Flawless World by Alan Huang
"Dinner!" Mother yells over the vociferous sound of the ventilator.
I look to the right corner of my monitor screen. 6:30, I move lazily and stared out to the window. The gloominess overtakes the cambridge blue of the sky; dark sinister clouds gathers from all directions. Oppressive and heavy tension in the atmosphere are forming intensively, draining all the energy I have left. Drowsily, I stand up and walk to the dining table.
Mother and I sit around the dining table having dinner while my Brother is sleeping lifelessly in the basement. We are eating in silence, awkward but usual we eat unhurriedly. Since Mother and I don't eat much and Brother hasn't left his lovely room of depression for a many days, leftovers filled the refrigerator.
"I cannot predict your appetites, nor when will your Brother be done with his stupid computer and leaves his room. I can't stand either of you anymore. Damn brats." Mother curses under her breath but not too quiet; so I can hear her.
I lean back abd stare at the darkening gray sky. Is it my fault that I am always dissatisfied with Mother's cooking?
A few ravens swoop down to despoil the dead rats that I killed in the backyard.
Unless my brother is around, my Mother cannot stop complaining about me - almost everything about me to my raw existence. And unless my brother is around, she will change her target and complain about Brother and praises my actions that she has been complaining about.
The world is not rotting. The world has already rotted to its core.
I look out of the window to see the coming spring and think; we are cursed from the day we know how to judge. We start rotting until we become bigots. People are fooled to death and are still fooled after death. Absolute justice? Infinite happiness? I sneer and kept thinking; these idealistic morals are only an illusion to comfort the one's who are weak for the reality. From the day we begin to know the truth, we are doomed with an awful curse of betrayal and lies through our entire life.
Absolute justice is only a lie of a dictator trying to gain absolute power.
I stand up and walk to the medicine cabinet and take out three or four prescriptions from a bottle. I return to my room, and swivel my chair until it's facing the window. I sit down and look to the obnubilating mist that overcasts and the drizzles from the leaden sky. I glance down to the pills and close the curtains; I walk back and shut the door to my room. I take out a blank paper from my printer and a blue pen from my pocket. I jot down a few words, then lie on my bed and cover myself with cool blankets.
I feel the heaviness of the pills in my right hand as I stuff them into my mouth. The pills are ponderous as they enter my mouth. I feel tears sliding down my cheeks as I swallow them as the pills lighten up my life.
The oppressiveness that has constrained in my heart slowly fades away until I feel free again.
And yet, I am free again.
I Love You But I Got To Go