You see a light, but try to turn away. It’s hard, the light draws you in, though you know the light is not good. It’s not something you should give into, not something that should be there…
“Marie, Marie, MARIE!” someone says, “Wake up, please Marie” your eyes to focus and you see a pair of blurry gold eyes, above your own purple. The white walls surrounding you seem to have no end, the black bed a bad contrast.
“Yes, yes, I didn’t follow the light,” you answer back. The gold eyes frown.
“You saw the light again? Oh no, that is not good, it’s worse now. ” the gold eyes look away as your eyes finally focus. Sammy, she is your only companion, but she is a coat, so she is not a friend, just someone to talk to. You know that her name isn’t really Sammy, but that is what she told you. She looks like the models you remember seeing on TV when you were little. Blond hair, pretty features, her gold eyes making her exotic.
“I turned away though Sammy, I didn’t even look for long” you’re getting excited, “Sammy, it was exhilarating seeing the light and defying it, it was like, like defying the coats. Impossible, but it happened!” Sammy frowns again for some reason you can read her mind, and you hear her saying that she should get the pills. Suddenly you shake your head, red hair flying everywhere. You’re a fire.
“No! I’m not taking the pills, they make me dull, I feel bad when I take them and I HATE them!” you flail around, and she looks worried.
“Marie, I wasn’t going to make you take the pills.”
“Yes! Yes, you were, I know what you are thinking, I hear it, you always think this, and you get a look on your face.” you laugh hysterically, this was all so ironic, you did want to the pills they put you into a sleep, you love sleeping, but this sleep is not good, this sleep makes you feel as though you are falling through black, as though there is no end, you will always be falling, no door, no window, no escape. What you want is escape. And escape is what you get as they shove pills down your throat, and you start falling.
The black is endless, falling- you can’t see your hands, so can see nothing. For some reason though, you feel a calm, you know that it is unusual to feel calm, but it’s also unusual to be falling through black. But the black keeps coming, no light this time.
A pair of grey eyes stares at you, a hairsbreadth away. You scream and try to find a corner with the black and white blanket in your hands.
“A coat, a- a- a- a coat, what are you doing here? I swallowed my pills, I did, I swear.” you say.
The figure laughs. “Ha, they told me you are crazy, but they didn’t say that you’re paranoid as well.”
“I- I-I-I- I’m not paranoid, who are you” Hiding under your blanket, you look paranoid.
It laughs again, “I’m your new roommate, and my bed is over there. Unlike you, I’m not crazy; I’m just a little weird.”
“I- if you’re not crazy then why are you in a room with a c- crazy person? I’m crazy, at least, that’s what they say, though you shouldn’t believe them, they are just as crazy as I am. E- Especially the coats, they think they are helping me, but all they do is make it worse.” You close your eyes for a minute, trying to hold back your fear.
Suddenly his hands are holding yours; you haven’t felt a touch so gentle in a long time. So gentle, it almost hurts. His face is close to yours, and for the first time you can see his features clearly, his grey eyes have blue spirals that hypnotize you, his brown-black hair matching his long lashes and a smile so white it hurts. White that matches the walls; it hurts your eyes, like seeing a blank space in his face. When you shy away, he speaks softly,
“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you, I’m here to be your friend, so please don’t be scared,” he says. You glare at him.
“I don’t have any friends, so why are you one?” He matches your stare, and you flinch. No one has ever matched your stare before; no one wants to look at purple eyes, you think about it.
Are my purple eyes why I am here? But then maybe that’s why Sammy is nice to me, her eyes are gold, and his eyes are grey and blue.
But then you dismiss it, you’ve already gone through this before, you don’t know why, and it doesn’t matter, even if you came up with a reason, it wouldn’t help anything. They never listen anyway. Then you think to ask something,
“What is your name, anyway?”
“What is your name?”
“I asked you first,” you start to giggle, and he has a slight smile on his face. “Fine then, if you’re not going to tell me, then I’ll start. My name is Marie.”
“Okay,” He says, “Marie is a pretty name,” No one has ever said anything about you is pretty before, and you blush slightly. He continues, “My name is Colin.”
