im not perfect.. i try to be happy..I could try harder.... I may need help.

I'm not perfect... Yea I get it. I'm emotional... I'm Bipolar.. I have deep depression... No body knew except me and my doctors. But now. I'm telling who ever reads this. I mean.... I hide my feelings. I tell no one. at school I act like the happiest person. And people believe it. I have a good poker face . I get home after school... And scream!!! I hide . My parents are split up. My mom works all the time. So she doesn't know that I go home every damn day after school, and break myself. I honestly wish that I could feel loved by atleast one human being.,JUST ONE. but obviously it's to much to ask for ... I have two sisters. Both older than me. I pay no attention to them. They don't live with my mother and I. I'm pretty much all alone. Yeah I have "friends".... But not ones I trust. Not ones that I can go to for honest advise. they are just there. They say they love me. But it's so easy to say it, then show it. I mean, I could say I'm "Jesus" but am I really?! Hell no! So saying things, doesn't make them true . I have a boyfriend ... Who claims to love Me. But hasn't showed it so I can't believe it. I'm 13 years old. And I already feel beaten, and broken. Don't get me wrong... I love who I am!:) I'm different than most people. I'm loud!!! I try to stick out!! I'm open, and honest! I'm supportive! Athletic. I'm human! I make mistakes. !! And proud of them! I don't change for others.I just have to seem happy because I don't want people feeling sorry ! I'm 110% sure, that I'm,strong....... But ... With depression. I look at everything with a storm cloud around me. I drown myself in thoughts. I over think... And I'm ready to be happy for real... :)<3... Some people say to love life... But give the person a reason!:)