To Make You Feel

i wanted to know something desperately... The only answers i found were nonsense and from people who were not asked. They heard a question posed and felt arrogantly compelled to answer; as if their name had been on my lips. They were in error and their responses irrelevant. The question remained..whether lovely or stale it hung in the air impaled on hope. ******************************************************** "How many messages did you leave?" i heard his voice in my head as i read. i had my answer as terrible as it was, hope bit the air with its dying breath. Not a yes or no but a polite dismissal of real importance, with a tone of uncomfortable annoyance.  The "arrogant gang" giggled and stroked themselves happily. Apparently they thought now my question would be redistributed and they would somehow benefit. Another mistake on their part. I stopped asking. Instead i sang and moved with the music of my loss. The pompous audience applauded my performance as if they were invited to watch. The new question addressed to no one important...."Who cares?" ******************************************************** My world a glass box of words understood by windex. If i clean it, it becomes dangerously invisible. If i do not, no one understands the dirty surface or weeping contents. Either way i throw myself against the glass hoping to break it. Die on its broken pieces or escape to bleed outside. I see the gang and what they think of me, and what they think of themselves. i am unpopular. i address some by name and state the repeated question..."Who cares!??!" ******************************************************** My pain hurts them and him. i know its there, i cannot make it stop and they refuse to stop eating it. A lovely dinner smile on all our faces as we wipe our blood stained lips. A dainty napkin of "Who me?" poised for another dab. His name is the main course. They are ravenous. i read the menu aloud. I am not on it. Absolutely not available, but its an interesting meal. They stay for seconds, then thirds, now fourths, and think i owe the tab. Now im laughing through my tears. Welcome to, "you are to fat to leave my crystal cave." "i cared once, perhaps i still do if i ever see you again my love."