Random First Lines: Thirst and Violence In the darkness I was with Callie. We sat in the dark world that... : Young Adult » Read
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My family is going through a hard time currently over some 'mistress' that my dad preferes to keep and chase my mom out. I guess that kind of explains where this piece kind of came from. View table of contents...
Submitted: May 9, 2008 Reads: 78 Comments: 11 Likes: 4
My finger beckoning not for him
When I don’t consider myself a choice
When that’s all I expect him to do
When I know it’s all with strings attached
When all but his libido comes a calling
I will never have his ring on my finger
And until another comes forth
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I enjoyed this. It has very nice form that conveys a subtle struggle between the two parties, but told from the side of the mistress. At least that's what I get out of it. In any case, good work.
Posted: May 9, 2008
Now I see the rage,hate and hurt your feeling.
Posted: May 9, 2008
The "I liked this", feature is not responding..so i"ll say it..
I liked it!
Posted: May 9, 2008
Well written. You've tried to edit this one; no grammatical mistake. I've liked it as well.
Posted: May 10, 2008
Dear Whitehart,
Greetings from Freiburg, Germany. Thanks for sharing your poem.
I liked it immensely because it was written from the point of view of the mistress. How about letting us know, in another poem, the view of the male lover or 'user.' That would be also interesting but you don't have to do it if you don't want. It was just a thought. Keep the creative juices flowing...
Regards,
Satis
Posted: May 13, 2008
Great approach Deb
Posted: May 13, 2008
Very strong and emotional feelings here. I agree with 4yetile, about doing a different perspective. I do enjoy the 'mistress' perspective, though. Very interesting. Also, maybe do it from your own personal perspective.
MA
Posted: May 18, 2008
When I know it’s all with strings attached
He uses me
Good that she could speak her mind out...
Posted: May 18, 2008
You should read my flash 101 entitled Barfing In A Bowl 101 and you'll know my thoughts on this subject.
Really well written and isn't it too bad? Third parties just don't get it.
Posted: May 19, 2008
Also, it truly breaks my heart to read this from the eyes of a child of circumstance who didn't ask to be there. Keep writing and set your soul free.....
Posted: May 19, 2008
This poem is filled with a harsh reality. Well written!
Posted: Jun 13, 2008
© Copyright 2008 whitehart All rights reserved. whitehart has granted theNextBigWriter, LLC non-exclusive rights to display this work on Booksie.com.
Other writing by whitehart SECOND CHANCES(Happy moments) DREAM COME TRUE THE STRANGERS KISS THOSE MOMENTS SOUNDS OF SILENCE More..
Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.
