I close my eyes and I
smile. Yeah, that's the way it went. You touch my hand as
we walk and that's what I do. I close my brown, boring eyes that
you seem to adore and smile. Our feet slap against the cement
sidewalk and you stop. I open my eyes and stare as you stand
there. You play with my fingers and bring them to your mouth. I
feel a smile spread over my lips. As you kiss my fingers I grab
at your waist and bring you closer. I need to breathe you in. I
lean forward, closer to you. Your scent is mesmerizing.
Knowing that everything is
alright. That seems appropriate. With you everything falls
in to place and I know that everything is alright. It's the way
you play with your hair or lick your lips when you're nervous.
Maybe it's the way that every time I screw up you forgive me. No
matter how bad it was. Remember last fall when Katie Holmes
kissed me? I tried to get her off without hurting her but it
never worked. I didn't want to shove her off of me because I
don't hurt girls but somehow I hurt you. I in no way meant to
break your heart but you forgave me after I knelt on the ground
To the core, so close the door. Is this happening? You lead me down the staircase to the basement. I don't remember entering your house. I was too busy staring at your face and your hair. There's something about you that I can't get enough of. We've been together for how long now? Almost a year and a half. You close the door once I enter the basement. The air is cool down here and I pull my coat closer to me. You walk over to me and pull my jacket off and whisper, "You won't be needing this." Something in my head clicks and I understand.
My breath is on your hair. It's true. As I kiss your jaw my breath is wild and it's everywhere. I hope that it doesn't turn you off but seriously, you make me crazy. I don't know how but you do. Never mind how beautiful you are but inside is what made me fall for you. The looks, as cliché as this sounds, are a bonus.
I'm unaware. I thought that everything was going fine but I was wrong. Something was wrong and I couldn't tell. You pull away and I can see tears clouding your eyes. I try and ask what's wrong but before I can you run away. I know your house almost as well as you and I run. Faster than I have ever ran before. I hear you yell at me, "Stay away from me!" And I stop. I don't want to but I do. I walk out the door completely forgetting my jacket. Maybe in my subconscious I forgot it on purpose so maybe I could come back and talk to you. Ask you what I did wrong.
That you opened the blinds and let the city in. A very long time ago we were sleeping in my room. I had woken up to the blinds that you opened. I was so annoyed that you woke me up but I was still happy. I woke up to see the sun peaking through the window and your beautiful face. Your red hair was everywhere and your green eyes were half asleep. I smiled and pulled you closer. We kissed.
God, you held my hand. We stand so closely beside each other that I can smell your shampoo. It's the shampoo I picked out with you when we went grocery shopping. I grab your hand and pull you closer, if that is even possible. I wrap my arm around your waist and kiss your temple. You slip your hand into my back left pocket and squeeze. I jump a little and hear you laugh. Did I ever tell you how much I adore your laugh? If I haven't then I'm telling you now. I adore your laugh. You bury your head into my chest and look up. You're smiling. You always look the best when you're smiling but then again, you always look amazing.
And we stand, just taking in everything. This time we were standing at Molten's Creek. It wasn't much of a creek; just an edge of land overlooking trees and a swamp but it is our favourite spot. The sun was beginning to set and we stand there looking. Glancing. At everything around us; making sure we saw everything before it was too late. For what? At this time I had no idea. You lower yourself to the ground and smile up at me. I sit beside you and pull you closer to me. I feel that I always need to touch you. You give me what I don't have. I hope you know that I care.
And I knew it from the start. I knew from the very first time that I met you that we would be together for a long time. You were in line at the 7-11 and I was at the till. You were with your friends and I had mine beside me working. I think that he saw the way I was staring at you because he took an extra long time with his current costumer making sure that you would come to me. That day I was so flustered and I was making a huge fool out of myself. But you didn't seem to notice. I think your friends did because the way they nudged you and nodded towards me said something. I wasn't quite sure what it was.
So my arms were open wide. You start your first day at work today. You were so excited. You woke up at six o'clock this morning just to get ready when you start at nine. I don't know how you do it but here I am sitting on the bench waiting for you to walk out the doors. You told me that you end at six. It is six-fifteen. Here I am but here you are not. Thoughts are rushing through my brain and most of them aren't good. Have you been taken? Attacked? Raped? Most of them are nonsense and would only happen in a movie but I still can't stand not to think of every possibility that could happen. But then I see you walk out the doors with a briefcase in your hand and a smile on your face. I spread my arms out as I stand and you run to me. You kick your heels off and drop the briefcase and she share a short kiss. The kiss was not enough.
