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How Jake Saved the Earth

Short story By: An Excuse To Speak Of You

My friend Jake is a HUGE starwars nerd, Instead of worrying about School or anything really important, he'll Learn star wars. One day we asked him a qustion, we got 30 mins. of explination, even stuff not from the movies. We said,"How is any of this star wars knowlage going to make a difference?"
Well heres the story of when jake saved the world!

Submitted:Feb 27, 2007    Reads: 129    Comments: 3    Likes: 0   

������������������� As Jake is reading his newest Star Wars novel, he decided to turn on the TV. "Oh my god, the ailens came so un expectedly," said a frantic news reporter on the TV Jake turnned on ", were doomed for shure, nobody knows a thing about these tings, we cant defeat what we have no knowalge of!" As Jake threw a Magnificent gesture, he knew, he wouks=d have to be the one to lead the 'Inter-Galactic Space Battle', also known as the 'Star Wars'. Jake knew this was his calling, he knew this was his time to shine, he was gonna be the hero, but first, his mom needed to give him a ride to Washington D.C....

������������������� Jake stood before the prsident, being questioned of his credentials and qualifacation for the job of 'Grand Master Space Balltler Extraordinare' (the president himself came up with the name). Jake was accepted for his great knowlage of Ailen utilities and all around star wars stuff, with battle knowalge, he was a perfect cantidate for Grand Master Space Battler Extraordinare. Jake now has 600,000 soliders on his side now, ready for battle against the Douchebagediands (the ailens). "For battle is kinda like glory if only you win in the always losing game of life," Jake exclaims to his Warriors, yet stare blankly back at him, not understanding his speetch ", KILL KILL KILL KILL THE DOUCHEBAGDIANDS!!!"

������������������� In a crazy frenzy, the worriors are pumped, ready to kick some ailen ass, Jake now knows he is awesome, he knew all of his star wars knowlage would pay off some day. As the soldiers ran into battle, screaming 'DON'T STEP ON OUR FEET', Jake was in the front, Leading the 'Grand Batallion of Star Wars Like Storm Soldiers For Fighting' (also nammed by the Prez.) With a weapon in his hand and Blood in his heart, ready to spill some forign stuff! A long battle rages, as jake has already stormmed out and eliminated 23 ailens in the first ten minutes, Knowing every weapon the ailens had, every space craft they flew, he knew it all.

������������������� The battle raged on, as the ailens poured out of their ships. They wouldn't fool Jake, as he knew the secret weak points to bomb the whole ship with a single grenade. Jake thought he was on the top of it all, as he combed away every enemy in sight, but outta no where a ship hes never seen before flew twords him, in the ship was George Lucas! All of the pieces fit together now, Gorge Lucas wasn't outta his mind, he knew everything all along. Jake was astonished, yet in a furious rage shot at this one manned close up fighting machine screaming ", You Betrayed me Lucas, now you will pay the ultimate price, very epic like!"The plane crashed and Jake flew aside.

������������������� As Jake awoke, a severd leg lies next to him ",Damn my leg." Then he noticed it was some other guys leg and got up to see�George Lucas, with a red light saber in hand. " Jake, say for me, ' I'm Jake, and today is the day I die ', like in that adreniline movie," as he walked tword him, raising his Lightsaber with great� prejudice ", any final words my dedicated fan?" "Yeah," Jake said ", Make a new star wars movie, IN HELL!" All of the sudden Jake summons Steven Segal to do his bidding! "Try to find the path of least resistance and use it without harming others. Live with integrity and morality, not only with people but with all beings," he says has he just has salin George Lucas. As George falls to his knees Jake yells," I will never forget you!" Jake began to weep.

�������������������A week later after the war was won, a ceremony was held or Jake and Steven Segal. Jake was given two congressional Medals of Honor, and 17 other medals. He was also titled by the president as the ' Super Magenetic King of Killing the Ailens with Extreme Prejudice and No Mercy Shower.' As Jake and Steven gave their speeches, Jake aknowlaged he will make his own star wars, in honor of the late George Lucas. He would come to call it Jakes Wars. How origional is ha?

�������������������������������������������� THE END


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