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This is a thinking out loud piece. About loss and writing and confidence and wanting and finally some understanding. Please know, I labeled it 'poetry' but I know none of the rules so no doubt I've broken them carelessly. My apologies. This ragged flow fit my feeling and thinking and wrote itself out this way and I have no other way to do it. Apologies.

Submitted:Mar 28, 2012    Reads: 22    Comments: 8    Likes: 2   


I've been here on Booksie five months now
And I'm pausing to ruminate
like a cow
At first my writing poured out fast
New pieces shoved up ahead of the last
Reaction from readers? Paramount
If a piece got no comments? It didn't count
I suffered exposure but couldn't stop
Like a flea market owner who views a fine shoppe

Then the flow took a downturn
The fires ceased their burn
I watched and I flinched and I fought
Trying to write both by day and by night
Even when sleeping I sought
To find once again the flow of the pen
But the ink had dried out or was caught
I was in a dark space I could not face
I wanted my mojo back now
My mind stopped and froze
I felt I wore no clothes
It had to be fixed without use of tricks
Trouble was I didn't know how

What had gone wrong? Where was my song?
If I'd done it what did I do?
It raced through my blood
What had turned off the flood?
Then I stopped and felt yes I knew
It had all been a trick both showy and quick
Couldn't last because wasn't true
First gave me a thrill then a shove then a spill
So accept it just throw in your hand
Try to remember how still things were up until
Flood gates opened and flooded the land
You were happy then, a fine cackling hen
You gossiped, went pecking about
You read and you ate and you slept very late
So what's with this victim shout?

And slowly so slowly I found
If I stopped and then turned around
I could see nothing was truly broken
Words had tumbled out like rain from a spout
And now stopped to remain unspoken
Life goes along fast and then it goes slow
That's how it has been and how it will go
Perhaps I have finally awoken?

It's hard to see the truths about me
Hard to look at me straight
My Princess hates tears, loves when a crowd cheers
My Seeker can never just wait
There are dancers and clowns
Fools begging in towns
The ones who love to eat cake
There's the mother in me
And the one lost at sea
One with clay feet who's a fake
There are good cards and bad
With new deals to be had
There are dinners to make and to eat
There are sisters and friends
New beginnings and ends
There are goals to amend and to meet

I look down the track
As I swing up my pack
And see how its rails converge
And know there are no ends
The road simply bends
And all things simply merge
Now I'm back to the trail
First up hill then down dale
And while I'm walking the berm
I'll count the sheep
Of my blessings run deep
And await the floods return


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