I bathe my cheeks in tears of shame,
As another wave of nausea overcame!
I look into my soul and what do I see,
A frightened boy looking back at me!
Years of despair and self loathing haunt,
Like the school yard bully about to taunt.
My life is a fast and deadly roller coaster ride,
Full of ups and downs with nowhere to hide!
My body hurts from years of purging hate,
I am so used to opening the welcoming gate.
My body is dying, slowly beyond repair,
My gums and teeth and my dark thick hair!
My heart is heavy with my lying and deceit,
But my eating and purging I must repeat.
To hide like a child deep within one self,
Is the hardest thing to keep upon the shelf!
He stares back at me from deep within my heart,
And does not allow me to make a new start!
The affirmation he seeks is never spoken,
And the internal fight is but a token.
I have tamed the beast that lives within,
But with each breath it harbours sin.
The belief that one day the turmoil will stop,
Before I take my last breath and down I drop.
I live in hope that thru me others will see,
That there are no winners when you are like me!