Cutting to Heal

it feels good. Like a moment of sun on a cold rainy day. It’s not meant to hurt. It is meant to distract me. It is meant to make me forget, and it works. I forget the mess of half created sentences and the problems drowning out more problems. I forget all the demons screaming at me keeping me awake making me remember everything wrong and forget everything right. But when that blade finally hits, it all stops. My mind goes blank. It’s absolute peace. It gives me time to think, space to find what’s really important. It gives me room to start over. It’s wonderful. It’s what I wish everyday would be like. Just not because of the blade. Unlike what you may think I don’t like to hurt myself. I just think that sitting here in pain is better than sitting in torture.