I get goose bumps by the sound of his name. When he stands there I can feel him admiring me…his eyes raking over my bare shoulders and through my lacy dress. His eyes suddenly lock in to mine and I'm mesmerized. He catches my glance and he knows what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, everything I want from him. He walks closer towards me, bold and confident ready to make a move on me, ready to take me under his control. Secretly I couldn't wait for him to come and get me any longer. The desperate feeling I get when his on top of me, leaving me defenseless, with a hind excitement; from when he takes a hard grip on my body and his hands, resisting from moving away from mine. Our intentions clashed, we were two opposing attractions and the struggle between us was the element that triggered us to get closer, more in unison.
I wanted him so much and I knew that it was lust and I couldn't help myself but be filled in that swooping emotion. Suddenly looking up he was not ten but only two feet away from me. His facials displayed hard concentration over my face, probably trying to figure out my silence, eyes trying to read me more clearly. I put my head down, not letting him read through my eyes, which were the doors to my soul. I didn't want to let him in.
He scared me more than anyone I knew, just because he had this aura around him that dragged me towards him like a magnet to a metal substance. No matter how far I ran, no matter how much I refused his glance, with out words, touch or any other telepathic connection, we instantly drew to each other hopelessly. Thinking about it made me want to cry, made me want to surrender myself to him but that small voice, my conscious wouldn't let that be.
Firstly I couldn't submit to him by the vow I made to my parents, secondly the pureness I had been living up with couldn't be shattered so easily, it shouldn't be shattered at all!
To him it was all a game, some screwed up mind/body control dominance he wanted to prove over me. A challenge that I had put up so innocently which made him thirstier to compete. He loved to play with me, coy around with my feelings, always cunning with his sharp remarks, leaving me unanswered and questioning and looking for more.
I hated him, I wanted to hurt him so badly, bruise him but I knew that I’ll end up hating myself for enjoying him pinning me down and taking over my body just because he was more masculine; like routine.
Suddenly his figure shadows me and his index finger rests on the bottom of my chin slowly tilting my face upwards so he can see me better. His eyes glare down into mine, waiting for my resistance but I don't live up to his expectations and leave him displeasured. I instead mimic his motion and glare intently into those smoky dark eyes of his. A smirk slowly develops on the side of his face as it comes closer to mine, his breath teasing my skin while his right hand caresses my face. His left hand slithers its way down the side of my body, leaving chills running though my spine, making my breath slow down. My eyes soon fail to stay open and deep down I know that I'm trapped, hooked on him desperately.
He slowly backs away an inch from my face to see how much of an effect he has over my body, enjoying my reaction quietly. My chest pounds abruptly up and down and my lips inhale and exhale air momentarily, trying to calm my body down. "So easily", he whispers in my ear, while his nose and lips softly linger its way up, nursling my face and a kiss gets planted on my forehead. I take a deep breath in and steadily look away onto the ground. I can see his long legs heading between my legs and his left leg attempting to loosen the lace of my GC sneakers. I could feel my heart hesitate by his action, knowing that he didn’t have a pity of goodness in his mind. At the back of my head I knew that I was heading on to doing something I’d regret later. I knew that we might go too far from taking my sneakers off. Instantly I forced myself to zoom out of his spell and reconcile with myself and where I was standing.
I was leaning against the green paneled window, Far East of the condo I was renting over the summer vacation at Cape Town. He had come out of no where like the old times. He was the first guy I had the hot’s for when I was young and he was the one who abandoned me and never looked back until now? It confused me, he always left a mark on me, in my memory and I hated that, I hated him.
All I knew was that I had to get him away from me and push him out of my system before I lost full control of my conscious, the only vitreous part of me at that moment. Feeling like a hostile, lost puppy on a strangers arm. I was scared and felt like yelling out for someone’s help even though there were no condo’s, houses, shops around for approximately another kilometer in radius from my spot, crushing my hopes by an eon. ‘How did he find me?’ was the only thought cycling around my head because no one knew that I went to Cape Town, not even my parents or friends.
How could he be acknowledged of the condo I had been renting there? If it was someone else, some other ex love that turned up on my doorstep I would have been ensured of their motives and have a hindsight off their actions. But this was He! The guy who just disappeared and blocked me out of his life in a snap of his fingers and now about four years later had found out my secret hideout when no one even suspected my disappearance.
I was anxious for answers and when I looked up to question his presence. His lips brushed across mine and subtly our tongues locked in to a passionate kiss. His warmth over drew me and I couldn’t get myself to think straight. ‘What was I doing?’ ‘ Do I want to move away from his warm embrace?’ Shocked with my bodies response I couldn’t help but open up my eyes and be greeted with his full form tightly fixed to my small figure.
It shocked me that his hands were actually in control and were resting correctly on my waist without fidgeting and making me feel more uncomfortable then I already was. Frankly I had just met this guy after four years and was still in my phase of shock that refused to leave my mind. “But his lips are so tender and smooth and doesn’t it just ooze with lust!” something in my mind said. A side of me I had always refrained from leashing out and it scared me that it could come out and speak on its own free will again.
Soon I realized that our tongues were still wrestling with each other and in frustration, I bit his tongue sharply with my teeth. Buying seconds of commotion between us, which was enough time for me to get out of his firm grip.
He was staring back at me with that imprinted puppy dogface that he could pull off so easily and seeing him do that made me get even angrier then before. Just because he was back in my life didn’t mean that all he had left off and put in pause would be picked back up again. The hell it wasn’t! How could he possibly even have that thought of me welcoming him back with open arms? This time I was going to diminish that thought out of his mind forever and hurt him as badly as he hurt me.
“What happened baby? What’s up with this brick wall around you?” he asked so innocently; that bitch ruining my concentration!
“Awe yeah like you don’t know ae, just get out of my sight right now! How in hell did you even find me? Leave me alone! Go!” I slashed out. Feeling my knees pleading to crumble down on to the floor at that moment but I restrained and forced myself not to be charmed into his spell. Suddenly his hands harshly gripped my shoulders, his fingers digging deeply into my soft skin making me yelp in fear.
“I have travelled far and wide looking for you, you understand! Now that I have you, you are mine to do, what I wish with”, he finished off with another smirk on his face.
Anger boiled in me now and my hands sharply moved on to his chest and pushed his body further away from mine. By the time I rid his body, his hands flew out and clenched on my fingers, soon it formed into a fist.
‘Why you do that for?’ he growled at me making me feel like a small ant about to be crushed by an elephant. I was afraid as my mind grew more conscious with his will power and manliness over my femininity and fragileness. Someone was going to get hurt and it was evident that it’ll be me.
Sure I could probably do a lot of things better then him but right at that moment, he could pin me to the ground and all I’d be able to do would be nothing. Just struggle to win and waste my energy trying to lift up a man about double my size in muscle mass.
Anxious, tired and frowning, my eyes lit wide open when he started piercing his teeth through my neck slowly leading towards my shoulders. I could see my fingers hiding in his and feel my whole body pressed down to the wall by his. I was blocked again and the more I moved, the more access his body got over mine. Emotions bottled up in me started throbbing out like a magnificently opened up champagne bottle.
I couldn’t resist no more and I quietly promised myself that I wouldn’t get carried away.