Your head is on my stomach and we're trying so hard not to fall asleep. The moon is in the sky and the stars are shining brightly. We had a lit candle blowing beside us. It's almost met its end. You sit up and blow it up. The way you move your lips was amazing. I pull you down to my face and kiss your luxurious lips. I could kiss you all day. Your palm is on my chest and it finds its way to the waist of my jeans. I roll over and my body is hovering over yours. You giggle and lift my shirt over my head. Tonight were at the spot again. Molten's Creek. No one is here but is and I want you. You toss my shirt over and it lands on the burnt out candle. I reach for the hem of your shirt and tug it up. You raise your arms and I take the shirt off. Your bra is black it contrasts against your skin. You bring your arms to your black and unclasp your bra. I've never been able to master that step. When you bring your arms back to the front you bra is off. You're beautiful. Every part of you. After, you lie on my stomach and kiss it. I can see that you're trying not to fall asleep but the sleep is sounding so nice.
Here we are, on this 18th floor balcony. I look at the view. You were right; the view is amazing. I've forgotten that I'm terrified of heights. I drag you closer to me and kiss your forehead. You wrap your arms around my waist. I kiss your flawless lips. There's something wrong with you. I can tell. I ask what floor we're on. You reply, "Eighteenth floor."
We're both flying away. I had a weird dream last night. You were going to jump off the building and I was trying to stop you. You did so anyways. You were always so stubborn. I jump after you and for a moment before we land it feels like we're flying. That is until be splat on the ground. Now were dead.
So we talked about moms and dads about family pasts. I remember when I went to meet your parents. You told me I had nothing to worry about it and that the gun your father had was just hunting. Just hunting my ass. You knocked on the door. A few times. When your mother opened the door she pulled you into the biggest hug. I felt myself grow a pang of jealousy. My parents were like that. Ever. After your mom let you go she hugged me. I was bracing myself for a handshake or a nod but a hug? No way did I expect it. I was stunned. We all entered your house. Your father, as your mom said, was out picking up milk and would be back any second. When the door opened, my hands went all clammy. You held my hand and smiled. I smiled back, that is until your dad entered the room. I can say that was the scariest moment of my life. His hunting gun, as you would call it, was hanging on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and counted to ten and when they re-opened he was smiling. You were smiling. The whole freaking room was smiling. I smiled. At least he didn't shoot me.
Just getting to know where we came from. Last time I saw my parents was when I was seventeen. I was forced too. Since I was a legal adult they felt as though they should force me to see them. Of course, you wanted to come. I tried to tell you that it wasn't a good idea but you refused to listen. I didn't want you to know the home I came from. My dad was awful and so was my mom. Not sure if you could even classify them as parents. As we walked up the steps to the door you whispered in my ear, "It'll be alright." I believed you.
Our hearts were on display for all to see. The fourth time I saw parents. We are sitting on the bench outside the Ice Cream Parlor. You're licking your ice cream, I'm licking mine. Your point out your parents waving at us. We wave to them. As they walk over to us we stand up. Your mom says, "I'm glad you found him." And then, she smiled.
I can't believe this is happening to me. We sit on the grass and talk about our day. Yours is usually about Kim, and how she's cheating on her boyfriend. I listen and nod and the appropriate time. When it's my turn I tell you that everything was alright but being with you makes everything a hundred percent better. I am not lying. You lean to me and kiss my cheek. When you start to pull away I pull you closer. I need to kiss you again. I wish I could kiss you again.
And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours. Baby, you always knew that from the first time I saw you that I was yours. Back at the 7-ll. You should remember it. I know that I do. You were wearing a yellow summer dress and you looked absolutely stunning. You had cowboy boots and huge sunglasses. I guess I knew that they were always in. Do you remember it? When I handed you the change out touch lingered. Did you want as much as I did?
That I was so yours for the taking, I'm so yours for the taking. When I asked you out to the carnival I half expected you to say no but you agreed. The whole time after that I was excited. At the carnival we played games and went on rides. Most of the time I lost but I won one game and let you choose the prize. You pointed to me and said, "I want him." I believed you.
That's when I felt the wind pick up. We are standing in line at the ice cream truck. You can't decide what you want. I smile as you decide and when you do, we walk up and I pay. You open your Lemon Chiller and offer me some. I have a tiny bit and kiss your temple. You eat your Lemon Chiller, smiling the entire time.
