Here is the song Angels by Robbie Williams. Please click on this link to listen. I hope you enjoy.
About two years ago I was in a car accident and a tragic event happened in my life. I was supposed to drive my little brother Matt to karate class. Something bad happened.
I am now eighteen years old and almost finished with high school. I could not wait till school was over and to move out of my parent's house. I felt like a prisoner most of the time.
I was withdrawn usually and drunk. My parents did not know that I drank alcohol. I was really good at hiding my addiction.
I had to get ready for school and I slowly got out of bed to get dressed. I would always wear preppy clothes my parents bought for me. They would buy me gap t shirts along with dress pants.
However I was able to trick my parents and get different clothes when I left the house. My best friend Alana would give me clothes and I would change into them at her house.
Alana's mom was never home and that left her alone most of the time except when I would come over. Alana was so glad that I was her best friend. Alana also knew that I had a drinking problem.
I always drank alcohol but now I drank more excessively. I did not want to think about what happened two years ago. Alana knew about what really happened and knew I blamed myself for the accident.
"Samantha I think you have had enough. You really need to stop drinking so much I'm worried about you. Maybe I should tell your parents."
"No don't you dare. I will never forgive you if you tell them this. You know it's the two year anniversary of the car accident. I just want to forget. Please just leave me alone."
"Maybe you should talk about it. Just let it out you might feel better. I just don't like to see you in so much pain. I love you like you are my sister."
"Okay I will tell you it one more time. No more after that."
"About two years ago I was supposed to take my little brother to karate class. My parents were both at work and I think they forgot about his appointment. So that left only me to take him. I was really drunk and did not feel like going. You know how Matt is he will pester you till you take him. So when he whined enough I decided to take him. I just wished at the time I was not so drunk. It was raining and about seven o clock at night. We had to cross the bridge which was old and rickety. I started feeling nauseous and drowsy so I slowed down the car or so I thought. I accidentally pushed on the gas more making the car go faster. I freaked out and turned the wheel sharply which caused me to hit the rail on the bridge. I was yelling and Matt was crying. He was telling me to slow down and stop the car. God he was only five years old and he acted more grown up than me. Then we were almost at the end of the bridge but not quite. There was an opening and the car started sliding. I guess we were hydroplaning. Of course since I was drunk I freaked out even more and ended up having the car fall off the bridge. We hit the water and that kind of sobered me up a little bit. I was able to get my seatbelt off and turned around to get my brother. When I saw my brother still in his booster seat I went to get him out. However when I saw him his head was bleeding and he was unconscious. I was really having a hard time getting him out since water was quickly flowing in the car. It probably didn't help that I was hung-over either. So I finally was able to get him out and myself. I even was surprisingly able to swim him and me to the shore. I carried him over to a neighbor's house that lived nearby. As soon the neighbor saw us they immediately opened the door and asked what happened. I should have told them the truth but of course I didn't I came up with a story instead. I told them that someone ran us off the road and we ended up falling off the bridge. Of course this was not the truth and no one really knows the truth except Alana. Anyway the neighbor called for an ambulance and he was rushed off to the hospital. Unfortunately the doctors told me and my neighbor that Matt was in critical condition. I called my parents and they rushed to the hospital. Matt was there about a week and his condition worsened. The next thing I know is I hear a beeping noise going off and the doctors rushing in. The doctors tried to save him but could not. He died that day and I knew that I was never going to be the same."
I was sobbing by the time I finished my story. I was holding all of the truth in especially to my parents. They would never forgive me if they found out I was the one responsible for Matt's death.
Alana came over and gave me a hug. She was also crying and I felt so bad for her. She wished that Matt would have survived too.
My best friend decided that I was too drunk and emotional to go to school. So she just called in for me and herself pretendeding to be her mother. She did this often and no one had a clue.
I got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I looked into the mirror and was disgusted with myself. Sometimes I would think of ending my life just to not feel the pain but my best friend would talk me out of it.
I wished that I died instead of Matt he was so little and had so much life. I wished that my parents were not working that day and Matt would still be alive. God I am so stupid and selfish. I thought.
Alana knocked on the bathroom door to make sure I was okay. She was really concerned about me with my drinking and becoming more depressed. I knew eventually my best friend would tell someone about my drinking before it was too late.
We listened to music and one particular song came on that was really beautiful. I really liked this song and was starting to sing along with the music.
When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead
I so loved this song which I found out was sung by Robbie Williams. I told Alana that we needed to put this song in our cell phones.
Alana noticed when I sang the song that I looked more at peace and not grief ridden. I know she would make sure that I listen to this song more often.
I was actually smiling instead of crying. I enjoyed singing the song but I wished my brother was still alive. The song started ending and surprisingly I did not want to have alcohol.
Alana's cell phone rang interrupting our tranquility moment. She looked at the number and grimaced great it was her mother. Now what kind of trouble is her mother in? She thought. She answered the phone and heard her mother crying hysterically.