“Then let us introduce ourselves introduce ourselves, but watch out there are gnomes in the walls, and if you say anything embarrassing or bad, they will use it to hurt you. Gnomes are scary,” you shiver, “But now we are a lord and lady, okay?”
“Okay.” Colin stands up with you, and you curtsy pulling your white dress around you.
“Dear lord Colin, what a pleasure it is to finally make your acquaintance.”
“My lady Marie, your sister has told me all about you. I figured you quite exotic, with your flaming hair and violet eyes. Maybe it would be brash of me to ask you this, but what is your favorite color.” You pretend to gasp as if this is a very preposterous thing to ask.
“Well Lord Colin, I do not know if it would be very much appropriate of me to answer that solicitation,” You lay it on thick, getting into it. “But, my favorite color is that of the sapphire shining on my delicately sculpted hand.”
“Why thank you, be sure I will remember that as I sail to the land of India.” Colin smiles, and expects you to answer, but for some reason you are standing as still as a statue, unable to say anything, air from a vent wafts some strands of your hair around. Then after Colin loses his smile, you lose it. It is impossible to contain, your mouth opens and you scream. Your legs collapse and you lie on the floor screaming. A door you didn’t know was there opens, and blue behind the white, and Colin turns around as some coats rush in. Sammy runs with them and she asks what is wrong. You shake your head not opening your mouth, and when they see you’d rather die than take the pill, one opens a box takes a needle out and pierces your skin. Before you black out you see Sammy talking to Colin. And frown as your vision fades away.
Blue spirals in grey. His eyes, what are his eyes doing here? They hypnotize you as the gnomes you fear so much toddle into your line of vision. One is carrying a bloody shovel, and the other is dragging a black bag. You scream without a sound as it all blacks out again, and you hear a wail, a banshee, you cover your ears, but discover there are no ears to cover, and no hands to cover them with either. A goat floats by you on the river you discover yourself floating through, and it asks you why you are waiting, and you tell him that you aren’t waiting, they are. Just as the goat is about to answer you, you are woken up.
It’s all the same still, white. But what could you have been expecting to see, blue? Green? That’s impossible, time passes too slowly to have anything change quickly, and it isn’t possible to keep time in the room though. You look around and see Colin sleeping. Then Sammy is there talking to you about Colin.
“So, what do you think about Colin?” she says.
“I think he is nice, but why is he here?”
“Because he wants to be your friend, that’s why. Do you like him?”
“Sure I like him; I’ve always wanted a friend”
“Aren’t I your friend?” She looks a little hurt.
“I wish you were, but you are one of them, I know you don’t think so, but you talk like them, and you think like them. You are just prettier.”
“I’m sorry Marie, I’ve tried hard to not be like one of them, I wanted to be your friend, but the fact that you can distinguish me as a doctor is good.”
“SHHH! You can’t say that word, you are the coats, the gnomes will hear be mean to me if they know I have you-know-whats in my life.”
“Then back to Colin, are you going to try to be nice to him.”
“Was I not nice to him?”
“Yes, when you had an attack, it scared him.”
“But it shouldn’t scare him if he is like me.” For some reason, you feel as though he listening but try to ignore the feeling. You know it isn’t nice to listen in on people’s conversation, but it also isn’t nice to point things like eavesdropping out. Plus, Colin is nice and I want him to like me too. Colin seems like he could help me, make me get better faster, though that probably won’t happen.
“He isn’t quite like you; no one is like you, you are your own person. There is no possible way to match your… never mind,” Sammy turns to leave, you quickly hug her, she seems to be surprised and pries your arms off gently.
“Goodbye Marie,” Then she leaves.
Colin gets up about five minutes, but you can’t be sure. Though when he does get up you rush over to his bed, the flames of your hair streaming behind you in a river-like current. You apologize to him and he answers back nonchalantly, telling you that it was no big deal because he got over it as quickly as he fell asleep. You laugh and both of you sort of sit there for a while, until you shake.
“Last night I saw the gnomes,” you say.
“Oh, really?” he answers.
And you nod your head.
