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Shakespearean Encounter by the Great Falls of Niagara

Script By: Sambelini
Other


Me and my friend wrote this as a Shakespearean exercise in grade 9 to try using Shakespeare's language and, more importantly, his INSULTS! So, obviously, there are quite a few wonderful insults in here. I think it's a funny story anyways :)


Submitted:Feb 9, 2010    Reads: 105    Comments: 3    Likes: 3   


Oswald stands by his lonesome, his back to the Great Falls of Niagara, facing small groupings of persons mingling amongst one another. 'Tis a warm summers' noontime and the sun blazingly lights the vicinity. Sambelini enters in a searching fashion before being spotted by Oswald's wandering gaze.

Oswald: "Comrade Sambelini, what are thou in search of?"

Sambelini: "Hail and salutations to thou, Oswald! It hath come to pass that Imust search of the spongy old pig of a mutt in the ownership of my cousin."

Oswald: "Oh, what a shame! Ihad raised hope of thine presence at my coming celebration on the morrow. 'Twill be at the seventh hour of the evening."

Sambelini: "Oh, blast it all! If that stenchy, flea-ridden mongrel hath the sense to come hither, I'd accompany you with great cheer!"

Oswald: "Perhaps 'twould return if only we give a shout. What has it been named?"

Sambelini: "Boar-Pig, 'tis what it's called. But it rarely responds to even that!"

Oswald: "'Tis rather cruel. For what reason dost thou summon it by such a name?"

Sambelini: "Tis the name given it by mine nephew."

Oswald: "Very well. Let us call for it, then!"

Sambelini and Oswald: "Ho, there! Boar-Pig, come hither! Hustle thine bustle, thou goatish mangy, hedge-pig!"

Random man: Under the assumption their speech was to him, whips out a dagger and pursues Oswald and Sambelini as if to charge them.

Sambelini: "By jove! Iam inclined to believe he is about to run us through!"

Oswald: "What?Of what excuse? I won't have it!" Takes off running in opposing direction.

Sambelini: Following behind and in time slowing at the realization of their cornering by the Great violent waterfall and the enfuried stranger. "Idon't suppose either me nor you will be present at thine festivity."

Oswald: Does not slow but rather quickens before leaping at the water's edge and falling into oblivion.

Sambelini: "I suppose 'twould be a more superior fashion in which to achieve death." Leaps after.

Now, in English:

Oswald is standing by himself in front of Niagara Falls, watching random people walking around in front of him. It's warm, around noon in the middle of summer and there's lots of sunlight. I walk in as if I'm looking for something for a few seconds, and then Oswald sees me.

Oswald: "What are you looking for, Sambelini?"

Sambelini: "Hey there, Oswald! I'm just looking for my cousins stupid, ugly dog. It's more like a pig, anyway."

Oswald: "Oh, dang it! Iwas hoping you could come to my party tomorrow. It starts at 7."

Sambelini: "Frig! If that smelly old flea-bag would get over here, I'd definitely come!"

Oswald: "Maybe we should call it. What's its name?"

Sambelini: "Stupid-Wild-Warthog-Pig-Brained-Idiot. But it never even comes when you call it!"

Oswald: "That's not a very nice name. Why do you call it that?"

Sambelini: "I don't know, that's what my nephew named it."

Oswald: "Alright, then. Let's call it, then!"

Sambelini: "Come here! Stupid-Wild-Warthog-Pig-Brained-Idiot, come back! Hurry up you disgusting, dirty old hedge-hog who looks like a goat!"

Random man: Thinks that we were talking to him (and calling him a dirty old hedge-hog!) so he pulls out a knife and runs at us.

Sambelini: "Oh dear! I think he'd trying to kill us!"

Oswald: "What? Why!?! I'm not just going to stand here!" Runs away from the maniac.

Sambelini: I follow him but Islow down because Niagara Falls is coming up. I realize that we can't really escape the falls and the crazy man. "I don't think either of us will be making it to your party tomorrow..."

Oswald: Runs faster toward the cliff edge and jumps off like Pocahontas.

Sambelini: "Iguess that's a pretty good way to die. Considering the other alternative..." I jump off too.





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