I overheard and sometimes felt like slapping Alana's mom. Didn't she realize the pain and stress she put thorough her daughter. Stop I have no right to judge look at what I did. I thought.
I decided to leave the room to give my best friend some privacy. Once I left the room I was thinking about Matt and I immediately wanted liquor. I knew where all the liquor was located too so I just helped myself.
I poured tons of liquor like rum, vodka, and many others. I was binge drinking. I drank so much and started feeling really bad like I was going to faint. Oh no what did I do? I thought.
Alana was still talking I mean arguing on the phone with her mother while I was trying to drink away my sorrows. She was just about to hang up the phone when she heard a loud crash in the kitchen.
She told her mother to wait a minute she needed to check something out. Alana walked in the kitchen and saw me lying on the floor with my head bleeding. What the hell happened? She thought.
Alana checked to see if I was still breathing or had a pulse. I did but my breathing was labored. Alana ran into her bedroom and told her mother to call for an ambulance that I was unconscious on the kitchen floor.
Meanwhile at the hospital and the doctor is concerned for me and realizes I have alcohol poisoning. What a shame she is so young. The doctor thought. He wondered where my parents were and why they were not here.
The doctor explains to Alana that I had alcohol poisoning but I am doing fine since they put in the IV and oxygen mask on me. They will have to keep a close watch on me so I do not go into a coma. "Your friend was very lucky that she did not go into a coma considering all the alcohol she consumed." The doctor said.
Alana collapsed on the floor sobbing with relief that I was okay and hoped I did not go into a coma. All of a sudden she saw my parents and told them the news. Once she told my mother it was too much for her to bear and she fainted.
My parents went into my room first to look at me. My mother was up but barely controlling her emotions. My father was at the side of the bed grasping my hand and hoping to god I would make it. He did not want to lose two of his children he already lost one. He didn't think he would be able to handle it if he lost another child.
"Samantha we love you and we are going to get you help for your drinking problem."
"Mom Dad Where am I? What's going on?" I groggily whispered taking off my oxygen mask.
"You are in the hospital from binge drinking and the doctors have to keep a close watch on you. What were you thinking? You know we would be devastated if something happened to you especially since we lost one child already."
"I don't know I just wanted the pain to go away from killing my little brother."
"What are you talking about? You didn't kill your brother it was an accident. Right?"
"Umm… I have something to tell you. It was my fault Matt died."
"What are saying? What did you do?"
"You know how you guys were at work he had a karate practice to go to. I had to take him since you weren't there. Well I did but I was a little drunk from drinking early in the morning. I thought I would be able to drive and I guess I was wrong. I started feeling dizzy and decided to slow down but accidentally pressed the gas pedal. The car lost control and we fell off the bridge. I was able to get us out of the car. The doctor said Matt died of internal bleeding from the force of the impact. I am so sorry. Please don't hate me."
"How could you not tell us this? How could you kill my baby boy? You are a monster and I never want to see you again." My mother said.
My mother ran out of my room and told my dad to come. He wouldn't which I knew would cause problems for my parents marriage. He stayed with me and told me that it was okay that everyone makes mistakes in their lives.
From that moment on I vowed never to touch alcohol again. I was so sad that I just broke up my parent's marriage. I tried calling my mom's cell but she wouldn't answer. I think I just broke my mother's heart.
Alana walked in my room and gave me a hug. She felt so guilty for leaving me alone and having me end up like this. She was crying and I felt bad for putting her through this she was my best friend and was always there for me.
My cell phone rang with my favorite song on which played Angels. I left it ringing to hear all the beautiful words being played. This was the song for me I felt so at peace.
"Aren't you going to answer that? It could be someone important." Alana said.
I picked up the phone and it was my mother she was crying and said she overreacted. She told me she loved me but was not really happy with me for not telling her the truth.
I closed my eyes for a second happy that my mother still loved me. I think I saw my little brother Matt. He was telling me that it was my time to go. I knew right then what that meant.
"Alana you know I love you. Tell my parents that I love them. It's time for me to go."
"No please no please don't die. Please Samantha I love you please don't leave me." She cried.
I grabbed her hand and slowly closed my eyes. This was it I knew it was time for me to leave and go meet my brother.
The machines started beeping and Alana called for the doctors. They came in but I knew it was too late. They tried everything to revive me but nothing worked. I died that day. I died from liver disease no one knew I had it.
There was a funeral with wonderful flowers and my favorite song was playing in the background. I knew this was from my best friend Alana. I wished I could still be alive but I watched from up above. Everyone was there and it was a beautiful ceremony.
I was not the only one looking at my ceremony my little brother Matt was with me. We both wished we could see our parents and loved ones one last time. Maybe we will see them in the future. I hoped my parents and Alana would be okay. If not I would be their guardian angel.