EXT -- CIRCUS TENT - EVENING
A young child chases a duck around an enclosure for the petting zoo. The duck reaches it's limit and suddenly turns and starts chasing the child who runs screaming. The child leaps over the fence and runs to it's mother. The clown managing the petting zoo runs over and gives a balloon animal to the child. As the child's father is having his shoes shined while seated next to a balloon vendor. A man in a horrendously ugly suit dances past them. As he dances away we see a circus tent. An old man (Roland) with a monkey on his shoulder steps out of the tent see the dancing man and waves at him as he dances past. Roland has a half eaten hot dog in his hand.
Now there is a weirdo.
(The monkey nods. Roland offers
the hot dog to the monkey, who
sniffs it and makes a face.)
I don't blame you. You know what these are made of?
(monkey shakes his head.)
Hooves and poop.
The monkey covers his mouth with his hands.
Roland drops the hot dog into the garbage. We see that garbage is mainly full of hot dog wrappers.
Next time we get hamburgers.
The monkey claps excitedly. Roland looks around. He sees a sign has fallen over. As he stoops to pick it up we hear snoring. He looks over and we see a young man snoozing off to the side. He frowns
"We pay you to sleep?"
The man slumbers on. The monkey shakes a fist at the young man. Roland picks up the sign and places it back in it's spot beside the tent's opening. The sign says "The Hall of Oddities." Roland looks back at the young man, snoozing away and frowns again.
When I retire I won't miss Prince Valium over there.
I guarantee you that. Sometimes I think that boy fell
out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way
The monkey nods as the old man dusts off the sign.
We see the old man standing outside the circus tent holding a megaphone. The old man looks over at the young man sleeping and rolls his eyes. He nods to the monkey who nods back. The monkey jumps down from his shoulder and dashes over to the garbage. He grabs the half eaten hot dog and throws it at the head of the young man. It hits his in the back of the head covering the back of his head with hot dog toppings. The young man turns and glares at the monkey. We hear the theme to "The good bad and the Ugly" as they stare each other down. The monkey raspberries the young man and runs back to perch on the old man's shoulder. The old man high fives the moneky. The young sleeping man rises and walks to the door to the tent, groggily. He is the ticket taker. He holds a megaphone in one hand and is shouting into it a crowd gathers.
"Alive! Alive! Alive! Yes that is the veritable
truth ladies and gentleman. Each and
every one of the performers that you are
about to see tonight is one hundred and
ten percent genuine. The real McCoy!
Follow me through this doorway to the
best of the best, the finest that the
Carnival has to offer. I guarantee that
you will have never seen anything like it
before But don't take my word for it - step
right in and see for yourself."
The MC takes their fares as they pass into the tent. As the last person files in, he smiles at the monkey sitting on his shoulder
"Work's every time."
He high fives his monkey before entering the tent.
INT - TENT -- LATER
Within the tent is a series of curtained off areas arranged in a circle inside the tent forming a passageway around the exterior of the tent, leading back to the entrance / exit. Facing the entrance is a doorway beside the fist curtained off area with a sign marker "Employees Only" in large red letters. Roland leads the crowd to the first curtained off area.
"The first stop on our tour is Alexandria -
the Alligator skinned woman. Alexandria's
mother had been savagely attacked by a
rabid alligator while pregnant with her.
The poor woman barely survived. It took
eight men to tear the horrendous beast away
from her. She survived but to her dismay
when she gave birth her daughter had
rough scaly skin not unlike that of the
very alligator that had almost taken her life.
Behold - Alexandria!"
The curtain opens revealing a woman in a revealing bikini with very scaly skin.
Some of the audience members look in amazement while others look in disgusted but can't seem to tear their eyes away. The woman struts around, twisting her body around to show off the crackling of her skin. The screen turns to a sepia tone and freezes
SUPER - Jessica, Also known as Sprinkles the Clown.
What appears to be a large red stamp covers the still frame. It says FAKE.
Roland leads the crowd to the next curtained off area.
"And now Behind this curtain is not one -
but two of natures oddities. The creatures
that you are about to see are mutations
but any description that I could offer to
you would pale in comparison to the
sight that you are about to see. Ladies
and gentlemen, I present to you - Triton
and his wife Aquarielle."
The curtain opens to reveal a male and female mermaid. The crowd gasps. Again the screen turns sepia toned and freezes on an image of Triton.
SUPER: Triton, Real name Stanley
The FAKE stamp appears over top of his picture.
The screen again freezes on a picture of Aquarielle
SUPER: Aquarielle, Married to Triton AKA. Stanley
A red stamp covers her picture. This time it is a question mark. The audience is lead to the next curtained off area.
"This ladies and gentlemen is another
human oddity. I proudly present to you
Tom Thumb - The worlds Smallest Man!"
The curtain opens to reveal Tom (a primordial dwarf) sitting on a stool. The women in the crowd ooo and awe at the cuteness
"There he is perfectly formed - as normal
as you and me but only a foot and a half
(Rolls his eyes, under
I keep getting shorter and shorter every show.
The screen again turns sepia and freezes on Tom.
SUPER: Tom Thumb, Real name actually Tom, shown in actual size.
The stamp again reappears. This time is says "Real".
And now to the next exhibit. Estelle - the
The curtain opens to reveal a bearded woman. The crowd stares at her. The screen turns sepia and freezes
SUPER: Estelle, Bearded Lady
The "Real" stamp reappears. We see an obviously drunken man in the audience sneering at her.
Dude! Thats a Dude!
A woman in the crowd rolls her eyes at him in contempt.
I assure you sir that she is in fact a
Dude! I'll beleive it when I see it!
Just be quiet you drunken jackass!
I swear to drunk I'm not God.
You got that right!
Come on Honey! Show us your fun
bags! If you got any.
Estelle stands and lifts her shirt doing a "Girls Gone Wild" impression. Roland looks at Estelle in shock as a few of the women in the audience applaud. Estelle curtsies as Roland ushers them away.
EXT -- TENT -- LATER
We see Roland standing outside of the tent. Estelle walks out.
"You shouldn't have done that, Estelle."
The monkey on his shoulder, crosses his arms across his chest and nods emphatically.
"Why should I care? This is my last night
"Yeah I know Its not gonna be the same
without you here Estelle."
The monkey looks sympathetically at Roland and hugs him.
(rolling her eyes)
"I'm retiring not dying."
Estelle walks away.