Anti-Psychotics

          Anti-psychotics are everything but fun. I guess psychosis is not as fun either. Sometimes it is hard to imagine what it is like hearing or seeing things. I think everyone experiences it at least once in their life time. Me, I have expierenced it a bit more than I should, I also have a new hate for anti-depressants. Have you ever felt like you are beyond helping? I have, and they have tried to help me. I went to a hospital for mental health recently, that was a real interesting experience. I think that place made me go more insane more so than helping me. Of course, they did help me in one way, that was taking me off my anti-depressant that I was becoming addicted to.
          The anti-depressants I was on was called Lexapro, and let me tell you, they are not good for teenagers. Of course, what teen is not depressed, right? Well, from both of the doctors I seen in the hospital, they said that I seem like a bi-polar victim. That is why the psychosis appeared while on that pill. Of course, no one knows but the ones who read this, but I still have slight hullucinations that I am trying to conquer. If I told the nurses at the hospital that, I would not be writing this right now. After six days of trying to escape the jail cell I was put in, I finally got out. I also came to a fast conclusion after geting out. Anti-depressants, not good for people who are bi-polar.
          Psychosis is something that does not run in my family I think. No one has said anything about it. I feel like my family does not know what I am going through therefore they try to push me away. My little sister, I feel, is the one who is more loved since she does not have as many problems as I do. Therefore, I came to another conclusion... Those who do not have psychotic issues out of two children, is the one who is more loved. My father kicked me out when I got home from the hopsital, nice welcoming right?
          My first conclusion I found out is true. Bi-polar victims are subject to get psychosis from anti-depressants. I guess that is one red flad with anti-depressants. Bi-polar, I am not too sure on what that is, but they diagonosed me with it. This is hard to just write about since I really do not want to open up about it, but I am going to do more digging with the bi-polar thing... I want to know why they diagnosed me with it.
          My second conclusion I am still debating. My mother took me in but for just a little while. But, she treats my little sister like she is a queen while I am just there, a burden. My father, I do not even want to talk about that... But, I swear to you that the ones who are not psychotic yet their sibling is, the non-psychotic sibling will be loved more. Unless you have awesome parents, if they love you the same even though you are a bit on the psychotic side, I envy you.
          Alright, something else I learned at the hospital I had to go to was that you have to contain your feelings then talk about them. Hmm, how do I put this... I have been containing for my whole life! I did not need to go there just to learn that little thing I have been doing for my whole life. I think many can understand that. It is like taking a class in school that you already took and passed with flying colors. God, do not get me started on that either... But, out of all of this, I have more troubles concerntrating that before. I guess it is what I get for being a bit depressed right? 
          Out of all of this, I guess I can leave you with a bit of advice. Mental hospitals are not fun, but if you need to go to one, just go. It can help you in many ways without you knowing it. (That or they can diagnose you with many different things...)

~MurderousSweetTart