In darkness there is nothing. There is hate and war and blindness. You cannot see what it is you are doing or the effects of those actions on other people’s lives. Sometimes, when I think about it, I feel like that’s the life I live in. Sometimes, when I think about it, I feel like there is no other life to live except for the one I live in. What would be the result if someone decided to break loose of this world’s ways and live a life in the light? For in light there is peace and no one can hate for there is no war and with no war there is no pain and with no pain there can only be happiness. I suppose that’s all in my imagination though because I have yet to see that perfect of a life. Are not my dreams supposed to be allowed to come true? I suppose that’s my imagination too.
Even if I could live in the perfect world, the difficult part would be the transition. This evilness that the world has exposed me to is seared into my mind and becomes habit now. I catch myself still resorting back to those old habits; and yet, I still catch myself creating new habits that bring me to the place of peace that I’ve been waiting for. Things such as meditation, rest, thought, love, kindness to the nature, and a control over myself that controls not only my body but controls my pain as well. I almost believe that I can feel no pain. Am I to go so far as to say that I cannot feel death but that I control death himself? Or is that taking it too far?
This is a collection of my thoughts that previously I’ve kept locked in my head. I believe that now it is time for people to know what I sit and ponder on for hours on end. Somewhere in my mind though, I resist the temptation to tell the world, for what if they do not listen? What if they cast me out of this world and shun me from society? Then, I remember. Let them cast me out. Is that not what I wanted in the first place, to separate from society and to break away from the pain and hate? I no longer fear being cast out. No, now I fear the pain of rejection that just cannot be taken away.
I fear that there is no perfect world. Even if I can escape the pain of the world, I can never escape the pain of man. Such things such as rejection and point of view will always exist. Human nature is a thing of beauty when you think about how much it hurts in the end. It’s called the human nature with good reason though: it’s human’s natural actions and reactions that will never be controlled. It’s the reason that so many well planned governments fail and break down. Somewhere down the line corruption will set in and the government will eat itself from the inside out. That is why a perfect world does not exist. Somewhere down the line human’s natural instinct will set in and things such as greed and hate and jealousy will begin to take over human’s common sense.
We are told that we are free people but to be honest with you, I see no freedom. I cannot understand how someone can say that freedom is even free at all. Everyday a soldier dies so that we can be free and that is a cost that we give in exchange for our so called freedom. Tell me how we are free when on a daily basis we are told how to live. Tell me how we are free when the pop culture and modern society control the way we think. Tell me how we are free when our daily lives our controlled by a government that makes daily decisions that we have virtually no say in. We are allowed to watch from the sidelines while the starting line-up goes and makes all the plays. Tell me how we are free if someone has to die for us. They were not free from death. Tell me how we are free when we live like robots with limited self-expression. Tell me how we are free if when we do express ourselves the way that we choose, we our criticized by society. Should we not be free from criticism? Now please try to explain to me how we are free.
Ever since I was a kid I’ve had a problem with the way that society is handled and run. I never understood why people had to be a certain way. I never could comprehend who died and put society in control of how we should or should not be. Why should I be told how to dress, how I should talk, or how I should live in general? This goes back to the subject of freedom. Since the beginning of time people have always been swayed by other people. So, if a person is swayed by one person and that person is swayed by another and so on, then who is the originating person that started this chain reaction. Even the president is swayed by his cabinet. His cabinet is swayed by the people. The people are swayed by the law. The law is swayed by previous experience. Previous experience is swayed by previous actions. Notice the pattern. Everyone or everything is swayed by someone else or something else.
So, let’s discuss the perfect world subject once again. If one person was able to break free from society completely, not concerned with what anyone thinks, then how many other people would follow him? That’s how America was created. One man found this land and left Europe. Then, people followed him. Could we create a completely new world that way, just by acting out and refusing to just blend into the world? My grandparents told me one time that the way to succeed was to blend with the rest of the world. It amazed me, not because I thought they were right, but because after all the experience they have in life, they could still be as ignorant as to think that this world could last without leaders.
A world without leaders, a world where everyone just decided to blend in, would collapse. It would turn into chaos and would destroy itself from the inside out. If people had nothing to follow they would no longer know how to live and with nothing to live by, life is a meaningless existence. At least now we have our love, our friends, and our families. Most people don’t even have that. I’m curious to know how many people in this world are truly happy. I cannot say that, at this time in my life, I am happy. To me happiness is something that we will not know until our last day on earth, the day we ascend to heaven on wings of angels. That will be the day that I can say that I am truly happy. Pain and war and hate will all disappear and there will be joy and laughter. There will no longer be tears of sadness but instead tears of joy. That is what I wait for, happiness.