“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you,” Dr. Quinn’s eyes are burning a hole through me.
I refuse to look back at her though, so I decide to pull at the left over lint on my leggings, “Yeah, it has been.”
“Why haven’t you been coming to see me, Kira?” I can tell she’s trying to get me to look at her, because she says my name. “Kira, I was worried about you.”
Why was she worried about me? The last time I was here I told her that I was fine and I didn’t need counseling anymore. I guess she needed my parent’s consent on whether I needed counseling or not. I chew my lip and think about what to say and how to say it, so I don’t sound too mean, “I said that I didn’t need counseling anymore the last time I was here, remember? I told you I was better,” I add in a smile at the end so she doesn’t take my facial expression the wrong way.
Dr. Quinn studies my face. She can tell something is wrong. Crap. I knew I shouldn’t have come today. She knows me too well to know that I’m fine. Her eyes actually look concerned for once. Wow. That’s a shocker, because it seemed like up until now she never cared about my feelings. All she cared about was the money. So that’s why she was worried about me never coming back; the money. She’s a selfish, ignorant, little bit- “Kira? I asked you a question.”
I bite my lip so hard I can taste the blood, “I’m sorry Dr. Quinn. I lost myself in my thoughts. What was your question?”
She looked annoyed now, which was actually quite funny to me. I choked back laughter and tried to act interested in what she had to say, “I asked what your parents thought of this. Or do they not know that you haven’t been coming to your sessions?”
I was looking at her now and I can tell her facial expression changed when I looked up at her. Her eyes looked softer and she was smiling a sincere smile. She actually cared, it was weird and I didn’t like it. I took a strand of my hair and started twirling it around my finger, “No. My parents don’t know that I’ve been ditching these sessions for the past couple of weeks. They wouldn’t be able to tell a difference anyway, they didn’t even know anything was wrong from the beginning.” I look around the room trying my hardest to not make eye contact with Dr. Quinn. I pretend to be interested in the mini fountain sitting on the table next to her; cute.
“Do you want me to tell your parents that you don’t need this counseling anymore? Because, if you think you’re better than I believe you. Your parents might not notice any difference, but I sure do,” she takes out her “handy-dandy” notebook, as I like to call it, cracks out a pen and writes something down in the little notebook, “I’ll just write a reminder to myself so I can remember to call your parents about this.” After she’s finished writing herself the reminder she says, “Kira, it’s been really nice having you come and talk to me. I just want you to know that I’m so glad you overcame all of this. I know it was hard for you, but I am so proud of you. Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you, honey. Give me call if you ever need to talk to someone again, I promise I’ll make time for you,” Dr. Quinn stands up, so I do too.
I look as sincere as I can, because I really do believe that she means everything she says. I just don’t need any more of this counseling in my life anymore, “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Dr. Quinn. Talking to you has really helped me and I honestly do feel better. Thank you again.”
She opens the door for me, slipping out of the room I say thank you again and start down the narrow hall that leads into the waiting room. There’s never anyone in the waiting room, which seems weird to me. There are so many doctors here, I’m pretty sure their schedule’s would be booked. I don’t think too much of it though, it’s really none of my concern. I take one last look at the waiting room that I’ll hopefully never see again. To be honest, I’m kind of sad to be leaving, but I don’t need counseling anymore. I truly am better; I just had so many insecurities at the time, like hating my body. I honestly couldn’t stand the way I looked. I was too embarrassed to wear fitting clothes. I just wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I’m still not completely confident; my weight is one of those things running through my mind all day, which sucks. I was also lonely, because everyone was leaving me. That’s what it felt like anyway. Going into freshmen year is hard, especially when all of my closest friends went to a different school. My best friend was never around either, and I was just alone. I guess you could say I was depressed, so to try and get away from it all I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I tried killing myself.