Hannah here! Today I start my diet. And yes I will succeed. I will be skinny like the popular girls at school. There will be no more sneering and fat jokes when I lose weight. I will fit in with everybody else and not be an outcast. Hopefully people will actually start to talk me except for my friend Nicola obviously. Nicola is awesome. She has been my best friend since nursery and she has stuck with me through all the pranks the cool kids at school pulled on me. She was there to help me cut the chewing gum out of my hair the cool kids put in. She even helped me get to the bathroom quickly after Monica (aka super bitch) poured her water all over me and told me go on a diet. She made the whole cafeteria start clapping and chanting Eat a salad while I stood in the middle of the cafeteria dripping on the floor with Monica laughing cruelly. I can still feel the tears and that feeling of embarrassment mixed with anger. She has it easy. She is perfect and pretty with a supermodel's body. I've never been pretty. I never will be. I have accepted that. But I can dream right? Am I not human? Do I not have the same rights as Monica and the rest of them? This is too upsetting. I can't write anymore today.
- 20 November 22:14
Today was horrible and I feel so alone. I ate my dinner in the girl's toilet today to escape Monica but she came in anyway. She kicked open my door and pushed my food out of my hand. It flew everywhere. Monica and her friends laughed as Monica dragged me by the hair and dunked my head in the toilet. She flushed it too while my head was in there. I could still feel the burn as I tried to hold my breath. I feel like an animal and waste of space. Is it true? Am I not worth anything? Nicola has turned on me too. She said she has had enough of the bullying. But what hurt more was the fact that she joined in when people pelted me with burgers when I was walking home on my own. I can't do this anymore. I'm crying too much to write. I don't deserve to live or be happy.
- 21 November 21:34
Hannah was a wonderful friend and a beautiful person. I never should have let her go through this on her own. If I had stuck by her maybe she wouldn't have overdosed on Diet Pills. The doctors told me she committed suicide. If I had been a better friend, I could have stopped her. But I wasn't a good friend to her. She deserved better than me. Now I have to live knowing I helped kill my best friend. Please forgive me Hannah. Rest In Peace Beautiful <3
I love you and miss you Hannah.
- Nicola 22 November 8:00