I remember how the lightest touch of your hand felt so spectacular against my flesh, how the electricity flowed through me and how much pride you give me being at my side. I love the scent of your perfume, it's so intoxicating to me, how it dances and flirts with my senses, stimulating my mind and awakening the body. Your long blonde hair that cascades down past your shoulders, shimmering with vibrancy, glimmering like a river of gold in the morning sunlight, those deep blue eyes, beguiling and entrancing, doorways to your soul and very expressionate.
Every little piece of you I still love, there is nothing, absolutely nothing that doesn't fascinate me or that I didn't completely and utterly fall in love with. Being in your company was a burst of colour in a black and white world, being your lover is a dream from which I don't want to wake up from. The sexiness of your smile, kissing of your lips, the passion of your body, designed to be flawless in my eyes.
You are a simmering volcano desire, a woman with whom love and lust automatically collides. There isn't an inch of you which I haven't kisses and would like to again, your flesh so soft, the sensations that I provoked within you, made you so vibrantly alive.
You are my Goddess, my ideal lover, the woman that I have dreamt about since being a young child. Listen to me my darling, I know you can hear me, come back to me, fight the demons, the urge to lie down and rest forever, come back and be with me, together forever, remember that's what we said.
He had no right to come into our life's, that drunkard bastard, don't let him win, remember the happiness, the passion, fight the pain. Think about how we used to kiss, mouth's entwining, lips smooching, passion, desire, tenderness and love, each kiss was a lesson in desire, lipstick against lipstick, cradling holding one another, caressing and proclaiming our love so proudly, wherever we were.
Don't let go of that feeling that desire, that need, we love each other, remember how it felt, how it will still feel. We need each other, you told me I was your angel, your desire and purpose, I've never questioned that, but now, now you have to prove those words, you have to beat the odds, I know you can do it, you're the most determined, single minded person I know. How often have you told me to stand and fight, to challenge those who set out to destroy, fight head on and be truthful to both purpose and principles! Well now my sweet Elisha it's your turn, your turn to match those words, your words, with the actions I know you can muster.
Remember things, the good things, the laughter, the jokes, the fun and frivolity, the plans we made, the holidays we intended to take and don't forget the sex, because I know you so enjoyed that, it's always being incredible and you could never get enough of that. I am here for you my darling, I'm not going anywhere, just open your eyes, move a finger, something….. Anything, so that I know you're going to be okay."
I closed my eyes, gulped the last bit of saliva down my tinder dry throat, my body was numb through shock, painful through distress and filled with rage. I remembered when the police had called, how I collapsed into tears, how it felt to have my heart wrenched out, my body shivering from the shock, my mind consumed by blind panic, as they told me the details. Panic gave way to anger, that began to boil, to escalate till it became a seething mass of pure hatred. A total irresponsible stranger had wrought destruction upon our life's, just because he probably wanted one more drink for the road and then judged himself to sober enough to drive.
I remember thinking how I'd like to torture him, kill him, but very, very slowly, agonisingly even, inflict upon him the pain that he has done to the both of us. I remember thinking this as they drove me to the hospital, the ways in which I would be responsible for his death, to drown him in his precious alcohol, force it down his throat in limitless quantities, till he could take no more. I'd of nailed him to the road, driven rusty nails through his feet and hands and then ever so slowly let a car drive over his lower half, watching as bones, muscles and tissue crunched and squelched, then I'd lean over him and ask if he understands now.
Of course I couldn't say that to her, not right now, my heart was sinking as I looked at her, this almost corpse like woman, who had no vibrancy about, her body almost draped like across the metal framed bed, she looked so desperate, so lifeless so empty, the only thing that really gave me hope was the bleeping of the various machines that indicated life. I longed to see her open her eyes once more, to see a smile creep across her face. I wanted to hold her, cuddle, cradle her, kiss her and tell her everything was going to be alright, but I couldn't, I wasn't even sure she ever going to wake up again.
A single tear trickled down my face, my mind desperate, living in nothing but blind hope, the tear slipping from my eye rolling down my cheek, its wetness and warmth alien to a surface that numb and cold from the shock. A battle raged within my mind, visions of hatred and revenge that was grotesque, viscous and restrained from such things as compassion, something which before now I never knew existed. Contrast that with the moment of desperate love for my darling, my life that lay in front of me fighting for her right to simply breathe.
I feared the worst but hoped for the best, I hated, detested the man who sat alive in his cell, breathing freely, without the need of a machine, the man that had caused this yet who suffered no ill harm and me standing by my lovers bed-side powerless to do anything, reduced to a spectator as forces beyond my control dictated if she lived or died. I bent down to her ear, my voice faultering, tears welling up once more.
"Marry me", I whispered between trying to hide the sobs, "I know we said we wouldn't until we could do so in a church, but why wait, you love me, I love you, just wake up and marry me, please say yes and marry me……."