Have you ever been in a big room that echoes, like a cafeteria, and it’s full of people, all talking. Their whispering or talking to you, or each other. Some are even yelling. And it all just echoes over and over again. That's my head, all the time, 24/7. Some of the voices say "your ugly, your fat, why do you even try, your never gonna get anywhere, your never gonna make something of yourself." Those voices are everywhere, all the time. Sometimes I hear whispers "you’re beautiful, your strong, you can do anything". But I can barely hear them, sometimes there not even there. But the yelling, the yelling is the is the worst. There are two voices, always yelling, "YOUR TRASH, YOU’RE NOT WORTH ANYTHING, JUST SHUT UP AND DO IT! DO IT!!” the other screams just one word over and over "STOP STOP STOP!!!!”
People are always saying I over think things, I'm indecisive, and I try too hard. But if you have voices in your head always saying do this, no this, that's wrong, you’re just messing up. You can’t help but see every angle, every possibility, every way it could go wrong.
When I do, when I think about how I'm doing everything wrong, when I listen to the voices, my hands start to shake, and my arm itches. I cant sit still, I just rock back and forth, whisper to myself, and my arm itches. the voices start to fade the more I talk out loud, I just say what they say "your so ugly, why dont you just give up, shut up shut up, pathetic, everone is right about you, give up and do it DO IT!" and my arm itches. i cant stop the tears at this point, I always try and find a place to hide, so no one can see me, but cause I normaly find a small place, it gets hard to breath, like the walls are closing in, and my arm still itches, so I scratch it, and I scratch and scratch. And all the voices shut up, all I feel is a warm feeling in my arm. But the yelling voice doesn't stop; it keeps screaming "STOP! STOP! STOP!!!!" but I can’t. And eventually, that voice stops too.