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This is almost going to act like my journal, please ignore all of the errors. Thanks. This is true raw emotion. View table of contents...


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Submitted:Feb 11, 2010    Reads: 78    Comments: 0    Likes: 1   

1. I love you more the you will ever know.

I love you more then you will ever know. How could you do this to me cupid? I never thought that I could love you as much as I do. Ever since that day when I found out what you said about me, I havn't been able to think straight. I love you more then you will ever know. Suddenly you are a popular guy, love sick girls comming out of your ears, and I am so jelous its indiscribable. I don't know how you would react if you knew how much I really cared. Its not that I just want someone who will stand beside me through thick and thin, someone I can call mine... and only mine, someone who I know will love me unconditionally and someone who will always speak the truth, that would be nice... but its not what I am looking for. No flowers, love letters, cheesey songs, kissing in the rain, watching the sunset while holding hands, butterflies, sweaty palms with intertwinde fingers. Those are all extras. I want love, love in its purest form. Love that will hurt as much as it feels right. Love that will stain my heart with a bitter sweet feeling of summer and winter. Where everytime you look into my eyes, and vice versa, magic happens. We don't see who or what is around us, just eachother. I want love for so many reasons. I want love to be able to have something that finally feels right. I want love to help my fractured soul heal. You have a beautiful soul, that I absolutly adore. Its not just the physical attraction, but the feeling I get in the bottom of my gut when you tease me with your childish games. This really is not fare. Everyone loves you, everyone wants you, but I need you. I am the one who's heart shattered into a million peices when I found out that you have a girlfriend, someone whom is as quarky, funny and crazy as I want to be. Someone who doesn't care about what people think about her, she just goes and does her own thing. I think thats what you fell in love with. That same girl is inside of me. I just have trouble showing her off. Please just give me a chance, I know I can be her. I can be better then her. We can get through everything together, I just know it. Will you try with me? Lets take a leap of faith and just do it. Take a chance, trust ourselves. The problem is, I am scared of rejection. Every time I pour my soul out to someone like this, it seems to come back and bite me in the ass. So many broken peices, so many times I have had to repare with masking tape and crazy glue. I want to try again though, this is raw and rough, but honest. I wish I could send this whole thing to you, I wish I could know that you would understand every word perfectly, but I just can't. I love you. You make me want to scream, cry, laugh, smile, giggle, joke around, feel sorry for myself. I am a confused Juliet who has found her Romeo, but he has all ready found his Rosaline.


2. I don't bite, I promise.

What happend? Did you change your mind? Was I wrong all along? I thought that when you said you needed to ask me something after school when everyone already left from Improv. Were you going to ask me out? To be completely honest, I don't know what I would have said. It's almost nice that you gave me some time to think about it, but now I am just confused. Do you like me that way or not? I don't bite... I promise. Tell me whats on your mind. I feel like a fool. I don't know if I could ever love you that way. I have never been in the siduation before...ever. No one has EVER asked me out before, what am I sapposed to say? What do you want me to say? My friend asked me if I could picture kissing you... I don't know that answer to that question. I am in love with someone else, but I guess I never really thought of you that way. I mean when we first met I thought it would be cool to have another guy friend, and that maybe you were kind of cute, but I never thought it would come to this. I don't know how to break it to you, and I don't even know what I am going to break. I hope its not your heart. Why do boys have to be so complicated. It was all just harmless flirting. I be honest...again, I wasn't even sure if you were even flirting with me, considering it has never happend before to me. Then I also have one of your friends in my other ear, trying to give me improv advice and clearly trying to make me giggle... which isn't that hard. I am so confused and I feel like an idiot for telling my friends that you were going to ask me out. Were you or not? I think I am going to ask you tomorrow what you wanted to ask me. I felt like a bride left at the alter... I wasn't the one who wanted to talk to you, so why should I be the one who starts the conversation? I don't bite darling, I promise.


3.She puts on a show, she is a true actress.

Why her? Why did you have to choose her out of everyone. The one person I envy. The one person who has truly hurt me in ways that you will never understand. She has literly burned our connecting bridges. Must you talk about her to me like that? You are clueless? I think I have fallen for you, and now I am majouly jelous. I can't take it. You make me think one thing, then go and do another, and then just when I think I have you in my arms, you slip away just as fast as you came. What do you see in her? I have witnessed her true colours, and I did not like what I saw. I saw hate, jelousy, greed, horror. Everyone loves her, it makes me so angry. She in one of those people who you think is someone else, and then BAM, just like that, shes a horrible monster of a girl. I want you. My heart urns for you, and there is nothing I can do. I wont tell you until I am sure that you feel the same way. Why did you have to do this to me? We were so close. I guess I am good at finding love in all of the wrong places. Fuck. What do you want me to say when you ask for advice about her? Or when you ask me to talk to her when we have not had a one on one conversation for almost two years. She doesn't even say hi to me anymore, doesn't even smile. How could you love someone like that? No wonder she succeeds in drama class. She puts on a show, she is a true actress. I hope that your blured vision will become clear soon, before you are so far in that there is no turning back. I will love you forever, romantically or not. I vow that I will never burn our connecting bridges, or loose contact. Our friendship is way to valuable. I just hope that you look before you cross the love line.


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