I wake up to white
walls surrounding me. "This is not my bed. This is not my room.
Where the hell am I?"
I looked to my side a
wall, the other side a person snoring in the bed beside me.
There's knocking on the door, I didn't say a word a woman and a
man barge in and without a word and stick a needle up my arm.
Shrieking, I kicked the lady away and curled in the corner. The
tears rained down on my cheeks,
The man hauled me up
by arm, "we're taking your blood."
"W-w-hat? Why? Where
am I?" he looked at me if I was crazy.
"You're at the
Sonoran Behavioral Mental Hospital."
I couldn't believe it; I ended up at the mental hospital. But
just this last morning I woke up in my own bed. I sat bewildered
on the bed as the woman stuck needles up my arm, finally they
left. I curled on the bed and tried sleeping, no use, it seemed
like days passed by.
I stayed away from
everybody scared to my stomach.
Each morning and each night I had medication thrust down my
throat; I always spittin them out into the toilet. There were
other boys and girls, some my age others older and younger. I sat
on the wall when we went outside alone and away from the others.
I ate my meals alone; I wondered why I was here. I didn't need to
be here, I didn't want to be here.
"Diana R. Report to
Amy's office at once." some staff member told me. I trudged along
the empty halls and went through the green painted door marked
"Amy's office". A woman with red hair sat in spinning chair
writing at her desk. She felt my presence and told me to sit.
Quietly I sat down.
"So Diana, how do you
like it here?"
"Ugh..." I gulped,
"Just okay? Come on
now!" I stared blankly at her, "well. Do you know why your here?"
I shook my head no. "Well Diana your here because you tried
running away," okay I remember that "you threatened your mother"
ugh no I didn't, she threatened me! "And you are sexually
active." okay and that's why I ended up here? Oh brother. You
people must be on crack or overdosing on our pills. "Do you have
anything to say?"
"Ugh ya." I
"Well, would you mind
saying what you're thinking?" I wish she would stop using the
"I never threatened
my mother. I didn't hit her; I didn't lay a finger on her. And if
she said so, that's bullshit!"
"Tsk. Tisk we do not
use curse words in this facility." I rolled my eyes bullshit,
you people use curse words all the time.
"Diana you are going
to be staying here for another month."
"What?!" this lady is
"You'll be taking
anti depressants, anxiety pills, and sleeping pills every day.
I think you're a
She smiled, "you can
go now." I stood up and headed for the door, "Diana." Stopping I
turned around, "try to get along with the other kids. They don't
bite." I smirked and walked out, my head was buzzing. Yet! I came
just in time to go outside. I walked out and went to my little
spot on the wall a boy of dark skin came to sit next to
I smiled at him "ugh
Rembrandt, but everyone calls me Remy."
He seems nice,
"Diana. Remy how long have you been here?"
He kept on smiling;
he had glasses and black hair "I've been here for 45
"Whoa! And you
haven't managed to go crazy yet?"
He laughed "I think
I've past the point of going crazy. What you in here
"I just found out I'm
in here because I tried running away, apparently I threatened my
mother, and imp sexually active. You?"
"I tried jumping off
a cliff." he said it so calmly.
"What? And you're
still living? Damn, you are meant to live."
He laughed again "i'm
suicidal. I guess I am, because each time I try I stay
"Well I guess that a
good thing." the whistle blew and the staff member called us in
like a pack of cows.
I got all the rules
down in a matter of a week:
no touching each
other (no hugs)
boys and girls
cannot sit next to each other
there must be an
arm's length apart from each person
no sharing personal
no going into other
rooms, beside your own
must be in the room
by 10 o'clock each night
girls must sit with
girls at meals and guys with guys
no cheeky your
no bringing in
pencils, markers, crayons, etc. into rooms
participate in all group activities
I started talking to
the other patients. I got close to Rembri and my roommate,
Vanessa she was pretty tight. My sleeping pills always made me do
weird things each night as I was asleep. I'd wake Vanessa up and
she'd freak one night I slept with my eyes open, the other I
talked in my sleep, and I sleep walked, at one point she went to
the staff to take me off my sleeping meds (they never took me off
of them). We went outside each day, we started playing
basketball, I loosened up a bit when we played. We'd all laugh
and just blast the radio until the staff yelled at us. Every day
a person left and a new person came. One guy came in, his name
was George in for mary-jane, the first morning he played footsy
with the creeper at breakfast. We all thought he was gay, we were
dead wrong. He'd wink at me every so often and talk to me the
most, he always tried to hit on us girls and left us all in
"George are you
He laughed, "No. i'm
"ohhh. Okay that
"Cause you played
footsy with Cameron and are hitting on the girls all the
"I hate how we can't
touch people here." that was a quick switch of
"Me too. I mostly
The staff yelled at
us to go outside, we all marched out like a line of prisoners
with invisible chains. I rolled my eyes; I hated being treated
like a piece of shit, like a prisoner. We got outside and just
stood around; the MV (staff) stood behind a wall and talked on
his cell. I looked at our sock-clothed feet and hummed, "Pst.
Psst." I kept on humming, "hey you!" I still ignored the person;
I didn't think they were talking to me. I got a tap on my arm,
"Give me a hug."
George was talking to me.
"I Cant." he didn't
care he gave me a quick hug, his stomach was weird it made me
laugh. We all quickly began giving hugs to one another, B the
oversized lesbian came over and hugged me until I couldn't
breathe, and the MV looked over "what are you
"Talking about hugs
and how much we miss them sir." I shouted,
"Okay. No touching!"
I nodded my head and turned around. Another new guy walked
through the door he shuffled over to us. "Hi"
"Hi" he had a deep
voice and a deep accent.
introduced there selves to the new guy. We all got herded inside
again for dinner.
We got another outside time after dinner; there I was confronted
by the new guy. "You shouldn't stand that way and you shouldn't
talk that way. And you shouldn't be talking to guys because
you're too flirtatious."
"And why do you say
that?" my blood was already hot enough after the phone call with
my mother and her bullshit still ringing in my ears and I didn't
need his bullshit.
"Because your pretty
as it is, the way you stand shows your curves more, the way you
talk is like honey, and to me your are a whore."
"Really? well sorry
for making you see me that way, cause for one I'm not, two this
is who I am and if you don't like it go fuck yourself, three were
all in a fuckin loony bin and I wouldn't be pointing my fingers
cause you're in here with me." I talked quickly and
"I don't think you
should be talking that way."
"Really? Well I don't
think you should be an asshole, but you are."
"Look bitch fix your
attitude and stop being you and focus on your fuckin treatment."
My blood began to boil and my hands clenched up into fists George
guided me away before I jumped on the guy.
I walked around our
perimeter of outside with George beside me, just boiling with
rage inside. I vented at George and later on at
The days passed and
people left, I stayed clear away from Josh. It was almost a month
and it was only me and Remora left, Vanessa had gone back to some
foster home and George went to another mental clinic. Everyday I
and Rembri would talk about our families and the shit we've been
A day was left until
I was scheduled to leave this place and back to the hell of my
Hours passed by too
quickly and heard my name being called, "Diana R. your mother is
here to pick you up." quickly I hugged Rembri and promised to see
him again; I grabbed his number and grabbed my things and put on
actual shoes. I stepped out of the loony bin and walked out into
daylight and back into another prison called home.