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VENGEANCE IS MINE

Short Story By: whitehart
Other


Frankly, I have no idea what this is. I had a perfect story line in my head but when I put it down it just didn't 'feel' right. And am just not sure anymore if I will upgrade it to a novel or not! View table of contents...

 

Submitted: May 9, 2008    Reads: 62    Comments: 6    Likes: 1   


VENGEANCE IS MINE

John slowly made his way from the lift to his car. He had never felt so drained in his life. It seemed like this one week, everything had been going wrong for him. First it was the fight he had with his boss that had put his work on the line. Now he had to work twice as hard to prove to him he deserved to be kept on the job. Then there was his girlfriend moving out after finding out he had cheated on her. It had just been a one night stand, nothing harmful in that. At least there was nothing harmful until the lady showed up in their house and claimed to be pregnant three days ago. Of course Lianna hadn’t waited around for an explanation

“..Lianna, listen to me….”

“Did you sleep with her, Jay? It’s a simple yes or no!”

He had never seen the look she had on that day. And the painful look she gave him after his response shredded his insides to pieces. She had moved out ten minutes later, not willing to hear any explanation. He deserved that, he thought, but he really did love her. And after two years of dating, he was not willing to let go of her that easy. But today he had received the final blow. It turned out that the lady, Joan, was his boss’s sister in law. Nothing would explain the shocker he had when he had walked into his boss’s office to find her sitting there with Mrs. Matau. Of course the shock registered went unnoticed by both Mr. And Mrs. Matau and Joan had been kind enough to act like she hadn’t met him before. He was still going to have lots of explaining to do, he knew that. Joan was after all pregnant. And he couldn’t help but think of what his boss would say when the truth was finally out and when it is finally proven, of course, that the baby was his.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the three people closing in on him. He was brought back into the present when he felt a cold metal pressed on his back. His mind registered what was going on soon after.

“Your keys!” the man in the black mask demandingly whispered. John cursed inside as he felt his adrenaline rise. Why did he have to leave work so late? Why did it have to happen to him again? With all the pressures going on in his life, this was the last thing he needed. He thought back to the last time he had lost his car the same way only to later find out all the thieves had scared him with was a spoon. He had never felt so humiliated in his life. He shrugged his shoulders in determination and turned to face his attackers. This time, he wasn’t going to budge that easy. Only three of them, he was sure he could take them. And with that thought, he made the last and most stupid move he’d ever made in his life.

The blow to his face was not the ultimate pain; it was the tearing of his skin and the intrusion of a very sharp object to his insides. As he slid to the wet ground and watch his attackers drive away through hazy eyes, he remembered his girlfriend’s birthday was coming up.

“The perfect time for reconciliation!” He thought as darkness enveloped him.

The darkness of the room made him sit up quickly. Was he in hospital? He tried feeling around for any machines but couldn’t feel a thing. He saw light seep in through a slightly open door. Slowly, he made his way to the door, noticing with every step that he didn’t feel any pain. How long had he been unconscious? He slowly pushed the door open and it revealed a big room with lots of people. Immediately a card was thrust to him by a dark man.

“Line 6” he said as he moved on. John looked around at the busy room and saw line six at the further end. As he made his way there he couldn’t help but notice how odd the place was. There were at least a thousand people in the room, yet there seemed to be no noise. There were people in queues, others sat on various computers at one end of the room, while others were looking at big screens on the walls and making notes on paper. As he got to line 6, he was more confused. Standing before him was a friendly looking bald man who was the only one who spared him a smile.

“Where is this?” he asked him

“You’re new?” came his response as his smile widened.

“Uh…I…don’t know!”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” he asked trying to be helpful.

“Thieves, thugs. They stole my car…n…stab..”his voice trailed off.

“And killed you!” he finished helpfully.

“What? Am I in heaven?” his question received a hearty laughter from the bald man

“Heaven? Mate, you are in a better place than heaven!” and with that he turned and talked to the lady at the counter. A minute later and it was his turn. Looking all confused he stared back at the woman at the other end of the counter. And all of a sudden he remembered Lianna.

“Computer 36!” she said to him handing him a big blue file. Then seeing the confused look on his face added with a smile, “you will understand soon.” A young boy was asked to escort him to his station. As they made their way there the boy offered him a piece of advice.

“Remember, the longer they live the harder it is for them.” And with that they had reached his station. The boy then turned and left. Looking around and seeing everyone busy on their computers, he turned to his and moved the mouse. Instantly the screen came on and there was a picture of him standing beside him. Beside his picture was one of a young guy, barely in his twenties. Below the picture were the words.

“VENGEANCE IS MINE!”

Then below was the link to the instructions. Clicking on it revealed a whole page of how John could avenge his sudden death. For vengeance had been handed to him


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Comments:

I'm interested to see where this goes..

Posted: May 9, 2008

Author Comment:

hahaha...I will try to make it go on as interestingly as possible.

runereader
(not registered user)

yeh and me too.This has a unique plot Deb..again you should proof read after writing..this has got real potential.I can see your random thoughts feeding into the plot which makes it live..go over it a few times..sharpen up the words here and there..dont discard this as a passing thought..its worthy of working back on.

Posted: May 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Mmmm...I will. I already have a larger plot for this forming in my head. I suck at reading back at what I write immediately, but I will work on that!Thanks for the comment

IRENE
(not registered user)

I've liked the way you've made this story come out as live. You are very creative.Well done.

Posted: May 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks a lot

Alan Mwendwa
(not registered user)

It's like something out of a Stephen King book. I'm loving this story. Does it go on?

Posted: May 14, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi. Thanks for the comment. Yeah, I am thinking of continuing it,just still working on the details in my head before I put them down on paper. Glad you loved it so far.

Dear Dev, u must continue...this is scary and interesting ....

Posted: May 18, 2008

Author Comment:

I am thinking of continuing it. It's been a busy week and so will this week be, but will get to it sometime. I think I already have most of how it continues in my head..which is good. Will keep you posted.

..............Wow. What an intriguing idea.. I really like it. I think you should totally continue it!! ^-^ Keep me posted?

Posted: May 27, 2008

Author Comment:

Glad you liked it. Will let you know when I post the next chapter.



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Other writing by whitehart SECOND CHANCES(Happy moments) DREAM COME TRUE THE STRANGERS KISS THOSE MOMENTS SOUNDS OF SILENCE More..



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