I grabbed the rail while choking up, these words to say and then you kissed me. I want to end what we have but I can't. I'm scared of the result. I know that I need you and that's what scares me. I miss you so much. Something tells me to let go. Something tells me I need to move. Away. I know that I can't and that's what scares me. This is what you do to me. I need it. I am about to tell you. Then, your lips touch mine and I forget.
I knew it from the start. I knew from the very first time that I met you that we would be together for a long time. I am wrong. I am dead wrong. You lied to me. You said that you weren't doing that anymore. You told me that things were different and that you weren't like that anymore. I believed you.
So my arms are open wide, your head is on my stomach. You grab the pillow off the bed and throw it at me. I catch it. You make a fake sad face and drop to the floor. I walk to you and reach for your hand. You pull away and look at me. You're smiling. A beautiful smiled. I pull you in for a kiss. Your lips are soft against mine. I can kiss you all the time. If only I could kiss you again.
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep. The fireworks are going to start in ten minutes. It is two in the morning and we're on the verge of sleeping. We're trying to stay up because the fireworks are the best part of today. You rest your head in my shoulder and fall asleep. I smile and carry you to the bed. I tuck you in and wait.
Here we are on this 18th floor balcony. We're in the office again. The balcony to be more specific, but other people are here. To be clearer, it's that party for your boss. I didn't want to come but you hoaxed be into it. I don't mind. Seeing you in that black dress is good enough for me. You look so beautiful tonight. You held my hand.
We're both flying away. Today we're going sky diving. I'm so excited. Just as we're about jump you get scared. I smile because you were so excited. I tell you everything is going to be alright. You agree and hold my hand. We jump. And now, we're flying. Just as you always wanted. To fly. To be free. To be anything you wanted. Well, you got it. Just not the way we both wanted.
And I'll try to sleep to keep you in my dreams. Before you were left to visit your parents you told me, "Don't forget me." The first few days I tried to think of what that meant. "Don't forget me." What the hell does that mean? You could have been clearer, so maybe this wouldn't have happened. You shouldn't have done this and now, look where I am.
Until I can bring you home with me. God, I wish I could. When your parents ring me this night I wish I could've taken you with me. I wish you were in the passenger seat next to me but no. That's not what you want. You want me to suffer. You hate me. You lied. You're still there in that city. Physically but not mentally. I now can comprehend the "Don't forget me."
I'll try to sleep and when I do, I'll keep you in my….dreams. I try and try to sleep. But the temporary coma won't suck me in. I turn over the millionth time that night and stare at the moon and I think. Why would you do this to me? I thought that-I thought that you….
I knew it from the start. I knew that one day you would break my heart. I didn't expect it to be so soon. You broke me. You broke me without any intentions of putting me back together. Congratulations.
So my arms are open wide. Not anymore. They're closed and around my knees. I hope you're happy. Look at what you've done.
Your head is on my stomach. I wish it was. I wish you were kissing it again. I'd give anything to have your hair fanned across me.
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep. I yearn for us to fall asleep together. To have one more chance with you. You blew it. It's not my fault.
So here we are on this 18th floor balcony. I'm not at your office. I'm at some random place. The people at your office wouldn't let me in. I cursed them. I cursed them good. I scared "Sheila". Well, she deserved it. I found a random building that let me in. I went to the eighteenth floor. Here I am. Remember you. I believed you. Remember that.
I knew it from the start. You hurt me. You hurt me badly. I'm stuck. There's no one here. I need someone to help me. I need someone to put me back together. No one walks through the door.
My arms are open wide. I reach for the container. I open it. I stare at the contents. It scares me. I'm scared. You did this to me.
Your head is on my stomach. That's all I want. You. With. Me. Can that happen? Nope. Because you're not here with me. I can come to you though. I can come and it will only take seconds.
No, we're not going to sleep. You're already sleeping and I'm on my way. You should be happy. I hope you are because I'm finally giving in.
Here we are on this 18th floor balcony. I'm tired the eighteenth floor. It pisses me of. I hate eights and ones. I hate balconies. I hate everything. It's your fault.
Flying away. I grab the rope and pull down to make sure it's sturdy. It seems sturdy. I smile my last smile. I stand on the chair and then the next. I look at the ground beside me. I write this sentence. I drop the pen. I stare. I pray. I say," Don't forget me." I kick my shoes off. I slip my head into the loop and just as I'm about to step of I whisper, "Are you happy? I love you, Ella Plowt, and now, I'm about to fly with you."