The waves brushed down across my feet giving me the sensation of being pulled out to sea. Being pulled out into the endless waters where I could lose everything I never wanted. I walked down the shore, my feet being cutby the shells that littered the beach and mixed with the sand.The beauty of the beach, the oranges of the sunset and the way the watermoves, covers all of theproblemsthat are under the serenity.The shells cut your feet, the hot sand burnt your skin, the jelly fish stung your legs, and the salt water buries in the bleeding slices. It was like life. It looked beautiful until you tried it yourself.
I sat in between two rocks in the side of a cliff and pulled my knees to my chest to rest my head on. The breeze of the ocean blew across my face whipping my hair around. The wind should have been cold, but nothing affected me anymore.
My eyes started to burn as the salt tinged air blew harder. I didn't bother trying to rub them or blink the pain away. I wasn't going to cry, I hadn't been able to since her death. My eyes, though, were always red-rimmed and had dark shadows under them. I didn't sleep for if I do, the dreams wouldcome back.
The dreams were painful and woke me up screaming. They were the only things that did make me show emotion; fear and sadness.The dreamsheldbright lights zooming toward me and then nothing at all. I always ended up wandering to look for a light and that was when her voice started calling me. At first it was light and bubbly as if she was teasing me, but then it turned desperate until the only thing left was choking then nothing at all. I squeezed my eyes shut, it was even too painful to think about. Camille had been my best friend and I hadn't been there.
I shook from the memories that came flooding back. Tears started to prick my eyes and I pushed them away. Crying made it too real. Reality was something I stayed away from.
I pressed my head into my knees anddug my fingernails into my palms. I tried to block everything out. A shuffling noise near me interupted me thoughts and I pulled myself closer to the cliff.
"Little angel!" I heard someone calling. I pulled myself closer and then froze. Somehow I knew they were calling for me, but I didn't want to be found.
The shuffling came closer. "Little angel, why do you cry?" a tenor voice said at my level.
The person wasn'tgoing to leave, I could tell. "I'm not," I said, my voice suprisingly even.
He, for he was definitely male, came closer. "Your soul is crying little angel, why are you so sad?"
"My soul?" I asked. What was he talking about? If anything I thought he would have seen my red eyes.
He moved closer to me, only about three feet away. Then he said quietly, "Cami doesn't blame you."
I moved my head up when I heard her nickname; only what I called her. He was sitting on a rock a bit further away than I had thought. I looked at his face, he was beautiful. The only guy I would ever dare call beautiful. Every angle of him was inhuman. His skin was a flawless cream color. His brown ringlets met his shoulders and his body was thin with wiry muscles throughout his arms and legs. His eyes were the most amazing of it all. They were a green that contacts couldn't even get to that level of perfection. They were bright and yet it was as if he could see through me. He was the image of pure.
"What?" I asked, my voice tight. He came a bit closer, he compelled me in a way. I couldn't look away from him, but looking at him terrified me as well.
"You didn't do anything Samantha," my name sounded beautiful, "Camille doesn't blame you. She was hit by a drunk, you didn't do a thing."
I tried to protest, "if I had been there-"
"Yes if you had been there," he said cutting me off. "You would be dead too. Cami wouldn't have wanted that."
I swallowed hard, but the tears continued tofall down my cheeks anyway. I didn't want to cry. I had stopped crying before because everytime I did, it upset everybody else. "She had goals and dreams, she made a difference to people! I do nothing!" I cried, my voice echoing back to me. A fresh wave of tears came.
"You have goals too. Samantha, you were her friend and you have to live to carry out her spirit now. You're soul is one now, you carry apart of her with you. Nothing is just despair," he said.
My voice was barely a whisper, "how do you know all of this?"
He smiled at me. "I'm somebody that comes to those in need of help. I help all of those fallen angels out there. You are all better than me, but sometimes you just need a hand to hold. I have that hand. You are one that sacrifices yourself for the people you love," he said.
"How come you haven't said your name?" I asked, now in complete awe.
His bright laugh felt like liquid warmth through me. "I have no need for one. I have many nicknames, yes, but my name is long gone. I do not need it," he explained. "Little angel I am here to help you, look out into the ocean. What do you see?"
I looked out into the expanse of water. "Nothing, like everything is impossible. The waves are just ready to pull those who are willing to fail away," I mimicked my earlier thoughts.
"Why does it have to be impossible? You know that there is land on the other side of that water. People have been there before. What's impossible is only the product of giving up." He looked back out. "There's something there, you just need to know where to find it." He stood up and walked to me. He knelt down and whispered in my ear. "All will be better in time. Your wings will heal." He then pressed his lips to my forehead and said, "good bye mylittle angel." I watched him walk down the beach until he vanished from sight.
The memories of Cami and I laughing filled my mind. Everything just went by until that last night. I had told her not to drive out that late without me. She had anyway. The last thing she told me was that she loved me and would never leave me. Those words had cut through me when I had heard the news. Now I accepted it happily. The pain was still there, but not as raw. She loved me and I loved her. I smiled and said to nobody in particular, "Cami, I'll never let your memory die."
I looked up to the horizon, the water was still an endless strech. You can use endless and forever anytime, but it doesn't mean it's real. Endless is only a thought, but if you squint real hard and put all your energy into it, there's still that glimmer of hope on the other end. It isn't far off, it just depends on where you look.