"Do you like it?" he murmured. I looked into those brown eyes and jumped up. Inching away from him trembling at the words.
I wanted to stop but something took over me and I went and sat on the other side of the rock. Not daring to look back at him and I started to cry and I couldn't stop. He came closer to comfort me. I pushed his hand away.
"I'm okay" I lied.
I got up and started to walk away.
Without looking back I reassured him. "I'll be back."
After that I ran like the coward I was. I sat down at a little pavillion that wasn't too far away from him. I looked down at my wrists at all those unforgotten scars. I lifted my skirt and slowly trace my finger over my longest deepest scar. Tears began to flow again so I put my head down and let those dark memories flood my conciousness.
He whispered "Do you like it." His cold blue eyes were full of a sick hunger. I was shaking but I didn't do anything. I didn't even scream. I could of but I didn't. I heard a birdcall in the distance.
For some reason that shook me back to conciousness. Through the pavillion bars I saw him. His head was bowed I could tell he was trying not to run after me. Trying hard to give me my space. I could also tell he could see me. He looked away to give me privacy and it made me love him even more.
I got up and began to walk torwards him. I took my shoes off so he wouldn't hear me a little game I had always sneaking up on him and giving him a kiss.
I have him a quick kiss on his neck when I noticed a pen and paper in his hands. Fear struck at the center of my heart. I knew what was happening. He looked up at me and I looked down into his eyes full of misunderstanding. Once again I felt overwhelmingly useless. I wanted to run away but I knew this was my punishemnt so I sat down next to him and waited for the inevitable.
I sat there as he wrote page after page. I waited anxiuosly looking over his shoulder trying to see the words but my damn near blindness prevented me from seeing that far.
When he finished he passed it to me unable to look me in the eyes.This is what I remember the most strongly
"I want to help you but I'm just hurting you. You deserve more. I know you say I'm perfect but I'm really not. I hurt you too much and I'm not makeing you happy. We should just stay friends. I know you can find someone better than me. Please don't say you can't. As I read his small cursive writing I couldn't fight back the tears.
He tried to comfort me but he didn't get it. He was another person I loved so much. And yet I lost him to my ability to push every one away and their inability to stay and fight for me. He slowly wiped away my tears. And I saw one roll down his cheek. The feeling of hatred I felt for myself intensified. I hurt yet another person. I was a monster.
I'll always be here for you. We'll be like brother and sister. I cringed at the word sister. I don't if he saw it or meant his next words. No you'll be more than my sister You'll be my best friend and if something happens maybe we can be together in the future.
I wanted to desperately believe him but my experiences have told me never to trust an unheld promise. I just nodded in agreement. We sat there in silence for what seemed like hours but was in reality a couple minutes. I started to remem
Elizabeth he startled me out of my trance. Promise me something.
I turned away from him. I already knew what he was going to make me promise.
"Promise me you won't do anything stupid."
I looked down at the pile of little rocks that seemed like they just didn't belong next to this gigantic one. They must feel so small I thought to my self.
" Define stupid." I muttered
"Elizabeth look me in the eyes and promise me please. He pushed back some of my hair that I used to cover my eyes.
"I promise" I said unable to meet his eyes.
Did he really expect me to take this lightly? He was leaving me! But it was my fault.
I got up looking down at him once more. This time his eyes were filled with concern. His big brown eyes that I had looked into so many time. When I reached up to kiss him Or when he held me in his arms Or when we were fighting Or that day when he told me he wasn't like the others and I believed him.
"I can't lie to you" I replied bitterly I started to walk away. He got up and followed without me another word.
I thought that would be it. I thought we would never see each other again but I was wrong.