No sugar coat, it is what it is….My life so far has been caring for others, others as my family. Tragedy came to ours like many others but I made the choice.To sacrifice years of my life, caring for my brother and my father. I made the decision to do so. Many times I felt angry, pity, remorse,but hung in, until I had to. Brother paralyzed in 1990, never walked again. Father was born with muscular dystrophy. Through my highschool years had to start working, to help with the change in our lives with brother. Father was getting worse through my late 20'searly 30's and needed my full care 24-7 with every function, we that are able bodies, which some take for granted,that we have to do daily.. feeding etc. a caregiver I guess you can say I was…….was.
Years of great memories, and regretful actions at times on my part, with just getting over whelmed and stressed, but thatwas my decision that I made…seeing friends move on with careers, kids, lives…. Made me upset; I'm sure like anyone it just felt likemy life was stalled, on hold, my decision. Putting my father into a home was an option to some, but not for me, burden to others whichI had no problems baring the cross, will carry that on my shoulders with pride,he was my world my blood…my life.It's been almost 6 months since he passed and now my purpose….. I'm still trying to absorb.Everything I done was for him,should of, could of…..doing so now, my decision.At the time of caring for him, I felt angry, loved, happy, underachieve, needed,reason.
I reckon that life has passed me by, my decision, that I made. If I had to, would do all again. Caring for my father, brother, broughtme satisfaction that I was helping someone who couldn't do the things they once used to or couldn't before with their lives. Makingtheir lives little more enjoyable, for what they were dealt. A feeling of purpose. Which in return I gain respect for, myself.To know myself.so now I'm starting to live for me, strange grounds I'm treading on.Getting a late start but, more possessions wouldbe nice, money would be nice, no drama, no drama would be nice but not in my life..
I'm content with being alive and being an able and understanding person who cares a little more for others than myself.We make out with what we are dealt and we deal out and play with what we have.. I feel blessed to know my friend, my father, who displayed how to overcome what life may throw your way. They were my decisions that I made. Working from job to job makings ends meet, gettingthings together, taking time,in something with schooling to further or get more of an education. Something a little easier for work. With no drama well in the world I live in.In life, you're going to run into or have drama, somewhere down the line,one thing that is draining from me…"drama", I made my decisions.Lost years, gain dignity, to live to be loved.Shared emotions, family and friends, good times and bad.Life is what we make it, time here is short. I need to Run.