"So what's our Crystal up to?" Dave Johnston asked as he fiddled with the cord of his phone. "Yeah… I can't believe how much that kid loves that cheap ass toy." His wife was on the other end of the line. He traced over the wood grain of his desk with his finger, aside from his phone the desk was empty. "You know I'm gonna stop buying all those expensive leap toys and just buy her stupid junk from the corner store," he told her. The walls of his office were decorated with plaques, awards, and various pictures. Pictures of him with famous people, pictures of people he made famous, and one picture he took of an awesome sunset from one of his Hawaii vacations. "Well look my love, I gotta be going. I gotta interview with a hopeful. Male or female? He's male… natural born male." Dave chuckled at a joke his wife made on the other end. "Well actually I recruited this one. Hey I gotta go, I've had him waiting. But give Crystal hugs and kisses for me and I love you both. Bye."
Dave hung up the phone and pulled out a face mirror from one of his desk drawers. He looked up his nose and checked his eyebrows. "I like the way you fuck," he told himself in the mirror with a confident voice and a sincere look on his face. "I like the way you fuck," this time he said it with a little more enthusiasm. "I like the way you fuck!" he declared looking into the mirror with a serious face. He smiled at himself and put his mirror away.
He pushed a button on his phone, "Savanna, send him in." He waited a few seconds before a young man walked in. "Garth!" he greeted and offered him the seat across the desk. "Hello Mr. Johnston," Garth said as he sat down.
"So you know why you are here?" Dave asked Garth.
"Well, yes sir… but where is Bryan?" Garth replied.
"Son, if you are asking me that then you don't know why you are here, Mr. Garth. You see I don't want Bryan. I own my company. I produce my own films. I have my own writers. I have my own tech team. I don't want Bryan. I don't have any use for him. I want you son. Garth, my good boy… I like the way you fuck. I want you to fuck for me. Do you understand me son? Will you fuck for me, son?
Garth was flattered. He smiled and blushed and rubbed his thighs nervously. "Well sir,"
"Stop right there Garth." Dave interrupted. His voice was calm and confident. He leaned forward in his chair and crossed his arms as he rested them on his desk. He looked Garth in the eyes and continued, "Look at the walls in here. See those awards on the wall? Numerous Adult Entertainment of The Year Awards in all different categories, all with my companies name on them. See those pictures on the wall? Those are the best Adult Entertainers in the world, my boy! And they work for me. Now, I did not ask you here to negotiate, I just need you to answer one question," Dave relaxed and rested back into his chair, "Will you fuck for me Garth?
Garth looked down and smiled. He knew the answer. He had no second thought. "Well I,"
"Look son" Dave cut him off again, "Don't you want to be famous? Don't you want to fuck those beautiful women? Don't you want beautiful houses, fast cars, money as high as the ceiling? Son, Garth, don't you want to be a porn star? Join my team, son. You have talent! You will become a legend!" Dave starred intensely into Garth's eyes.
Garth smiled. Yes. Yes sir, I will fuck for you.
"Haha!" Dave yelled as he slapped his hands together. He pushed a couple buttons on his phone and a ladies voice answered, "Yes Mr. Johnston?" "Virginia, you and Pat get in here, Mr. Garth is now a part of the family. We need to get to work." Dave demanded. "Garth, welcome to Always On Top Adult Film Industries. You are in good hands son. First matter at hand, is picking you a screen name. Have you given this any thought."
Garth put his hands behind his head to take a deep breath. "I always thought my name was good enough, Mr. Johnston." He ran his hands over his short hair and rubbed his face.
"Good enough doesn't cut it here at Always On Top." I got my two writers coming in and we are gonna get this nailed to perfection, son. Just…"
At that second a man and a women walked in. They were dressed nicely and took a seat, one on each side of Garth. They both had note pads in hand and smiled and greeted Garth. The lady was pudgy. She had on subtle black heels and a navy blue pant suit. Her face was round and a little greasy with glasses covering her beady eyes and was topped with a crop of tight curls. The man wore shinny black shoes with tassels, grey pants, and a light blue button up shirt. He was a descent looking guy with a bold shinny head and glasses to help his light green eyes see.
Dave spoke, "Garth we are family here. This is Virginia and Patrick. See them as your brother and sister, your closest friends, your loving loved ones."
