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anger. friendship. love.


Submitted:Mar 31, 2013    Reads: 21    Comments: 1    Likes: 1   


Anger Within...

I have never been the barbie doll girl type and all my friends were in the military of some sorts. I was befriended by this group of friends because I was a dare-devil and I was pretty bad ass, though I was still kind of young. I was the youngest in the group other than the other relatives of the group leader. I was the one they protected as I did my share of protecting. I was with these guys for a couple years before all this went down. But, one summer things went for an unexpected bad turn and nothing was ever the same afterwards. Everything continued to go downhill for each member of the group. The only thing holding the very few in the group who were left was the love and trust we had for each other as the rest went their own separate ways.

A few friends and I went on a hike near a park we all lived by on a summer evening after a night of drinking. At the time we were tredding through a partly shallow creek; I had no shoes on was stepping on sharp rocks and god knows what else. All I had on were my black and red skull bikini set. I was left behind as I tried to keep up. I always tried to show the men up since they were all military and I always had a thing for the military. I didnt want to show any weakness. I ignored the pain and kept going without a word. I wondered why he didnt slow down and wait for me. I was so close to the leader of the group. I went to him for everything.
We were next to some trees that went further into some woods near the park as I tried to stay near the side of the creek so I could see what I was stepping on when I noticed a distant friend of the leaders slowed down. I always had the creeps about him. He just didnt seem right to me so I always stayed my distant from him. He was a player. Cheated on his girl every chance he got. I hated him and I considered myself well warned about this guy. The leader of the group kept him around for the connections he had. The guy started out with small talk; casual conversation. I ended up lost in thought as I tried keeping everyone else in clear sight. I wasnt listening to his words, my focus was to catch up. Next thing I knew I was being drug deeper into the woods out of sight and ear range....

I made it home. I layed in the bottom of the shower with hot water pouring over my body. I thought about what I was to do. I didnt want to report him because I had already went through this shit with my brother. I was not up for more court or anything that followed. They would end up questioning and looking into the group and that was not a clear option. I was more than angry, not only at myself but at the leader of the group for letting me fall behind. And for not being there for me knowing what that guy was capable of.. I thought about my next move for a few hours. After my shower I received a text asking where I disappeared to. I grabbed the gun from under my bed, made sure it was loaded and left the house a little before midnight. My mind was focused on pulling that trigger. Ive been through this shit before with a guy who I thought I could trust, how could I let this happen again? How could he let this happen to me? My anger was overflowing and my temper was about to blow.
The only people in the apartment when I showed up was my best friend, his girlfriend, a couple of his brothers, and the ass-hole. I walked into the front door with my gun drawn at the guy. The look in his eyes told me he knew why I was there but my best friend didnt. How the fuck could he not know? My best friend took his girlfriend to the back room while his brothers tried to talk me into setting down my gun. At this time there was no talking sense into me. They knew this so my best friend tried to talk to me. To calm me as much as possible. I was not afraid to put a hole through this guys skull for putting me through this again but I wanted the whole group to know what he did to me before I pulled the trigger.
"Tiff, lets talk about this. Why so angry?" my best friend says calmly. I was shocked that he truly didnt know.
"You should know what your damn connection did to me. His life is over. Im not going through this shit again." my best friend looked so lost. He really had no clue and I could tell he was hurting at the thought of what this could be about. His mind was reeling at the many possibilities. When he stopped in mid thought. I guess he finally read between my words. "Im not going through this shit again." His eyes shown complete anger. His brothers were still lost until he looked at them. One look and they already knew. His closest brother broke the silence.
"Are you fucking serious!" His brother hit the guy and we watched as he hit the floor. He looked me in the eyes.
"Baby, you dont need this under your name. You have a great future. Hand me the gun and take my best knife." I thought about this. I knew my guys had my back. I have so much love for my guys as they love me. I traded him the gun I had ready to blow a hole through this guys skull for a nice blade. My guys let him go. He brought himself to his feet and stood up against the wall in complete fear. He knew he messed with the wrong chick. He knew the love my guys had for me. My best friend looked him dead in the eyes with much anger in his expression and he shook.
"I dont give a fuck about your connections. You do not lay a hand on my girl. Ever! You will get yours." My best friend had his arms around me. The love me and him always had for each other has always been known, though we never made any action to do a damn thing about it. We claimed each other even though we both had someone else. His brothers was to take care of him. As my best friend turned me around to head out of the apartment, I quickly turned around and threw the blade I still had in my hands with much force at his head. It hit right next to his skull and stuck deep into the wall. His brothers looked shocked. Speechless.Then, my best friend and I left. I had nothing to say for the first part of my ride back. I was angry. I wanted to hurt my best friend for letting this happen under his watch. He knew better than this. He knew what I went through the last time this had happened to me. He made a promise to protect me from all the bad guys. He broke that promise too many times for me to still hold on to it. He hooked me up with the most worthless piece of shit ever and I was still stupid enough to stick around for him. Now this guy?
"You should have been there for me. You should have protected me from him." I said without looking at him. I had my hands in my lap and my eyes out on the street.
"Hes done Tiff. Drop it." And the incident was never spoken about again. Though more hell broke loose a couple weeks later. He said, she said bullshit. Snitches. The usual. Eventually, I left home with the guy I should of dropped when I found out about the drugs and the other women. I gave him the chance that I will never give anyone else. I will never trust another man as long as I live. The question I always ask myself; why me? Why wasnt he there to protect me like he promised? I kept my friendship with him as I still protected him through the shit he got himself into. No, it wasnt fair for me but I did it anyways because I had love for him.

A couple years later everyone ended up going their own ways though we all still kept contact. We all still have our love for one another. Secrets are still held. But, sometimes I still wonder what it would be like if we all stayed in the group. I know what I am meant to be now and the decision I made of leaving home was the right one. I made my decision and I still refuse to this day to not let that decison be for nothing.





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