Crossing Over

The dew forms and slowly drains into my eyes, but I'm unable to react. I have nothing left inside, no willpower, no energy, no desire, nothing at all except to stay quite and still like the living corpse I am and let liquid feet tread where they may.

Not even the sun peeking through my curtains with its warm, worry-free gaze can bring me back to life, for the darkness, that all compressing darkness, which has painted my eyes with a hazy film of gray, allows it not.

And as such, I continue to press on, feeling weak, tired beyond belief, cold as ice, and begging to breath in more of that which has a name but has no form, wanting more and more of its sweetness, but again, unable to go beyond the limits imposed upon me. But how long has this condition prevailed I can't say. Maybe it has been mere minutes, or perhaps several hours since the struggle began, but in any case, I still fight on, why? Why do I continue to wage war against the inevitable that will soon come knocking at on my door. Why do I battle when there's nothing left to gain from the effort.

It is this thought that floods in and dominates my mind, and in the process, brings with it other questions that act like little siblings who are tagging alone with their mother, such as: What will become of me when that never ceasing, never deviating, count down reaches zero? And what about the life I once lived when this has come to be; had it been in vain, or a waste of precious time?

And further more, what will happen to those who have journeyed along with me? Will they live longer than I? Will they find a meaning in their lives that has confounded me for so long? A meaning that has evaded me like a poor stinking-old-soul who lives on the sidewalk with only the chill of the night and a hard gutter for comfort.

Perhaps it matters not that these questions will go unanswered, for now, even now, the light flickers, dims, then all in an instant, it grows brighter then anything I have ever seen before it. And as it does I can see that it's not alone for darkness lurks close behind it, so close in fact, that one cannot identify one from the other.

And it is like this they stand together on the edge of what use to be my life, waving goodbye, saying, have a safe journey. I wave back, for now I realize my time has come to slip beyond the screen of emptiness that rests before me. An emptiness that I fear beyond words.

Oh what I would give to see the twinkling of the stars once more. To greet the smiling lesser light that rules the night; to feast upon the coolness it brings; to taste the illusion of foreverness it represents. One last time my Lord, I pray. Might I have just have one last time, I finally gasp.

And with this last plea I take a quick shallow breath and give a slight sigh, then close my eyes forever. And it is in this state of silence that I leave behind all I've ever labored over, or ever loved, or desired, or wept for, or found beautiful, or ugly. I leave it all behind me, letting all of it dissolve away like teardrops in the womb of a mighty ocean.