolest, craziest shit. XD
Posted: Mar 13, 2008
hi! vesta. u make a trivial incident interesting. that's the mark of a good poet. keep it up. lol. ;-)
Posted: Jun 22, 2008
Yes, the drama unfolds.
You have a wonderful way.
Posted: Jul 16, 2008
Ur my fav of all the poets I've read on here so far-- I really loved the images! -- I'm gonna read more-
Posted: Aug 24, 2008
This actually made me say wow!
You have a great imagination, i really enjoyed it :)
Posted: Oct 7, 2008
© Copyright 2008 Vesta All rights reserved. Vesta has granted theNextBigWriter, LLC non-exclusive rights to display this work on Booksie.com.