Patrick began, "Garth we have seen the video your old director gave us, you got talent guy and I'm glad to have you join our family. Now for your name…"
Virginia jumped in, "One good formula for picking a screen name is your first pet's name followed by the name of the street that you grew up on. So let's see that."
"Well, uh, Wylie was my first dog's name, and I grew up on Lee street," answered Garth.
Virginia chuckled, "That makes Wylie Lee, that's good… but it just isn't you."
"Well Garth, I've seen your video and the first thing that popped into my head was, Dr. Love. What do you think?" Patrick asked and looked at everyone's faces eagerly.
The room fell silent. The four traded glances between each other before a burst of laughter came from all but Patrick. "Goddamnit Pat!" chuckled Dave, "Maybe you shouldn't talk anymore."
"Yeah Pat, I don't think you smoked enough pot this morning," suggested Virginia.
"Yeah guy, I don't want KISS to fucking sue me, you dick!" Dave concluded. "But Miss Virginia, I think you got a good idea. Let's smoke a little while we brain storm about this young man's dicking down name.
Dave reached into a drawer of his desk and pulled out a pipe and a bag of weed. He broke of a peace of sparkling marijuana and loaded it into the pipe. He passed it to Garth, "Do the honors son," Dave requested. Garth took a hit and passed it to Patrick. Patrick took a hit and passed it to Dave. Dave took a hit and passed it to Virginia. The rotation went around one more time before Dave put the earthly inspiration back in his desk drawer.
The four sat in silence for a few seconds before Patrick spoke, "Okay, you know, when this guy comes, he comes like a gallon, right? I mean he almost drowned that one girl it that shot we saw… So what if we name him… White Dynamite!"
` There was a short second of silence before they all laughed their asses to tears... but the inspiration was rolling. Suddenly, everyone had ideas for young Garth's screen name.
Virginia: Garth Giver!
Patrick: Dr. Long Lee!
Virginia: Garth Gagger!
Patrick: Dr. Gagger!
Virginia: Wally Lotta Load!
Patrick: Dr. Load!
Dave: Enough with the "Dr." Patrick! Shut the fuck up for a while.
Garth: I've always thought my name was good enough.
Virginia: Long Garth?
Patrick: Dr. Long!
Dave: Patrick, I said shut up! Okay guys, you all got some good ones, but they sound more like character names. I mean "pun" is fine but let us make sound professional with out being over the top… or maybe something a little more down to earth…
Virginia: Mr. Thick!
Dave: Mr. Sticker?
Patrick: Mr. Thick Sticker!
Garth: I kinda like Garth Longley, it sounds pretty cool…
Virginia: Lyndon Girth
Patrick: Oh wait, Cock Beam Longley!
Dave: What the fuck Pat? Are you serious? I meant that's an awesome character name, I hope you write it down, but do you want our boy here to walk up to his mom and dad and say, "Folks I changed my name to Cock!" Patrick, please stop for a while.
Patrick: Yes sir.
With that a silence took over the room. All four appeared to be concentrating, Then Garth spoke, "You know, if we keep it Garth Longley I won't have any problems remembering my name." The other three people in the room slowly turned to Garth." "Dude, that sounded so fucking stoned, I don't know why I'm not laughing," Patrick said followed by a soft chuckle.
Virginia: Okay, what about, Kick Stand Alex?
Dave: Character name…
Patrick: Mike Muzzles
Dave: Character name…
Virginia: "D" Man!
Virginia looked at Dave waiting for his judgement.
"I got it!" Dave proclaimed. "Garth I have your new name. It sounds over the top. And despite what I've been tell Pat and Virginia, it sounds a little fantastic. Garth, you will now be known as,
Long Shaft Girth!"
The room stood silent. The four traded glances. "Long Shaft Girth," said Patrick almost laughing. "Long Shaft Girth!" Virginia followed in aw. "Long Shaft Girth!" Garth echoed, completely satisfied.
Dave stood up and walked around to the other side of the desk. He gestured for Garth to stand. Garth stood up and Dave gave him a fatherly hug. He patted his back then backed up and grabbed him by the shoulders, "Son, I don't know why but I have this feeling, we are going to do great things!"
Long Shaft Girth could not help but smile. He put his hands to his checks, "This is amazing sir, but I never got the chance to ask… how much are you going to pay me."
Dave took his hands off of Long and smiled. "You talking about money son?" Long returned the question with a smile. "Well son," Dave finished, "that's the easy part."