“Yea, I also saw a goat, he talked to me, and he wore a monocle, and he asked me some questions….” You find that you are able to tell him everything that is on your mind. All of the things you could never tell Sammy, if you had told Sammy she would have mad you take the pills. Days pass, weeks maybe, and the whole time, you talk to Colin, sometimes you even fall asleep next to him, your head on his shoulder. Whenever you talk to him though, he always nods his head and doesn’t say anything. And when he talks, he looks into your eyes, you look into his, and you are hypnotized. The blue almost swirls through your mind.
So far, there have only been a few incidents, and you find yourself slowly getting better, well not better, but happier. Less depressed, but one day after you fall asleep on your own for the 101 time, you wake up to find Colin gone. His bed is gone, and he isn’t anywhere. You search everywhere, that’s how you know. There isn’t much everywhere to search, and some food is delivered, you don’t no what you are going to do now. You think about your options, and there doesn’t seem as though there are many. You know Sammy won’t tell you and there is no one else to ask since… since Colin is gone, and how do I know he’s not just my imagination? He was definitely real, he has to have been. I was getting better. I was, I need to scream, but if I do then they will give me the pills and I will have to go through the nightmares again, when all I want are dreams.
You decide that it’s no use, you need to scream, and you thought you were safe with Colin, but he was just a stopper, and now the dam is ready to burst. You scream. And they rush in again, for the first time after 101 times of going to sleep by yourself, the coats come in, you hear Sammy whisper to a tall coat with black hair, and they put you to sleep. Put you to sleep as if you are a wild animal, writhing and snarling, the pills down your throat again after you bite a coat. Your flame hair made your efforts look demonic your purple eyes clouds of a fierce storm.
The black again, your falling, Alice down the rabbit hole. You pass an open door, a way out! You grab for it, but you are falling too fast and it is no use. The light from the door lights up the fall around you, you see gnomes’ laughing at you and the gnome with the shovel is back, and he hits you. You erupt into flames and find yourself in a fire watching people talking while sipping coffee, one of them is Colin. Then you scream again, why is Colin there? Why is he there instead of with you? The flames finally eat you and you wake up.
You realize for the first time, that the endless white walls are comforting, they are only thing that have always been there, unlike Colin. Then you start to cry, you think that the tears should make a mark on the floor, but you can’t see any difference in the shiny linoleum. Just as you lie down to try to sleep again, the invisible door opens again. You brighten up thinking it might be Colin, but there are a line of coats following another coat, he looks important, and seeing him closer, he looks like Colin, though his hair is blond and his eyes are black with green swirls. When you see Colin walk in with Sammy, both looking apologetic, you can’t help but feel fear. They all look so serious, the head coat walks up to you and looks at you with disgust.
“Yes?” you shy back, trying to not be so close to him.
“Do you want to talk to Colin?”
“No, I want to talk to Sammy.” You glare at Colin. Sammy comes over and you start to question her.
“Sammy, where did Colin go?”
“Somewhere else, we decided he had already helped enough” Sammy sighs, as if she knows your next question.
“But taking him away wasn’t very nice.” You don’t give Sammy a chance to talk.
“It also wasn’t nice to have him pretend to be my friend, yes, I know he was playing. The traitor, he is wearing regular clothes, he isn’t wearing white. I’m not stupid you know.”
“I’m sorry Marie, but you know that this day would come at some point.”
“What day?” Even as you ask the question, you know the answer. Not the day you wanted, but it’s still a way. Sammy hugs you for the first time, and whispers a question.
“Am I your friend?” You nod, and she smiles sadly while walking away.
Then Colin comes over, he hugs you and tells you that he is sorry. You nod and he also walks away sadly.
“Are you ready?” asks the head coat. You nod and the other coats take you by the arms. You look back and whisper an apology to your enemies residing in that room.
Again, you are falling. But this time it’s not a panicked fall, you are calmly falling through the air. Then your toes set down, and you see the light. The light, you smile and walk through the door. Goodbye.
Lagfrand firm failed their latest experiment, on the experiment’s 21st birthday- July 2, 2311. Named Marie Lagfrand, its ceremony will be performed closed casket, on a later released date, open casket. The experiment was the 12 one, all failed. An experiment for advanced knowledge, is still being tested, Marie is not the last one. Information released July 4, 2311. More about the lagfrand firm on R5.