So if you haven’t noticed, my depression has soared sky high today, 19/11/2011.
I’m guessing some of you want to know why.
Well, here it is-my sister, her friend and Lissa, my mother, all told me some pretty horrible things today. Things that I thought about myself anyway, but now, now they’re etched into my brain and heart, and they are never going to leave me. They will be my shadow, forever.
The reason I’m doing this is because I really hurt someone who means absolutely everything to me. He’s helped me through depression just by talking to me. He talks to me all the time, makes me feel as though I’m not a waste of complete space. He is the reason I breathe and the reason I haven’t died yet.
Before I met him, I was dying inside, trying to find a reason for my pathetic excuse of a life. He managed to sow up my broken heart and shone a bright light onto my blackened soul. He is my everything, and I only seem to hurt him, when that is the one thing I never, ever, wished to do.
I love him.
He goes by the name of Ghoul24.
Jimmy, my Gummy Bear, my Big Brother, my Best Friend, my Life, my Cookie, my Everything…I love you. I’m so sorry I only hurt you, but please forgive me. I love you completely, now and forever.
This is the reason I will continue to write. This is the reason I’ll continue to live.
There’s nothing left to say except that I love you and please, please find it in you to forgive me.